My admission essay *feedback appreciated*

Published

This is my admission essay! Any feedback and grammatical corrections are welcome!

Why I would like to take and complete the LPN program

I have always had a remarkable desire to care for people, stemming from when I was a child. Being the oldest girl of five children, I was the nurturer among my siblings. I was the one to dry tears and apply band aids when necessary. My interest in a nursing career began in my teens. I was fascinated with medical terminology and theknowledge that came with a nursing education. I became obsessed with watching surgeries andtrauma shows on television. Whenever I went to a hospital I always had such reverence and awe for what they could do. I was mesmerized with the swift, yet gentle hands of the medical staff, and I wanted to be one them, I wanted toknow the things they knew, and do what they did

By my late teens I had become a mother, and had to put any plans of an education on hold to enter the work force. In 2012 I began working as a medical receptionist at an orthopedic office. That passion for nursing had awoken once again. Though I enjoyed my time on the administrative side, I felt my true calling was to be directly involved in patient care. As an LPN, not only would I have the amazing opportunity to have a direct effect on another person's life, but I would also benefit and grow from each and every situation. I want to make a difference in someone's life, to have that feeling of satisfaction at the end of the day knowing I did something that benefitted someone else.

I am now at a point in my life where I am ready to further my education and take all steps necessary to make my dream a reality. I am choosing to apply for the Stone Academy LPN program because, it allows the flexibility of being able to take part time classes while still able to be a full time mother. The advanced placement opportunity for qualifying students is a fantastic and motivating. I believe it is important that students are held accountable. Personal success is only based on the efforts that are brought forth. Because Stone Academy equips students with the tools needed to succeed, while making them responsible for their ultimate success, will undoubtedly result in knowledgeable, mature graduates. The outstanding reputationof Stone Academy graduates is also a strong point in my choosing to apply.

Becoming an LPN through Stone Academy will help me achieve the goals I have set for my future. I will be an asset in Stone Academy's LPN program, I possess several characteristics that will contribute to my success in the practical nursing program. I am driven, I will do any task given to the fullest extent of my ability. I am a team player, I believe working together, communication, and dependability are key to success. I have empathy, I sympathize with the feelings, needs, and thoughts of others. I am strong, being strong goes way beyond having thick skin. It's being able to separate emotion from logic, and knowing the appropriate time to do so. I am patient, I understand that as an LPN I will be helping to treat people who are distressed and at times emotionally fragile. I am dedicated, I believe in being the best version of myself that I can be.

I am eager to start the journey to a career as an LPN, and in the future I plan to continue my education to eventually become an RN. I understand that it takes hard work and dedication to achieve the goals I have set for myself, and I am more than willing to put the effort in. I know the Stone Academy LPN program will be a wonderful opportunity for me to grow personally and professionally. I am very excited to begin this process and hope that I have earned your consideration for admission.

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Hard to understand because the format. Take out the COLOR

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I know, I'm sorry. I can't figure out how to delete it

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I thought that was pretty good, in the second paragraph you are missing and "I" in there can't fully remember where.

However, I also think you should elaborate on the strengths you list and describe by putting in examples of your own experiences if possible. And remember empathy and sympathy are different and in nursing, empathy is what it's about in that regard.

I've never actually read one of these essays before because we don't do this is Australia, but it was actually really good. Good luck getting in!

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Thank you so much for your feed back I really do appreciate it!!!!!

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Like the other poster said, its difficult to read due to the formatting.

Quick question, I noticed a lot of words were together with no spaces between them...likethis. Is it just how it formatted on this post or are the words really together with no spacing between them?

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.
Like the other poster said, its difficult to read due to the formatting.

Quick question, I noticed a lot of words were together with no spaces between them...likethis. Is it just how it formatted on this post or are the words really together with no spacing between them?

Likely a cut & paste from a word document. The HTML code doesn't translate and as such spacing is off, code [COLOR] appears. (This mb doesn't allow special fonts, colors alternative formatting for ease in reading)

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Specializes in ER.

One handy tool here is that you can preview your post, before you actually post it. It's especially useful for cutting and pasting situations like this.

Couldn't totally evaluate your essay, but one thing I would advise against is saying that watching medical TV shows has inspired you to pursue nursing.

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i don't know why it looks like that, I copied and pasted it and I should have previewed it first but I don't even know how to edit it

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.
i don't know why it looks like that, I copied and pasted it and I should have previewed it first but I don't even know how to edit it

Staff already edited for you. It's fixed now

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

It's a pretty good essay but I would suggest that you stay away from words like amazing, incredible etc... I h=also caught a few grammatical errors I have marked them for you - Iif you can't see them because color doesn't come over contact me here and you can e-mail the doc to me and I will proofread it for you .

This is my admission essay! Any feedback and grammatical corrections are welcome!

Why I would like to take and complete the LPN program

I have always had a strong desire to care for people. This began when I was a child. I am oldest girl of five children and developed an ability to nurture my siblings. I was the one to dry tears and apply band aids when necessary. My interest in a nursing career began in my teens. I was fascinated with medical terminology and the knowledge that came with a nursing education. I became obsessed with watching surgeries and trauma shows on television. Whenever I went to a hospital I always had such reverence and awe for what they could do. I was mesmerized with the swift, yet gentle hands of the medical staff, and I wanted to be one them, I wanted to know the things they knew, and do what they did.

By my late teens I had become a mother, and put any plans of an education on hold to enter the work force. In 2012 I began working as a medical receptionist at an orthopedic office. The desire to be a nurse once again found new life. I enjoyed my time on the administrative side, but I felt my true calling was to be directly involved in patient care.

As an LPN, not only would I have the opportunity to have a direct effect on another person's life, but I would also benefit and grow from each and every situation. I want to make a difference in someone's life and have that feeling of satisfaction at the end of the day knowing I did something that benefitted someone else.

I am now at a point in my life where I am ready to further my education and take all steps necessary to make my dream a reality. I am choosing to apply for the Stone Academy LPN program because, it allows the flexibility of being able to take part time classes while still able to be a full time mother. The advanced placement opportunity for qualifying students is a fantastic and motivating. I believe it is important that students are held accountable. Personal success is only based on the efforts that each student brings to the program. The idea that Stone Academy equips students with the tools needed to succeed, while making them responsible for their ultimate success, will result in knowledgeable, mature graduates. The outstanding reputation of Stone Academy graduates is also a strong point in my choosing to apply.

Becoming an LPN through Stone Academy will help me achieve the goals I have set for my future. I will be an asset in Stone Academy's LPN program, I possess several characteristics that will contribute to my success in the practical nursing program. I am driven, I will do any task given to the fullest extent of my ability. I am a team player, I believe working together, communication, and dependability are key to success. I have empathy, I sympathize with the feelings, needs, and thoughts of others. I am strong, being strong goes way beyond having thick skin. It's being able to separate emotion from logic, and knowing the appropriate time to do so. I am patient, I understand that as an LPN I will be helping to treat people who are distressed and at times emotionally fragile. I am dedicated, I believe in being the best version of myself that I can be.

I am eager to start the journey to a career as an LPN, and in the future I plan to continue my education to eventually become an RN. I understand that it takes hard work and dedication to achieve the goals I have set for myself, and I am more than willing to put the effort in. I know the Stone Academy LPN program will be a wonderful opportunity for me to grow personally and professionally. I am very excited to begin this process and hope that I have earned your consideration for admission.

As I said a pretty good essay - Just remember to thoroughly proofread your essay before sending as errors even typo's show a lack of attention for detail. Never start a sentance with the word because.

If you are using Microsoft word there is a grammar check attached to your spell check function.

Good luck to you - I entered nursing school in my late 30's and have never regretted it.

Peace and Namaste

Hppy

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