Need some input

[mlcaldwell05]

Having to write an essay for a LPN program on "What You Expect To Obtain From this Program"

Here is what I have came up with so far.

[COLOR=#000000]When you dream about becoming pregnant, you never expect thechild to have something wrong. You dream of having a healthy, perfect family. Nothingis expected to go wrong. Everything is supposed to be like in the movies andmagazines. Everyone being picture perfect. Your pregnancy has been perfect upto this point. No major issues. You get excited because its closer and closerto the delivery date. Your water breaks and you didn't even know it. Youschedule your doctor appointment for sooner than later because of the backpain. The doctor gives the spill of it probably false labor, breaking yourwater you would know when it happens. The nurse comes back in and whispers inhis ear. He tells you to forget everything he just said and head to thehospital. Your head is spinning. You don't have time to go back home and getyour things. So you send someone else. Maybe it's your husband. Maybe it's yourmom. Whoever it is. You check in at the desk and wait for someone from laborand delivery to show. When they finally do, you get to your room. They re-checkyou to make sure your water actually broke. The nurse, in the room with you,tries to crack jokes and calm your nerves. She assures you everything is goingto be okay. You get moved to your permanent room. Nurses coming in and out.Making sure you have everything you need. Making sure pain management is ok.Helping you move to get comfortable. Every time I had a nurse came in, I wokeup to make sure everything was ok. That I wasn't setting off alarms. That thebaby inside of me was ok. I was put on oxygen twice that night. Later the nextday, I was being prepped to have a C-section. The nurses were all very sweet,and tried to keep me calm. The baby gets pulled out. The cry is weak. Extremelyweak to be exact. The baby struggles to eat. No one can tell me why. Four daysgo by; still no one has an answer. They take the baby to the NICU. The doctorcomes back. The baby is missing the cleft palate. How they missed that whilechecking? I will never know. How I could miss it? I don't know. Years fly by,that baby now has a g-tube. The cleft was repaired. Being in and out ofhospitals the last three years, has made me want to become a nurse even more. [/COLOR]

To end it, I had planned on discussing the expectations I have of the program and myself. I have dealt with many RNs, LPNs, and doctors.

[AliNajaCat]

I wouldn't put in all those personal experiences. So many people want to be nurses because of personal experiences, but they get a lot of the details wrong (as you did) and it's not a good way to start.

To end it, I had planned on discussing the expectations I have of the program and myself. I have dealt with many RNs, LPNs, and doctors.

This is what they're asking you for, and this (and only this) is what you should tell them.

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Way too many short choppy sentence, incomplete sentences, and a comma splice. There are too many details about a complicated birth and congenital malformation....and almost none about what you expect from your program.

I would summarize the personal experiences in a few sentences (if you must use them at all).

[FutureNurseInfo]

I do agree with the other PPs. Your intro is way too long. Try to stick to the basics and make sure to respond to the prompt as best as you can. From what I have read you failed to directly respond to the prompt.

[Henserson79]

I agree with others here. Your personal experience in the intro is long. Cut it short. You need to write more about your expectations from the program. If you have to include your personal history, then it needs to be way shorter than this and should tell the reader what did you learn from that experience which tells you what to expect from the program.

[Bridge08t]

Hi there!

I think that you have a great start, in some ways it may be too personal. I would check your tenses and cut the intro down. Maybe discuss how nurses are on the front lines of healthcare and patient interaction and can really make a difference in a patients life. I also wanted to say that cleft palates can actually be very difficult to catch, especially if it is the palate alone. I have a friend whose daughter was 6 months old before they found the cleft palate. I myself have a cleft lip and palate as well as my son, so I wanted to say that I know what you have gone through and continue to go through. I would try a different approach, talk about why you want to become an LPN and what you hope to gain from the program. It's great to have background, but it doesn't address the question.

[Daisy4RN]

Your story explains why you want to be a nurse, not what you expect to gain from the nursing program. You should use a little bit of your story but elaborate on those things that nurses did/do for you, what you hope the program will teach you, and what you hope to gain from nursing school that you can apply to your patients. Good luck!