Military Nursing// May not be single parents

[msive22]

When I was looking into military nursing a few years ago, it was tough finding information on how single parents balanced work and home life, while being active duty. So, as a single parent I wanted to put some info out there to help mothers decide, whether or not military nursing would be a good option.

My background: Prior-service 9years enlisted, I had my son while I was active duty. During this time, there was plenty of childcare resources available, which we needed as we were a dual-military couple. Work-home life balance was do-able because there were childcare centers and sitters available that catered to military work schedules. My Army unit Commander was very understanding and even went as far as offering an alternate work schedule while my husband was deployed. Upon my husbands return from deployment I decided to get out of the military and go to school full-time for nursing.

After a short break from the military, I decided to re-enter the active duty component as an Officer for Nursing. I submitted my packet to the Air Force, Navy and Army. The Navy approved me first and offered a sign-on bonus =) so I signed with the navy during my last year of nursing school. At this time, I had already been divorced and managing quite well as a single parent. I had family support for childcare and financial support from my ex-husband. Upon graduating and passing NCLEX I received active duty orders for Officer Development School with ultimate destination to Bethesda Naval Medical, Bethesda, MD. (Great) my first pick on my list of duty stations.

Prior to entering the Navy I had no work experience as a Nurse, I was contacted by the Hospitals Nurse Internship Program director, she interviewed me over the phone, as I was in training at the time. She made me aware of the schedule during my internship period 6 months long at the time, which varied based on where I would be working in the hospital. She also advised of the waiting list for the Child Development Center on base, she said it might be hard to find a provider right away and she told me it might be a good idea to leave my son with my family for the first 6 months until I became familiar with the area and the hospital. Okay fine. So, this is what I experienced as a single-parent in the Navy Nurse Corps:

- My preceptor didn't know how to "deal" with me because she 25 y/o single and lived in downtown DC with a roommate. (I was 29 y/o divorcee, with a 4 yrs old son)

- Daycare on base had a 1 yr waiting list.

- Off base daycares do not open as early as 6am, or stayed open past 630pm

- Babysitters cost a lot $$$ to cover extended hours $15-$20 per hours.

- The Navy Command expects you to deal with your issues, when you present any work/scheduling conflict, they hear you out and then say find a solution. (GREAT) i was new to the area, had no family and I sought out Family Fleet Services they offered my therapy, really???

- NACCRA is a subsidy available to offset daycare cost for active duty military that do not have base CDC available... I thought GREAT! except for my 4 year hold it cost $1600 a month to cover my 7a-7p shift 2-3 days during the normal work week and plus you have to pay a babysitter hourly for weekend care. (My rent $2000 a month in the maryland/DC area) This is just your normal schedule, how about the days you have to be at work on your days-off for mandatory training? or Collateral duties??? more money.

- My first year as an officer was my toughest, I spent 3 months with my son because all the local daycares had waiting lists, plus finding a sitter for a 6am start was really hard.

- Interpersonal relationships at work was affected, the days my daycare would close or open late due to weather, meant that I either had to stay home or come-in late. Needless to say, my co-workers didn't like that at all because it meant they had an increased work load. Not something I wanted to happen, either but sometimes I had to call out, as some childcare facilities don't even notify you of delayed opening or closures.

How I survived my first Duty station:

- During my 2nd year at Walter Reed Bethesda my Service Chief was replaced and the new leader coming in was a single-mother during her early years as a nurse. She offered me a flexible work schedule, I still had to do my shift work but instead of switching days and nights every 3 mons, I was able to stay on 1 shift whether it be days or nights for an extended period providing consistency for my childcare needs, because I had 3 babysitters quit on me because my hours were too long and the switching was hard to cover.

- My service chief offered me a transfer off the med-surge ward to PACU to work 8-10hrs shifts monday through friday. =) sweet. I loved it. However, in the Navy PACU is not critical care, big bummer because if it was you would get assigned a specialty code and you would only work in this type of environment. So for 1year i had no issues with daycare other then the occasional weather closures, sometimes walter reed would delay opening when the govt was closed.

- Now, I am at my second duty station (which will remain nameless) I am back to square one again, since I didn't have a critical care identifier, I got assigned to the ED, okay not too bad its a specialty area, cool! I thought great, can;t wait to start! Until they presented me with my work schedule. The ED is under-manned and their shift turnover starts even earlier, than the 7a-7p. Military staff are required to do 12hr shifts and rotate every 8 weeks from days to nights. (only civilians can be assigned permanent shift hours) Either way, I haven't been able to cover my day shift hours. I am on a temporary work schedule until I do find something, which is amazing for me because I never expected my leadership to be flexible. Only during my orientation (3mons long) I will be allowed to work an alternate work schedule.

The challenge at this duty station is that my son is of school age and there are only 2 facilities that bus to his school. One opens at 6am and the other opens at 630am. To late for my shift hours... great. There is no base CDC option for me either. Soo, I put in a written request to transfer to any floor in the hospital with 7a-7p turnover, the Command is not supporting this switch, because my current department is understaffed... "The needs of the department" are a top priority for the Navy and I was told to "blossom where I am planted." What will happen next I just don't know, but I will keep searching.

Okay, so here is the jist of my thread, if you are a single-parent and want to make military nursing your career, yes it is "do-able" but not always easy. The Navy needs their nurses where they need them. One other major factor to consider is when you join the military your kids are subject to the lifestyle, and babysitters don't care for your child the same way you would, my son has fluctuated in weight because he was not fed the food i would send with him to the sitter (I had a lady feed him 1 orange, no breakfast, no lunch or dinner) she said "he didn't want to eat..." during a 12hrs day home with my son. I had a sitter show up to his bus stop which was directly outside of her home. An employee of the apartment community I lived-in recognized my son, after he spotted walking through the parking lot by himself. (at the age of 5)This staffer brought him to the front desk of my building and called me while i was at work. Those are just a few examples of the negative experiences I went through. I did background checks, reference checks, you name it... You just never really know who is taking care of your child. I am pretty traumatized by all this and I live with alot of guilt. His father was deployed during these times and even now his father is very unreliable.

Military nursing is a very rewarding experience for a single-career driven nurse, with no obligations. But if you have a family the work demands are very challenging, and in my case after 12 years of service I am forced to have to leave at the end of my active duty obligation, because I cannot put my son through this anymore. He's in second grade now, the thought of being with a sitter makes him cry. I try to explain to him its only temporary, because soon we will return home to be with my extended family for support.

I know this post is long, but I hope it helps single-mothers/dads out there who are considering Military Nursing.

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

Thank you so much for posting your experience as this goes for the active duty Army as well. Custody is also a big deal in the service for single parents and there's often a lot of turmoil that goes in to that.

Parents--especially would-be dual-military and single parents--need to understand the difficulties associated with service before they sign on. It's one thing to have that feel-good desire to serve. It's another to sacrifice your children in order to do so.

[dolphins421]

msive22,

Hello, great post! It was very informative and i'm certain a lot will benefit. I'm not a single parent, but I will be entering the Navy Nurse Corps in Feb/Mar of this year and will be going to Bethesda as well. I read you received a call from the internship director while you were in ODS correct? I REALLY want to be in the ED, and was told I should write a letter to the DNS stating that and my experience, but if we will get to speak with an internship director maybe thats not necessary? Thank you so much, and any other info about the command or bethesda area will be great!

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

My other half is in the Navy and has had more than one single parent working for him, though not in the medical branch.

Everything the OP says is true.

The military expects their soldiers/sailors/etc. (I'll just say "soldier" to cover all branches) to be wherever the military needs them to be. The needs of the military will ALWAYS come first. And it's up to the soldier--NOT the military--to take care of things on the home front in order for the soldier to be able to meet the military's needs. Being a single parent (or just a parent, period) in no way guarantees that you won't be stationed anywhere, deployed, or sent overseas, or sent on an IA tour. And not being able to do those tours because you're a single parent and can't provide care for your kid(s) is pretty much a career ender. The other half has had to see a few single parents out the military career door because of that. His current JO is a single parent; said JO has had to ask a sibling to move across the country to stay with them to help them out with the kids.

There's an old saying: "if the Navy (Army, etc.) wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one." Please keep that in mind before jumping into the military. Having done the military spouse bit for 20 years, I can't begin to tell you how true this is. And the struggles I've had to deal with are nothing compared to what the active duty single parents faces, because at the least, I can postpone my career as necessary (and I've had to do this several times!) to be home to take care of the children.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I can also attest to this as being truly the way it is.

And...its always been that way. I was in the Navy in the 70's, husband in the Air Force. We were both stationed here in the states when we met, then we were stationed in Japan. We had our oldest son in 1980 and it was very difficult. We exchanged our son on the flight line many times. Overseas you may not always be able to have two cars: so whoever had our son got the car, the other one road a bike.

And yes, neither the Navy or the Air Force cared that we had a child or that we were both active duty: we were able to wrangle working opposite shifts (neither of us was in the medical field) but that stressed us in different ways.

So...dual military is no better. Buyer beware!

I do not regret my military service, but just be aware of all the pitfalls.

[msive22]

xxxxxx

[msive22]

msive22,

Hello, great post! It was very informative and i'm certain a lot will benefit. I'm not a single parent, but I will be entering the Navy Nurse Corps in Feb/Mar of this year and will be going to Bethesda as well. I read you received a call from the internship director while you were in ODS correct? I REALLY want to be in the ED, and was told I should write a letter to the DNS stating that and my experience, but if we will get to speak with an internship director maybe thats not necessary? Thank you so much, and any other info about the command or bethesda area will be great!

@dolphins421

Thank you. I went to ODS when Walter Reed and Bethesda Naval merged, the Clinical Nurse Transition Program was a new program, which has changed a lot since I started. You might be contacted by a sponsor.

Definitely write the DNS, however like I said before, the navy tends to assign you where they need you. If you have ED experience, it has to be in your contract that you are an ED nurse to go to the ED. All new nurses do med-surge for at least a year upto 2 years. I was med-surge (wounded warrior) for 2 years, but I liked my patient population. Now, my old ward is more gen surge/neuro/ortho =| If you don't have nursing experience, medsurge isn't a bad start, plus Bethesda practices team nursing so you get maybe 3-4 patients each nurse (not like most outside hospitals). Your orientation is pretty long, so by the time your done, you are ready fly high on your own. Even if you get the specialty code in your contract I think you still have to do CNTP.

Picking a place to live::

The Hospital doesn't offer enough parking for staff, so you have to find a place off the metro redline the closer the better, I highly recommend either North Bethesda or Downtown Bethesda (walking distance) traffic is pretty bad in that area, and I'm used to NYC traffic. If you don't have to drive, don't its super frustrating.

You do not have to report in dress blues... you stand out like a sore thumb, if you want to stand out go for it, but khakis are fine.

Your corpsman are your saving grace, respect them don't abuse them. Bethesda also has LPN's in almost every department. Most are civilian and they have more experience than you've probably been alive, don't ever undermine their license. *Epic mistake from new ensigns* They can help you tremendously or see to it you drown. If you collaborate well with your team in a tactful manner, trust me you will be winning. The army also has their LPNs and they are enlisted. These guys/gals have a ton of experience, most were combat medics, they are also a wealth of information. The equipment at bethesda is pretty new and they offer tons of additional training for free (acls, pals, tncc, nrp... etc) take it all, sign up for a 1 or 2 collateral duties and you are golden. Whatever you want to do, if you don't get it at first, keep up with your own independent study and after 9 mons of being on the floor, start planting the seed... Your leadership on the floor will do what they can to staff the floor but they also try to get you where you wanna be.

[dolphins421]

Awesome thank you! Are all the collaterals pretty much equal as far as how competitive they make you for promotion? And other than collaterals and taking some classes, is there anything else I should be doing to stand out?

[caliotter3]

I found the paperwork and "guardian" finding to be annoying and a big inconvenience when I was active duty with a child in tow. It was easier to find total strangers, usually the child care provider family, to agree to the family care plan, as my family either could not, or would not, assume such responsibility. Making everything work out, for the most part, was no more difficult than it would have been in civilian life. I had a dud child care provider here and there, but the same could have happened in the civilian world. You have to take responsibility for dealing with all​ of your responsibilities, once you make the decision to bring a family into the equation.

[msive22]

Awesome thank you! Are all the collaterals pretty much equal as far as how competitive they make you for promotion? And other than collaterals and taking some classes, is there anything else I should be doing to stand out?

Command collaterals hold a little more weight, doing volunteer work is good for performance reviews. Your first two promotions are automatic, O2 & O3, you have to get an advanced degree to be competitive for O4, plus take on multiple collaterals.

[msive22]

I found the paperwork and "guardian" finding to be annoying and a big inconvenience when I was active duty with a child in tow. It was easier to find total strangers, usually the child care provider family, to agree to the family care plan, as my family either could not, or would not, assume such responsibility. Making everything work out, for the most part, was no more difficult than it would have been in civilian life. I had a dud child care provider here and there, but the same could have happened in the civilian world. You have to take responsibility for dealing with all​ of your responsibilities, once you make the decision to bring a family into the equation.

I don't have childcare issues in New York, plus its much easier to find a reliable provider where I am from. When I was enlisted childcare was right on my base and open during my work hours. They even had saturday hours once a month, it was actually more family-friendly. So when I accepted my commission, I thought the CDC hours would have extended hours for the hospital. Walter Reed Bethesda is only really a Hospital.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

dolphins421, you might want to start a new thread with further questions not related to the original topic. Let's please keep this thread focused on the initial (and very important) topic of single parents in the military. This is something often asked in this forum, but this is a good look at the realities of being a single military parent.

msive22, I am sorry for your struggles. I have worked with single military parents (Army), and their experiences have either been very positive (in a clinic position with set hours, usually) or very negative (rotating shift work without any special accommodations). Usually the only way a single parent gets a break is with a compassionate command structure.