I'm in serious need of encouragement here. I have been working as a nurse for 11months now, everything was going good until about 3months ago. I work in pediatrics on night shifts and mistakenly have hung the wrong bag of fluids 3times now! I know I know.....Sounds terrible because it is terrible and I realize the severity of it. Once I hung D51/2 Normal Saline and the order was for D5 1/4 normal saline. Another time I hung D51/2 +40mEq of K and the order was for D5 1/2 +20k. And the 3rd time I hung D5 1/2 +10k and the order was for D51/2 +20k. Its not like I don't understand what each bag of fluid is because I know what the bags mean and I know how to pick out bags of fluids. I was given a verbal warning the first time, my manager just wanted to bring it to my attention. The 2nd time I was given a written warning but the 3rd time I was not only given a written warning but I was threatened that the next time it happens I will be terminated because it is a medication error and I was put on a 6week probation where I had to have weekly meetings with the manager.
My 6weeks are up but it has been absolutely HELL for me! Half of the staff is middle aged (30s, 40s) and half of the staff are really young, in their 20s. My co-workers have seemed to stray away from me (Since roomer is out that I'm on probation) and instead of helping me to get better everyone seems like they are just picking on tiny things to get me in trouble. They are reporting every little thing I do to the manager and instead of just coming to me personally and speaking with me about something I did, or did not do, they go straight to the manager who in turn, emails me or mentions a complaint at our weekly meetings. I recieved a complaint about the way I give report. The way we give report at my job is not one on one, its more like one on 6nurses. You go in the room and report to all the staff on the floor (nurses, CNA's, sometimes nursing students) and when all the nurses from the previous shift report off, the oncoming shift picks and chooses what patients they want. My manger wrote me in email that people have complained and said that I seem like I don't know whats going on with my patients and that when a question is asked I don't know the answer and simply say "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" which is true but I kinda feel like if I don't know the answer then what did they expect me to say.
One time I had a patient who was on contact precautions but nobody knew what organism she was infected with. When I gave report, I reported off the same thing that the previous nurse had reported to me which was "the patient was on contact for a rare bug". When I said that, they had asked what bug is it? And I told them I'm really not sure all I know is that it is a bug we do not know the name. I should have asked the doctors but I did not that night. So immediately a nurse who had been there for about 15years, fished around in the computers and managed to pull up the name of the bug. It took her a while to figure out how to find it but she knew exactly how to look it up. I have only been there 11months and my preceptor never taught me that you can look up stuff that way. So I honestly, (as I said in report) did not know until now. This exact topic was reported to me from my manager and I told her that if I had known all I had to do was click on this button to get the answer, I would have done so but I didnt think its fair for them to say I don't know whats going on just b/c I didnt know the exact
Its little things like this I feel people are picking on. Its not that I don't know whats going on, its just the way I am. I"m a very cool calm collect person, people might think I don't care but its just that Im always a calm person under any conditions.
Alot of complaining and telling the manager goes on at my job. It seems like I'm back in high school again with immature he said she said stuff. I feel like I want to quit my job already and go somewhere else but I can't because I've already had the hospital pay for me to go back to school so I have a committment with them. I have not goofed up on my fluid orders since my incident but it seems like ever since then, I have been under a microscope and people are watching my every move. I feel like I can't make mistakes anymore b/c if I do, someone will run and tell the manager and I will get fired. I feel like I've improved so much but people fail to acknowledge it at all. I also feel as if everyone has turned their cheeks on me and everyone thinks I'm this terrible new nurse who doesn't deserve to work here b/c I'm not a safe nurse. My self esteem and confidence as a nurse are so low I've even told myself that maybe nursing is not for me. My ego is so bruised, I just don't know how to feel better from this low low point that I"m at. It sucks having everyone against you or feeling that way at least. I feel intimidated to tell my manager all this b/c I feel like she will tell the senior staff and then roomer will get out again and I will eventually be fired. Im in a win/lose situation. If I talk to my manager I'll probably feel better but the rest of the staff will continue to harass me. If I don't talk to my manager the staff will still continue to harass me until they find more things to pick on me for.
So someone help. What do I do? How do I bring myself back up and how do I ignore those who are trying to bring me down without feeling like I should just quit my job? :angryfire
there are units that are wonderful and units that are toxic but as with anything remember that you will be the common denominator. :) in your latest post i am a bit concerned by your defensive attitude and willingness to leave without being confident that you at least deserve their respect whether or not they are gracious enough to give it to you. it definitely could be the wrong fit for you but without being a bit more humble, imo, things could be very similar if you do move. please keep in mind that it would be very likely that your new coworkers will "get wind" of what happened on your old unit. you will find that nurses can be a very incestuous bunch.
I mean this kindly. Maybe you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Is it possible that outwardly it looks like you are flippant about your mistakes, even though you are mortified inside? The potassium mistake could kill a person, especially a sick child. On our unit we have to have 2 nurses check IV bags against the original order to insure we are hanging the correct med.
My unit was a tough crowd when I started. I know I was under the microscope, I know I didn't fit in with the girls on night shift when I was brand new. They were all young, pretty, and single...I was the stodgy old middle aged mom and wife new grad, I had nothing in common with them. I sometimes didn't know the answers to questions during report, so I learned where to look for them. When I had downtime, I read my patients charts, especially the progress notes and doctor's notes. I hated my job during that time, it isn't fun to feel like you are on the outside and being viewed under a microscope. I learned as much as I could during my shifts, there was a lot my preceptor didn't teach me, but I couldn't blame her for my ignorance, I was a grown up and I needed to take the reins and be responsible for MY actions. Those months were hard, I just focused on giving my patients the best care possible.
Eventually, I earned the respect of my coworkers. Nursing is tough, especially in pediatric units because the nurses are so protective of their patients.
Since the mistake I have never made it again b/c everytime I hang fluid bags, I'll hand it to another nurse to check and make sure its the right one. I guess third time is a charm b/c I've really straightened up but I just feel my transformation is not enough for these people. They want me to be absolutely PERFECT now. So I guess I will always be under a microscope with them? Maybe you all are right. Its been almost a year I've been a nurse and maybe its just time to move on and start off on a clean slate. I don't think I will gain anyone's trust again b/c thats the way these women are at my job. They are very gossipy and seem to hinder others instead of picking people back up and helping them. As I said, I'm literally back in high school again. I had no idea grown women can act this way. I hope its not like this everywhere b/c if it is, I'm screwed.
It's everywhere, trust me. Just hang in there, you'll be fine. One question though, don't you have computer on wheels for barcoding meds? We have that where I work and it's great. I went to give a bunch of meds to a pt, scanned his id band looked at my computer.....whooops, wrong pt. Thank God for computers!
I do believe that this will all pass. You may have to stand up for yourself. I've had to do that already and it's only been 5 months for me. Bully nurses are out there EVERYWHERE !!! One more thought, if it doesn't work out, then you're better off somewhere else away from these intimidating people you work with. What goes around comes back around! Oh yeah, seen it!!!
No the only time we have a computerized system like that is for things that come out of our omnicell. We have to scan them but other than that, every other med we've had to check ourselves. Thanks so much for the advice tho.
:angryfire
Jules A, MSN
8,864 Posts
there are units that are wonderful and units that are toxic but as with anything remember that you will be the common denominator. :) in your latest post i am a bit concerned by your defensive attitude and willingness to leave without being confident that you at least deserve their respect whether or not they are gracious enough to give it to you. it definitely could be the wrong fit for you but without being a bit more humble, imo, things could be very similar if you do move. please keep in mind that it would be very likely that your new coworkers will "get wind" of what happened on your old unit. you will find that nurses can be a very incestuous bunch.