Need Help!!!

[Indiana_Rn]

Hello, I am new here and I need some help! I am completely at a loss. Absolutely devastated. I graduated with my BS in nursing 2 years ago. Two whole years! I have tried working at various hospitals and in 4 different types of units. I seem unable to be a nurse. I don't know why this is happening to me. My life is such a nightmare!!! I never struggled with classes. I did struggle in clinicals. Now, I am rusty and seem to have forgotten almost everything. I am terrified of being responsible for patients, procedures, questions I can't answer, policies and procedures I don't know, intimidating doctors who know just how stupid I really am, meds I don't know, charting, charting, and more charting. There is so much to do, so little time, I don't know if I can trust my assessments, I am a little absent-minded; what if I forget something really important. Nursing is so overwhelming when you are new. I don't know how everyone does it. I WANT TO DO IT!! I want to do a good job, but don't know how. I am terrified that i don't have hardly any of the answers. In fact, I feel like I don't know anything. I feel so incompetent and the pts families probably feel the same way. I feel like I am not qualified, but I passed my boards easily. I am tremendously anxious. I have been fired from 1 job for "not progressing as expected," and I have quit some jobs because I just didn't think I could adequately provide the care my pts needed or that I could handle everything expected of me. I never get past orientation because I am terrified of being on my own. I don't know what will happen if I am on my own. I am sure something awful will happen. I won't be able to meet my expectations, the pts expectations or the units expectations. All I wanted was to be a good nurse, to have a good, secure future. Did I just choose the wrong path and now I am just finished? What do I do now? I can't get student loans to try a different career because I have a Bachelors degree and nearly maxed out, anyway. I certainly can think of careers that I would probably be better suited for. I thought because there are so many areas of nursing, that surely I could find something that I could do. But, I am out of ideas. Most home care and hospice agencies, and doctors offices want some prev experience. I have just started at a nursing home and I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! But, I am afraid that if I fail at this, I will not get another chance. No one else will hire me, probably. I don't know who to talk to, I don't have insurance yet and can't afford a therapist. I live in a small community where no one offers sliding scale counseling. Why can everyone else do this, but I can't? Is there anything I can do to salvage my future? Please help me, am I just hopeless, crazy, a basket-case, is there anything anyone can think of that might help me? I am so desperate. I never thought I would screw my life up this much. I was so determined to make something of myself and live a decent life, but my life is a nightmare! Please help. Thanks for "listening."

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

I don't think many nurses would ever say they haven't gone through this in their career! Multiple times too! But alas...the first thing I turn to is myself!

I have gotten pretty use to me, my sucesses and yes..failures and I am my worst enemy...well it was that way until I realized I was sabotoging my own self! I went to my PCP and discussed it with him, and since he was one I trusted...I found that with some daily journal exersizes, counciling if I needed it, and a antidepressant I was back on track and having more confidence in myself! NO it wasn't med as much as self exploration to find out why the heck I beat myself up all the time and was scared of an imaginary axe coming down on my head with liablity and my license!

I became more realistic, and found I learn each and every day how to be better..and that journey..well you have to start at square one, but if you think of it well, it is an adventure not a limit!

From the sounds of you inner stress maybe some help from your PCP and a councelor could be of benifit..can't hurt! I am thankful I did and I fought it tooth and nail till the day I noticed I started drinking on my off days! Then I knew right away...I have to work on me for a while and that is okay if not the best thing I could ever do!

Good luck, and confidence in yourself, even if you feel it isn't 100% is worth more than 0!!!!!!!

[athena55, BSN, RN]

dear indiana:

first, take a deep breath!

i can remember, waaaay back in the day, everytime i stepped onto my med/surg unit - straight out of nursing school - i felt like turning around and going back home. but i had worked far to long and far to hard to graduate and pass my state boards, just like you had stated, to actually say those two words out loud: "i quit".

one suggestion that may work for you is to speak with someone you trust, whether it is at your new job in the long term facility, or with someone you graduated with and seems to have adjusted okay. maybe a professor or nursing instructor that you trust?

do you think you have a touch of "culture shock"? i.e., leaving the "relative" safety of the educational surrounds of your bsn program to being "out in the world" where it is your license on the line. i am not trying to make light of what you are going through right now. far from it, but almost everyone suffers from self doubt once in a while.

does the health care facility where you work now have a mentoring program in place? can you speak with your head nurse or nurse manager and tell her/him of your feelings and ask that you "shadow" with someone for a short time?

can you make a pro and con list of what it is that you fear may happen while on duty as opposed to what you fear will happen?

i have never met any novice nurse who felt like an experienced care giver after 6 months, much less 12.

here are two books that might help you. check out www.amazon.com for the isbn numbers:

your first year as a nurse: making the transition from total novice to successful professional - donna cardillo

from novice to expert: excellence and power in clinical nursing practice - patricia benner isbn

wow, well i am sending you a "cyber hug". try not to give up on yourself, yet. please keep us posted.

respectfully,

athena

[squeakykitty]

:icon_hug: Your post sounds so much like what I'm going through. I struggle in clinicals, yet I get A,s in the theory classes. Recently, I got diagnosed with ADD. It may be that's what is going on with your jobs. Is there someone in your area that knows something about ADD that you can go to? Maybe they can help. Also, check out the nurse with ADD/ADHD forum on this website.

[purplemania, BSN, RN]

Could be a medical reason if you are having trouble concentrating. Is you blood sugar ok? Thyroid? Any other system dealing with metabolism? Are you an undiagnosed ADHD person in need of medication? Check those things out. DOn't give up. Nursing is flexible. There is a place for you. School nursing? Health Dept??? My friend just could not find a niche until she was hired at a local industrial site (sort of a "school nurse" for employees). She LOVES her job.

[military spouse]

Acute care can be VERY overwhelming. Perhaps a change such as home health, hospice, LTC, corrections, etc. would give you a different perspective. I HATED working at the hospital right after graduation, then spent about 10 years avoiding it, went back for almost 2 years and have decided that I can do it, but I don't WANT to do it. That's okay! Find a place where you are comfortable. Hospice is lots of paperwork, but when you are at a pts home, it is just the one patient and you can take a few minutes to concentrate on that one patient. I hope you find your niche. My niche has turned out to be doing a little of everything.

[Dinith88]

I don't know, intimidating doctors who know just how stupid I really am,QUOTE]

THis sentence is very revealing. I think a big dose of self confidence would go far in helping you. Sometimes it takes a little experience, other tiomes it takes paxil (teasing). I dont know you, but i have a hunch you're hyper sensitive and a worry-wart.

You're not stupid. When you realize this (authentically), you'll be better prepared to utilize what you learned in school.

[jalvino1]

Wow! Just reading that stressed me out! So as mentioned before BREATH!!!!

I've been an RN for less than a year, and you're right, it can be very overwhelming at times, so here's a few pointers I hope you can use

1. Nobody expects you to know everything. It's just impossible. If you don't know, look it up. There's no shame in it. Half the time when a Dr./Pharmacist/etc. asks me a quesiton I say "I can't remember, let me grab the chart" and everytime they say "ok" without flinching. Why do you think Dr's offices are filled with books... when the patients not looking, they look it up! Palm Pilots are great, all the knowledge in the world in your pocket. If you don't know, you will in a second.

2. Know your limitations If you're asked a question you don't know- fess up, and direct them to somebody who does know. Half the time it's not your job to know. Question about the surgical procedure done, have them speak to the doctor. Question about discharge, have them speak to the case manager. Unsure about something yourself- ask another nurse!

I don't know if I've been helpful at all or completey off with your problems, but we're all here to help out, and I wish you the best of luck!

[LoriAlabamaRN]

Can you request a longer orientation, one where you are progressively let on your own instead of just cut off? I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't think changing jobs is the answer since you have already changed many times. You need to deal with this fear instead of running from it. A nursing home is slower paced than an acute care environment and you should have an easier time being there. What problems exactly are you having at the nursing home? Are you still on orientation there, and if not is there a way you can get back onto an orientation? If I were you, I would meet with your DON and discuss your fears and your feelings and see what she suggests. We're here for you too.

[Retired R.N.]

Every time I read about a new nurse having problems adjusting to her early working experiences, I am more convinced than ever that the old-fashioned system of educating nurses through the 3-year hospital schools of nursing was a good idea. When I graduated we took exactly the same exam as the 4-year BSN students, and I will never forget that the average grades of students from our school was higher than that of the BSN students. We went to our first paid jobs with good clinical skills under out belts and had already had experience in being in charge of a floor (under supervision, of course!) on evening and night shifts. Not one of us got out of school with any doubts as to whether or not we really wanted to be nurses.