Hi everyone, I am in desperate need for help to get back on my feet and most importantly emotional support . I feel like it is the end of the world It's going to take me years to write everything down and in details, so I am only writing a simple summary.Let me know if you have questions. Has anyone been through this or am I the only one, am I being too hard on myself? I cannot stop thinking about it, it has been 2 weeks I have not told my parents, because they are so good at criticizing and always putting me down I appreciate your help and taking the time to read this, and I am sorry that I have not organized this better, I am just very emotional at this time. My story: I am an RN, BSN graduated in spring, 2012. I got hired as soon as I passed my nclex in medical surgical floor. I was super excited that I found a job so quickly, I thought it would take me months and I had zero hope and confidence etc. I was thankful and very lucky for the job offer. Orientation was 12 weeks, the first few weeks of orientation I was completely lost, did not know anyone, and had to start from 0. The first few weeks I was energetic and ready for this wonderful nursing career, but I was constantly afraid of making mistakes. I always went to work 2 hrs early, not paid, so I could read pt charts, and organize my day better. As weeks passed by I was becoming more and more stressed out, burnt out, overwhelmed, no lunch breaks, crying every single day for hours in my car, on the way home, at home and when I went to sleep...and it was only the beginning of my nursing career! To make the story short, at the 12th week I had an evaluation, and the management and my preceptors stated that I was not ready to be on my own, but they stated that I had potential and a big heart and they would give me more time. Again, I was very thankful for the extra orientation weeks. I had a list of things I had to work on, there were so many times that I considered quitting because I was overwhelmed and it was a fast pace for me, but there were voices in my head saying, don't give up easily, keep trying, more listening less talking, give it your best--- this is the only thing that kept me going. Anyways, I reached 17 weeks of orientation w/ 6 preceptors d/t some being part time, PRN,going on vacation, changing positions etc. Again, at the 17th week I had improved but I was not safe to be on my own in this high acuity floor. Management decided to end my orientation and let me go. I absolutely loved my coworkers, I get along w/ anyone. I loved the management, they have been nothing but very kind and supportive and I really appreciated everything they did for me and for giving me a chance. What preceptors thought of me:Positives:prioritizing pt needs, great at identifying problems, great communication skills, caring, big heart, great assessment skills, good listener, good at charting, medication administration, communicating w/ doctors, and paging, good skills techniques, foley insertion, IVs, wound dressing changes, central line dressing changes, cannulating ports,.....a long list of things.Negatives: time management and organization( I had improved a lot from the beginning) but not where I should be at 17th week , slow for the high acuity floor( I took my time to triple check meds and orders, I was scared of making mistakes if I went too fast) Basically: I was told, that as a new graduate this floor was not for me, it is a high acuity floor and I should look for something that requires a little slower pace. I have given every piece of energy left in me to be successful on that floor, I asked questions many times when I was unsure, I never disagreed, always listened to my preceptor and followed their instructions, but they were very rough on me and some made me feel like a loser. I know that they have to be rough because they want me to succeed, and not harm patients, some made me very uncomfortable, and the tone of voice was unpleasant at times. No matter how stupid, embarrassed, stressed, overwhelmed somehow I controlled myself and continued to do everything I was instructed to do.What hurts the most is that I tried so hard to succeed, I did not quit, I changed so many things and did them the way my preceptors wanted me to do, and at the end I still failed and I wasn't safe. When they decided to let me go ,I had a sense of relief, a ton of weight was lifted off my shoulders. But now I feel like my nursing career ended forever and it breaks my heart, I am scared of never finding another nursing job because I was not successful at my first job because I as not ready, I was not safe to function alone
. I feel like it is the end of the world