I grew up feeling different from others. I was always the kid that other kids made fun of and was horribly uncool. My home life was a bit dysfunctional, but not as bad as it could have been.. Mom had issues with mental illness and my Army Officer dad was strict but not around much. This all lead to a shy kid with little social skills.
When I started drinking in high school I immediately loved it. It coincided with my coming out as gay. I made friends and was able to relax and develop some social skills, only when drinking. Those were the days of disco and I had much fun dancing with the other gay guys and feeling a “part of” for the first time in my life. Booze was my friend and I was enjoying life.
Little did I know the booze that gave me such courage and social skills would nearly kill me. From age 17 to 24 I drank frequently and in excess, flunked out of college, lied, cheated, stole, was suicidal, even spent a night or two in jail, and become a monster of a miserable human being. I reverted to the shy kid with no social skills and was a daily drinker at home alone. At age 24 I went to a 7-week rehab and immediately drank when I got out. Didn’t learn a thing. Eventually after several tries something clicked and I became a faithful member of AA racking of 6 years of sobriety during which I became an RN and a born-again Christian (my sprititual life tends to lean towards other areas, and I can no longer claim to be a Christian, although the life of Jesus continues to inspire me). Life was really good and things had finally turned around for me.
When I moved to Florida I decided to ditch my program and started drinking again. I forgot that I was an alcoholic and wanted to be “normal” and thought I could handle it. Two years of drinking later I found out I couldn’t. After a blackout where I woke up the day after Thanksgiving, I cried out yet again for help and have been sober 11 years since.
I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to be clean and sober. I have so such a gratitude for life and health. Sometimes that shy insecure guy is there, but for the most part I’ve changed 100% for the better.
Each day I thank God that I’m sober and pray to stay that way. I can not for one moment deny that if I drink again, I will become addicted again and I may not make it back this time.
I still go to AA meetings, usually once a week, and I surround myself with recovering alcoholic friends (but not exclusively) to keep me accountable. I love talking to and helping other alcoholics in recovery. I realize there are many ways to get sober, but AA is the one that worked for me, so I’ll stick with them.
Being sober isn’t always easy, but life isn’t easy. Nothing has ever been so bad that I haven’t been able to make it through sober the last 11 years.
I could go on and on and on and write a book, but I’ll spare the reader, and if you’ve read this far, I’m thankful.
I would love to hear from other nurses in recovery about your story and journeys in recovery because it will help me. I encourage you to make a post with your story.
I am an addict, convicted felon, recovering nurse, mother, daughter, sister, sponsor, sponsee, friend. I found this site because I was visiting the web searching for answers on employment for rn's with my challenges. My story is much like yours always feeling different, uncomfortable in my own skin, searching for answers and love in all the wrong people places and things, my addiction took me all the way down wound up as a 24/7 street walking prostitute crack head liar, thief, child abandoner, master manipulator ,part time thug, no one who knew or loved me could find me for 7 years I served a total of 3 years in prison and have now been out for 4 years and clean since 2002. I am in the recovery nurse program in my state and very gratefull to be a productive member of society however the wrekage of my past is still rearing its ugly head so I am doing the footwork and leaving the outcome to God
It sounds like you're taking a healthy chunk of responsibility. There's a lot of story in the little bit you posted; lots of "wreckage" along with its pain and grieving.
Hang in there. I'm not particularly religious, but in my case anyway, I must credit the Higher Power. That "inside job" stuff is critical in my case.
I worked at some pretty low paying, menial non-nursing jobs before I re-entered nursing in a non-clinical documents review position for an insurance company. I didn't have a felony conviction, however, which means I didn't get processed through law enforcement for the felonies I committed. I don't have advice that way.
Hang in there! You know the drill, one day...one step...one prayer at a time.
I am an addict, convicted felon, recovering nurse, mother, daughter, sister, sponsor, sponsee, friend. I found this site because I was visiting the web searching for answers on employment for rn's with my challenges. My story is much like yours always feeling different, uncomfortable in my own skin, searching for answers and love in all the wrong people places and things, my addiction took me all the way down wound up as a 24/7 street walking prostitute crack head liar, thief, child abandoner, master manipulator ,part time thug, no one who knew or loved me could find me for 7 years I served a total of 3 years in prison and have now been out for 4 years and clean since 2002. I am in the recovery nurse program in my state and very gratefull to be a productive member of society however the wrekage of my past is still rearing its ugly head so I am doing the footwork and leaving the outcome to God
I am an addict, convicted felon, recovering nurse, mother, daughter, sister, sponsor, sponsee, friend. I found this site because I was visiting the web searching for answers on employment for rn's with my challenges. My story is much like yours always feeling different, uncomfortable in my own skin, searching for answers and love in all the wrong people places and things, my addiction took me all the way down wound up as a 24/7 street walking prostitute crack head liar, thief, child abandoner, master manipulator ,part time thug, no one who knew or loved me could find me for 7 years I served a total of 3 years in prison and have now been out for 4 years and clean since 2002. I am in the recovery nurse program in my state and very gratefull to be a productive member of society however the wrekage of my past is still rearing its ugly head so I am doing the footwork and leaving the outcome to God
Welcome! Glad that you found us. Congrats on the sobriety. Sounds like a rough rough road you've been down to reach you to today. Best of luck to you.
I have been sober 19 years. I rarely talk about it because people who question their own habits suddenly become uncomfortable around me. I don't feel it's my place to tell anyone whether or not they have a problem. The only addiction I'm in a position to judge is my own.
What I tell people is that I don't judge what they do. It's not up to me. I'm taking my own inventory. I am not judging anyone else for their addictions. If anything, I am praying for them and hoping they can find their way to sobriety. I am focused on maintaining my own sobriety. How other people deal with theirs is none of my business. I will always be a supporter for anyone who wants to get sober. If they make the choice to continue their addiction, I will be sad but I won't think any less of them. They already hate themselves enough inside. I am here for when they decide it's time to quit.
someone said to me the other day "Oh I applaud your strength." I agree with you, Tweety. It doesn't take strength to fight addiction. Strength is the enemy. What it takes is weakness - admitting that you are powerless over (name your addiction here). If you think you are stronger than your addiction, you are fooling yourself. You will only prolong your own suffering and the suffering of the people around you who care about you. You must allow yourself to be weak and surrender to your higher power if recovery is going to work.
I am glad there is a place where nurses can talk honestly about addiction. This is especially important for those among us who have access to powerful narcotics and have to make a decision every single day about what we'll do about that.
Specializes in mental health, geriatrics, MS, TELE.
Thank you Tweety for your story. I have 20 years of sobriety and AA, but as you know sometimes you need that nudge to remind yourself that it is always one day at a time. Lately at work the stress level has hit the ceiling (wow imagine that), and all I can say is I wish I worked with someone like you. Keep up the great work, and I love your journel. Life here in Las Vegas isn't all high rollers and fun, but I can honestly say I still love being a nurse. Have a great weekend.
Thank you Tweety for your story. I have 20 years of sobriety and AA, but as you know sometimes you need that nudge to remind yourself that it is always one day at a time. Lately at work the stress level has hit the ceiling (wow imagine that), and all I can say is I wish I worked with someone like you. Keep up the great work, and I love your journel. Life here in Las Vegas isn't all high rollers and fun, but I can honestly say I still love being a nurse. Have a great weekend.
It would be nice to have a recovering friend to work with. Sometimes it would help to have some say to me "keep it simple stupid!, first things first"
I am an addict, convicted felon, recovering nurse, mother, daughter, sister, sponsor, sponsee, friend. I found this site because I was visiting the web searching for answers on employment for rn's with my challenges. My story is much like yours always feeling different, uncomfortable in my own skin, searching for answers and love in all the wrong people places and things, my addiction took me all the way down wound up as a 24/7 street walking prostitute crack head liar, thief, child abandoner, master manipulator ,part time thug, no one who knew or loved me could find me for 7 years I served a total of 3 years in prison and have now been out for 4 years and clean since 2002. I am in the recovery nurse program in my state and very gratefull to be a productive member of society however the wrekage of my past is still rearing its ugly head so I am doing the footwork and leaving the outcome to God
Congratulations to you and Tweety!!!! You both have told really moving stories. I did drugs and drank when I was in high school and luckily for me I lived with a man who drank to much in my early 20's and just decided I didn't want to be like him and quit everything. My mother has been in AA for 31 years. Anyway congratulations to both of you!!!
I was looking for something else when I saw your story.
Even though you would think that the medical community would know better we still have a tendency to think of Alcoholics as down and out wino's on skid row or the guy strapped to the bed who keeps tearing his IV's out.
I am an alcoholic and I am in nursing school. I didnt start out being an alcoholic but I didnt start out wanting to be a nurse either...one was a calling and the other was just falling. (you figure out which is which cause sometimes I get confused...)
I have been sober for 6 years and most of the people I go to school with dont know I am clean and sober but they know I dont drink. They know I show up on time, am dependable, happy, hard working, kind, good with people and love what I am doing even when it's hard. I dont hide my recovery but I dont wear a big sign on my chest either.
We dont look like skid row but that is where I came from. 6 years ago I had a sign with "God please help me" on it standing next to the freeway exit, a warm bottle of vodka was my only friend and I wanted to die but just couldnt quite step in front of your speeding car to do it....I didnt smell too good and I hadnt bathed in a while and didnt know where I would sleep that night nor did I care.
With the help of God, AA and good friends I am in nursing school, about to take an OB final I am deathly afraid I might fail...but I know I cant fail...cause I didnt drink today. I wont drink no matter what...but for now I wont drink today. You realize it isnt a moral issue...it's a whole different something...and there are probably more than a few nurses who will need my help so that they can help others.
I was looking for something else when I saw your story.
Even though you would think that the medical community would know better we still have a tendency to think of Alcoholics as down and out wino's on skid row or the guy strapped to the bed who keeps tearing his IV's out.
I am an alcoholic and I am in nursing school. I didnt start out being an alcoholic but I didnt start out wanting to be a nurse either...one was a calling and the other was just falling. (you figure out which is which cause sometimes I get confused...)
I have been sober for 6 years and most of the people I go to school with dont know I am clean and sober but they know I dont drink. They know I show up on time, am dependable, happy, hard working, kind, good with people and love what I am doing even when it's hard. I dont hide my recovery but I dont wear a big sign on my chest either.
We dont look like skid row but that is where I came from. 6 years ago I had a sign with "God please help me" on it standing next to the freeway exit, a warm bottle of vodka was my only friend and I wanted to die but just couldnt quite step in front of your speeding car to do it....I didnt smell too good and I hadnt bathed in a while and didnt know where I would sleep that night nor did I care.
With the help of God, AA and good friends I am in nursing school, about to take an OB final I am deathly afraid I might fail...but I know I cant fail...cause I didnt drink today. I wont drink no matter what...but for now I wont drink today. You realize it isnt a moral issue...it's a whole different something...and there are probably more than a few nurses who will need my help so that they can help others.
Hi, my father is an alcoholic which he will never admit in a million years, unfortunately the alcohol does not make him a pleasant person, he is not physically abusive but emotionally he knows which buttons to push and how to make you feel the worst!
I thank you tweety for your story, and am so glad you have found a path away from it, my father will die drinking as did his father and probably his before him. I don't drink but certainly did in my youth, I stopped when I started antidepressants cos it certainly didn't make me feel good that combo! I really dislike being around people drinking cos that bleary look in the eye is just too close to home.
I also acknowledge that our family have very addictive genes, I took to smoking cigarettes like a duck to water and have had experiences with other drugs which scared me cos I liked them way too much!! So now Ijust stickto the ciggies, still not good but oh well.
I wish my father and brother who I think is in training to be an alcoholic could see how it affects the people around them and the distress it causes, when I meet up with my family it can be a struggle to find a non alcoholic beverage and after ten years of me not drinking they still see it as a temporary thing!!
So cheers to you all who are sober and continue to fight to be sober just wish it could happen in my family.
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(wow imagine that), and all I can say is I wish I worked with someone like you. Keep up the great work, and I love your journel. Life here in Las Vegas isn't all high rollers and fun, but I can honestly say I still love being a nurse. Have a great weekend. 
Prodigalwoman
1 Post
I am an addict, convicted felon, recovering nurse, mother, daughter, sister, sponsor, sponsee, friend. I found this site because I was visiting the web searching for answers on employment for rn's with my challenges. My story is much like yours always feeling different, uncomfortable in my own skin, searching for answers and love in all the wrong people places and things, my addiction took me all the way down wound up as a 24/7 street walking prostitute crack head liar, thief, child abandoner, master manipulator ,part time thug, no one who knew or loved me could find me for 7 years I served a total of 3 years in prison and have now been out for 4 years and clean since 2002. I am in the recovery nurse program in my state and very gratefull to be a productive member of society however the wrekage of my past is still rearing its ugly head so I am doing the footwork and leaving the outcome to God