My first Code

[89**11]

:cry:Hello all fellow nursing students, I am writing in reference to my horrible day today. I had a pt that died on me today and I panicked and all I was taught to do was just thrown out the window. I feel so bad like I should have and could have done more. I also feel so stupid because I was crying and I tried my best to hold it in but could not. I did the postmortem care and was still shakened by the situation and feel like a failure because I did not save my patient. She did live a pretty long life she was 85, but still I did not perform CPR I just called the code and held her in my arms and it was just horrible. I told my friend who recently graduated from the program I am in and she called me a killer not freakin funny. I think I just lost a friend, do you think I am over reacting? Do any of you remember your first code and did the patient live or die. It's amazing how one minute your here and the next your not. Thank you all for listening I am still pretty sensitive to the subject but I know there are many more to come.

[VM85]

it is not your fault she died! and you are human, so yeah id be upset and cry to. Just be glad she wasnt by herself- you held her in your arms, you called the code immediatley rather than wait out panickin not knowing atleast to do that. I had a pt die a few min after my arrival- i was in the middle of the code- and i cried- and i hadnt even begun to care for him yet!It was so unexpected he was only 48... death is a part of life my teacher told me and just because the pt is in the hospital, doesnt mean their gonna be saved. I didnt get the opportunity to perform postmortem since the family had been there- and guess what? Ill prob cry through that first one too! and the rest of them. Its not funny to make cruel jokes make ur friend aware of that- you wouldnt be a student if you knew everything yet! GOODLUCK ON ALL FUTURE ENDEVOURS!

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

i think everyone's first code is rough, hun.

i do remember mine. she didn't make it, and it broke my heart. i felt like a total failure.

it does help to talk about it afterwards, especially if the patient was one that you were very close with or even if the code was just hard on you. but you also need to try and be able to detach and not take it home with you, because it will wear you down. as nurses many of us will either see life begin or see life end. it is something that sounds very callous, but when a code is called, my game face goes on. when i walk out the door, the code stays in the hospital.

unfortunately, and you will learn this as time passes, that many codes do not have optimal outcomes, and many do not survive. you will see that sometimes a code is more violent and traumatic to the patient and that their quality of life is gone.

i can tell you that it is truly, truly an exhilarating feeling, when you are able to see a person that you helped code walk again, return to their life, and be the person they were before they were sick. how many people can honestly say, no matter what the role, that they helped give someone their chance at life back?

it takes time to get comfortable with a code situation. next time one happens your floor, just observe. then next time, document or help with compressions. be confident, remember your ABCD, time is brain damage. i'm not going to say it gets "easier", per say, but the more experience you have with it and the more knowledge you obtain... the better the code experience will be for you.

best of luck to you in your nursing career. :)

[firecoins]

I am a paramedic. Most codes don't work out well. You have to remember it is their emergency, not yours. Yes we do our best but its all in a day's work.

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

Your friend called you a killer? That is not a friend. We had a doctor who used to stand face to face with nurses after codes and yell at them, "you killed my patient!" until the management got after the medical staff about him doing that. He was totally out of line and just being intimidating and bullying.

I was a hospital supervisor and attended many codes which were the first code for many nurses. It is a very emotional situation. The code team responds quickly and you need to remember that. Their job is to take over the situation. You did the right thing when you called the code. It is unfortunate, but many people do not survive despite CPR. It is just their time to exit life. CPR is not a guarantee than anyone is going to continue living. CPR gives them a chance to continue living other factors being equal. I've been in a number of codes where the doctors had to be encouraged to give up the code by other doctors on the scene because it was just useless to keep going. When the angels are calling--your time on earth is up.

Do not beat yourself up over this. You did the right thing today by calling the code in the first place. Everything after that is a matter of opinion as to what you coulda/shoulda done. The most common confession I heard was that people were usually afraid to start mouth-to-mouth breathing, couldn't remember where a mouth shield or ambu bag was so they waited for RT to show up and felt bad about it later. Or, they started chest compressions and forgot to do the breathing. These things happen in the space of less than a minute. When you are calmer think about what you will do differently the next time. That is what I told every nurse who was beating themselves up after a code. You will always be your harshest critic (except for this knucklehead ex-friend of yours).