Published Feb 20, 2007
You are reading page 3 of My son needs help. The system isn't working!
ALANON!!!! Your son may need help, obviously he does, but you need it just as much if not more. Get yourself to AlAnon ASAP. Just because his life is unmanageable doen't mean your life needs to be so. Addiction is a family disease and yours is badly in need of treatment. Good luck.
You sure do need some help. Please PM me. I went through the same thing with one of my sons and found a great program that does not cost an arm and a leg and is a great program.
CrunchRN, ADN, RN
I don't have kids, but if it was me I would encourage him to finish rehab, join the navy, and let him know that he has taken things too far for you to be able to step in and make things right for them even if you wanted to (which I know you do).
Let him know you llove and support him, but your ability to help has been limited by his actions and that he is the only one that can control his destiny now.
My heart goes out to you.
Lisa CCU RN, RN
I agree with most of what has been said here.
I never would have bailed him out in the first place and the system is fine, it is the son in this situation that needs fixing and HE is the only one who can do that.
Trust me, when he gets tired, he will stop.
can you say "been there, did that?" only for me it was my daughter.
one of the things that i have learned is that you cannot live their life for them nor make the choices for them. the only one you can control and get help and support for right now is you.
he is an adult of legal age and will have to suffer the consequences of his actions. bailing him out is being co-dependant and actually encourages him to continue his lifestyle because he has learned someone will always rescue him and justify his behavior.
as hard as it is....and believe me it is the hardest thing on earth you will ever have to do...you have to let him go. he is a grown man and should be working and living on his own. however and where ever those choices lead him. he does not need a mommy and daddy to continue to support him and make excuses for him and allow him to never face life and grow up.
you can only change yourself and your own life and allowing him into your home to live and continue the disruption and dysfunction only facilitates him. you have a life and a husband and a daughter. be joyful in that and pray that one day your son will make up his mind to change.
you can't make him grow up or do it for him and rescuing him only prolongs the process and can destroy you and your emotions and your relationship with your other family members.
it really is the hardest thing on earth to do, but you have to cut the cord and let him make his own choices, no matter how horrid an outcome it may seem to be at the time.
my heart goes out to you. it took 8 long years until my daughter realized i was not the enemy and i do and always have loved her and our relationship is still growing and healing.
Dixie, I am so sorry you are going through this, and I understand how much you love your son.
I think the Narcanon and Salvation Army suggestions are probably good.
My son was in a local mental facility after threats of suicide. Even though it is part of our local hospital, it was totally inaproppriate for him. There was no counseling, no anything except situations a teenager should not have had to deal with. I'm sure people in my town wouldn't believe how bad that place is, at least for a suicidal teenager.
It was quite difficult to get him out of there and I knew I could not have him put there if he tried again.
It was very rough for a long time, but he is doing well now, thank goodness.
My point is that from your observations and your son's report of availability of drugs, he is not in the right place and if I were you, I would do everything I could to get him into a program that will actually help him. Not a place where people go as an alternative to jail - with no intention of getting clean.
Best of luck for you and your family.
nell - who never gave up on her son
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