Need advice about failure to thrive

hippienurse · Dec 21, 2004

I doubt there is much you can do if the Mother doesn't think there is an issue. I know my daughter (who is 2.5) has issues with eating and will (if you let her--which we don't) eat sweets and treats but refuses meals. She got down to 28 pounds and my doctor had me giving her pediasure to make sure she was getting enough nutrition. Maybe you could suggest that to her. Also, one thing my doctor always says--most kids will not starve themselves. If you stick to your guns and dont allow the treats they will eventually start eating.

Goodluck! :)

tiroka03, LPN · Dec 21, 2004

I have a dtr who has struggled with failure to thrive for years. I know that I looked like a bad mom. The fact was she just wouldn't eat. It started at birth, and if she ate anything, she would scream for 5 or 6 hours afterwards. We tube feed her for a year because she just wouldn't take in enough nutrition.

During this time, I took her to the doctor 3 times a week to be weighed and checked, she was on special formula, if only she would drink it. I became so obsessed with this problem, I could hardly see straight. Yet, other people thought I was being neglient, because she was so underweight.

During that time I qualified for WIC food program. Every month they took her behind a screen and weighed her. I wasn't allowed to go back there. It didn't take long for me to realize that no one else's child was weighed like this. So, I just barged my way behind the curtian. I found them looking my dtr over for signs of abuse. When confronted they told me that it was common that underweight babies were abused. I asked them if they had even bothered to look at the doctors statement, and that she was seen three times a week by her doctor, that maybe he was qualified to see if she was abused. The though hit me, was he thinking I was abusing her?

Finally this year we found the answer to her aversion to food. She had a sleep disorder, and not getting enough sleep affected her desire to eat. As I recall both my brother and I had a sleep disorder too, and he wouldn't eat either. My dtr had gone to several specialist for her sleep disorder and no help was found. Finally she was old enough to try remeron, and she sleeps like a baby. She was also gain four sizes since sept.

If I could give you a little freindly advice. Instead of being suspecious try being supportive. You may not know it but the mother may be suffering more than you think.

There was a time I gave my dtr cookies, as it was the only thing she would eat, or ovaltine in her formula, so she would drink it. You do what you have to do. A cookie is equal to a slice of bread with a couple tsp of sugar. Better this then nothing. We tried the starve until you eat something decent, and for her, she was 45 lbs and lost 8 before we stopped. No sense killing the baby to be policitally correct.

When my dtr was 2 years old she was taken off the tube feedings. She had a difficult time keeping it down, and was still very underweight. She then began to use a bottle and eat baby food. Many strangers wanted to give me a piece of their minds, they had no business losing, and I had no problem telling them to mind their own business. I wasn't asking their advice and they were rude to supply it.

Basically love will solve the problem faster than self righteousness. Caring, loving and understanding will go futher.

tiroka03, LPN · Dec 21, 2004

I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but it is a sore spot for me. It hurt me a lot to see people believe I was neglient or abusive. I loved my dtr so much.

It is hard not to be able to fix a problem, especially when it's not yours to fix. It's even harder to be the one who is supposed to fix it and not have the ability.

ICUnowOHN · Dec 21, 2004

Thanks for the reply. I failed to mention that he also doesn't sleep either. However this may also be the lack of discipline issue.

My sister-in-law watches my 5 m.o. and I really do not believe this is a neglect or abuse situation. My son has certainly been thriving.

I am more concerned that He is manipulating her into giving him what he wants, and it has been a concern of ours ( the whole family ) for quite some time now that he is so skinny. He looks like Gollum from Lord of the Rings if he's running around naked. He looks almost concentration camp malnourished, and I just wanted to make sure I'm not staying out of it, and keeping my mouth shut and he's actually got a medical condition. She "says" the Pedi is not concerned, but we don't know if it just that, "she says" that.

I have a dtr who has struggled with failure to thrive for years. I know that I looked like a bad mom. The fact was she just wouldn't eat. It started at birth, and if she ate anything, she would scream for 5 or 6 hours afterwards. We tube feed her for a year because she just wouldn't take in enough nutrition.
During this time, I took her to the doctor 3 times a week to be weighed and checked, she was on special formula, if only she would drink it. I became so obsessed with this problem, I could hardly see straight. Yet, other people thought I was being neglient, because she was so underweight.
During that time I qualified for WIC food program. Every month they took her behind a screen and weighed her. I wasn't allowed to go back there. It didn't take long for me to realize that no one else's child was weighed like this. So, I just barged my way behind the curtian. I found them looking my dtr over for signs of abuse. When confronted they told me that it was common that underweight babies were abused. I asked them if they had even bothered to look at the doctors statement, and that she was seen three times a week by her doctor, that maybe he was qualified to see if she was abused. The though hit me, was he thinking I was abusing her?
Finally this year we found the answer to her aversion to food. She had a sleep disorder, and not getting enough sleep affected her desire to eat. As I recall both my brother and I had a sleep disorder too, and he wouldn't eat either. My dtr had gone to several specialist for her sleep disorder and no help was found. Finally she was old enough to try remeron, and she sleeps like a baby. She was also gain four sizes since sept.
If I could give you a little freindly advice. Instead of being suspecious try being supportive. You may not know it but the mother may be suffering more than you think.
There was a time I gave my dtr cookies, as it was the only thing she would eat, or ovaltine in her formula, so she would drink it. You do what you have to do. A cookie is equal to a slice of bread with a couple tsp of sugar. Better this then nothing. We tried the starve until you eat something decent, and for her, she was 45 lbs and lost 8 before we stopped. No sense killing the baby to be policitally correct.
When my dtr was 2 years old she was taken off the tube feedings. She had a difficult time keeping it down, and was still very underweight. She then began to use a bottle and eat baby food. Many strangers wanted to give me a piece of their minds, they had no business losing, and I had no problem telling them to mind their own business. I wasn't asking their advice and they were rude to supply it.
Basically love will solve the problem faster than self righteousness. Caring, loving and understanding will go futher.

webblarsk · Dec 21, 2004

I think its wonderful that you care enough to recognize there is a problem. I am no professional, but if the child was born premature and continue to have a difficulty with weight there is definitley a problem. I would continue to show support but would also give alot of info to the mom and continue to bring up the subject gently. Good Luck. :)

ICUnowOHN · Dec 22, 2004

Thanks for all of the encouraging replies. I knew this would be a good source for knowledgeable advice :Santa5:

BittyBabyGrower, MSN, RN · Dec 22, 2004

Some kids just don't grow! My DD was a skinny scrawny kid...I didn't think she was going to make it out of a corificeat before kindergarten. And I did get defensive every now and again if someone brought up her skinny butt! She is now almost 10, and is tall and weighs only like 50 some pounds. The peds isn't concerned because she is healthy otherwise. You can see her ribs and hipbones.

If she is following up, they have most likely screened for metabolics and such. We saw a nutritionist that suggested Pediasure, which she wouldn't drink, and giving her 6 small meals a day. That helped a lot! She did gain some weight. To this day, she is a picky eater, has a texture thing, and eats several times a day.

Just keep an eye on him...unless he is acting sick, then he is most likely fine!

Phenomenon · Dec 22, 2004

You area good sister for caring! I have a 4.5 yr old girl. Very picky eater, can also be manipulative at times. At times she does get skinnier, but I always manage to get her back up. I do not refuse junk, however, I do not just give it to her all the time. If she wants a cookie, I will say OK, but you have to eat this apple first, or this banana. Other thing, a flinstone vitamin every morning (not that that makes up for a lot but I am sure it helps). The thing about small frequent meals also helps. Ask your sister to offer snacks throughout the day (healthy ones). The thing is often times children do use food as a means of control/manipulation, but one muct also be careful to rule out metabolic/health conditions. Has the peds doc done this? Also, shakes are often fun for kids - I throw in frozen or regular yogurt, bananass, berries, almost any kind of fruit with milk. Last but not least, is this kid in a daycare or preschool? I actually found that that helped my daughter to broaden her food choices as she saw the other kids trying new things. Ultimately, though, there is not much you can do but offer your suport and advice.

ICUnowOHN · Dec 22, 2004

Ummmm... for the record, I'm a guy :Santa5:

diddoms · Dec 23, 2004

This sounds like a complex case. I think this kid needs a bit of "tough love". This kid has used food as a way to control his parents . Being a poor eater obviously gets him a lot of attention form the parents, albeit in the form of anguish, frustration , despair. Nothing is going to happen until the parents give him some very clear boundaries. Consistancy is the key in my opinion. They seem more the indulging types. If they have trouble managing him at 3 this kid is going to be uncontollable in his teens.

Kids being human are always wanting to exercise some control over their environment. The way I've always managed the food issue with my daughter is to give her a choice of 2 things that I think she should have. Would you like apple or orange? She will usually reply chocolate, but I then introduce the third choice which is nothing. Then she ususally choses something on offer. I'm happy because she eats something healthy. She's happy because it's not a control issue and her hunger is satisfied; I'm not telling her what to eat, she is exercising soem control.

Another thing a MAternal Chiuld nurse told me is that kids will eat when they are hungry. If the kid throws a tantrum and refuses to eat they will usually eat if they are hungry.My guess with this kid is that he might hold out for a few days, but eventaully he'll give in. Sometimes if my daughter is a bit ferral I just leave food out on the bench and give her a bit of space. As long as I don't make an issue of it and remain out of sight she will go and eat when she thinks I'm not looking. She's happy, I'm happy.

It sounds like this kids eating habits are pretty ingrained, and I think it's going to take a lot of resolve from the parents to crash on through some major behavioural modification with this kid. They are going to need a lot off reasurance, but until they stop denyiing that there is a problem this kid is going to keep l;earing that he can hold his parents to ransom.

I get my daughter to help me prepare the food, then she is more interested in eating it. We make bread( occaisionally) or use vegtables form the garden. Home grown vegetables taste so much better and the broccoli and couliflower we harvest from our veggie patch taste sweet. I get my daughter to help harvest things from the garden and I'm sure that has helped her to eat healthy food.

Good luck. Hope this is useful.

Fiona59 · Dec 23, 2004

Sounds like my last rugrat. You can count every rib and see every major blood vessel.

He too was a "problem baby". Wouldn't breast feed (and yes, I shed many tears trying to get him to, would latch fine, but never suck). Resorted to formula and he never took more than 2.5 oz. It was a nightmare. Never slept for more than 2 hours at a time. Colic like you wouldn't believe.

Turns out he was intolerant of milk formula, had horrific eczema, a sleep disorder, and was finally diagnosed with asthma at aged 3.

Felt like I lived at the GP's. But they were never able to help me with his problems. Once the asthma was "discovered" the eczema cleared up.

He finally started sleeping through the night at age 8!

He's not a picky eater, just eats very little. But when he gets hungry watch out. Slow and steady.

I've got to the point where I just offer him small portions and seconds and thirds if required, make sure that there's a lot of fruit and dairy products that he likes and hand them out whenever he asks.

My mother also told me that no boy ever starved himself to death. But then that was before Anorexia became widely known.

Just feed the child and love it. Just tell the critics, you've got the situtation in hand. Thanks for the advice.