My wife won't stay home alone and I don't get to see my family.

[Emtmurse15]

I work night shift from 7pm-7am. My wife is 26 y/o and does not want to stay home alone because she says she feels lonely. She stays at her parents because of this. She has done this since we got married two and a half years ago. We have a baby daughter now and she does not want to stay home even during the day while I am asleep. So if I work at least two days in a row, I do not see my family for that time. My in-laws have even made extra efforts to make her stay at their house easier with a room with a crib and pretty much every necessity for her not to stay at our home. Our house has a security system and is in a nice neighborhood.

When I am home at night, my wife leaves all child care to me so I do not get enough sleep on my days off. I am attempting to get a dayshift position. There are no dayshift positions in the ICU I work in. One prospect is an afternoon shift position 11am-11pm in the ER.. My wife says she would still stay at her parents so I need to wait for another job. I have told her that I am not getting enough sleep on my days off or when I am working. I get a lot of responses of "you're never here." I have asked her to go to couples counseling but she refuses.

She is also a nurse and we stayed in this town so she could work at the VA. When I first started my nursing career, I had to find jobs out of town because no local facilities were hiring. I spent my first year and a half of nursing driving an hour out. I have told her that I did a lot to accommodate her nursing career. Is it too much to ask her to stay home at night? And possibly see her and my daughter between shifts?

[Shanimal]

I guess I don't know what else to make of this interaction with you.

Honestly, I don't either. I made a general comment about how *some* of the responses were outrageous, and you seemed to take personal offense at that.

Take care ~

You do the same.

[Persephone Paige, ADN]

Holy smokers...

Okay, these were my first thoughts:

Some people don't know how to be alone. I was an only child, if I learned nothing from my childhood it was how to be alone. My husband came from a huge family and went on to have four kids from his first marriage. They were very close in age and had ready made playmates. These grown adults cannot be alone to save their lives. It's AS pathological as my love for solitude. We have arguments about how weird I think it is that they constantly require the company of another human being and how weird they think I am because I don't. Maybe your wife can't stand the sound of her own head?

Next

Perhaps your wife is scared as a mother? I was. I was terrified of my child and wanted to be around others until I felt I could handle it. I learned quickly and that all stopped. But, my husband laughed that I would practically throw my daughter at my in-laws because I wasn't confident in my abilities. That could also explain why she puts the work on you. It's not right, but it's also not easy to admit to.

Next

Not everyone is cut out to be a mother and unfortunately they don't know that until they have a kid. Having someone else around to buffer would help with that.

*the stuff about cheating is a little premature. It's true that we never really know, but I didn't immediately get that vibe from your post. I think your wife is just neurotic and lacks self-confidence.

Good luck and God bless

[Nonyvole, BSN, RN]

Having been there, done that, got the t-shirt...

Doesn't matter if she doesn't want to go to couples counseling. You can go, and honestly, I'd suggest it. (The one time I was able to talk my ex-husband into going with me, all he got out of it was that I wanted a new dresser. It wasn't a want, it was a need, because I had no way to store most of my clothes that didn't require a ladder to get to.)

The baby is a red herring...you're saying that this started well before your wife became pregnant.

Ultimately, though, I think that the two of you need to have a sit-down with a neutral third party and discuss everything. Brace yourself for hearing things that you may not want - or like - to hear, but also don't be afraid to be blunt with her.

Good luck.

[Emergent, RN]

First of all, don't consider having another baby with this woman. She sounds weak, self-centered, unreasonable, ungrateful and immature.

It sounds like she's staying home with the baby. Great, I'm all for that. But, that doesn't mean the mother turns into a baby herself! She needs a reality check as to how much of the world lives! She's a blessed woman with a hard working husband and supportive parents.

Couples counseling is a must. It should be top priority. Good luck!

[MunoRN, RN]

Uhhh, no.

Some people on this board are desperate to be offended. I agree with your comments.

Actually my first inclination is usually that people here are just being whiny, which was my first thought on reading the OP. However the more I thought about it the more it was apparent that this is a legitimate and fairly serious example of abusive behavior. Limiting or otherwise withholding access to children is a well established form of spousal abuse and can be quite painful for a parent. As much as I tend to discount this sort of complaining, there is a legitimate concern here.