Hi all, I work on an ICU Stepdown unit with wonderful coworkers. After reading about nightmare orientations/preceptors/units, I feel even more grateful. My team is wonderful, we help each other and don't let anyone drown. No gossip. My orientation was excellent.
The downside is, it's a county hospital and we deal with many behavior issues. I love caring for most of our patients, working for a vulnerable population, etc, but the abuse is getting to me after 4 years. A huge percentage of pts come in high on meth or withdrawing from it, causing labile behaviors. They don't want to be bothered, scream at us, make verbal threats, sometimes get physical. Also deal w/ etoh withdrawal. My anxiety is so high when I have to go into these pts' rooms, even when they're just irritable but nonviolent.
I am worried if I get a new job I will never find these team dynamics again. Maybe it would be worse to have a less stressful jobs but a bad work culture. Maybe it's worth dealing with the anxiety/fear? I'm looking for honest answers about how rare people think it is to find a good work culture, and any recommendations on what I should do. Thanks so much!!
Oh meth heads touch my crazy nerve almost every time. And I have a deep crazy nerve too but they make my mom voice come out.
On 8/19/2020 at 8:34 AM, Nurse SMS said:
LOL!! My coworkers used to call me a "Mom Nurse", so I know exactly what you mean here. I was often chosen to get the challenging patients. Straightened them right out.
I no longer work acute care, but it was also my job to "straighten them right out".
I remember one particular nasty mouthed fellow tell me, "And there's nothing you can do about how I talk to anybody, I'm the patient and you have to be nice to me.". I replied, "No sir, I don't have to be nice, I only have to take care of you to the best of my ability, my job description states nothing about nice"
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
1 hour ago, cardiacfreak said:
I no longer work acute care, but it was also my job to "straighten them right out".
I remember one particular nasty mouthed fellow tell me, "And there's nothing you can do about how I talk to anybody, I'm the patient and you have to be nice to me.". I replied, "No sir, I don't have to be nice, I only have to take care of you to the best of my ability, my job description states nothing about nice"
LOL! True! We only have to be polite and professional, it is not "illegal" for us to not be super friendly to someone who is hurling insults and objects at us!
When I was a young nurse I was complaining to my co worker how mean and nasty some of my patients were too me. I just didn’t like my job. My coworker reminded me that if I didn’t want to be here I could leave. I didn’t have to be a nurse. I could be a waitress, a dishwasher, a maid etc. Every job has positive and negatives. Not everyone is always nice. That’s the world we live in. We no longer have to accept physical abuse from our patients like we used to. Security can be called and patients can be removed if they are violent. At least from where I worked. She told me As far as rude or mean patients go. Their bad behavior is on them- not you. You need to be professional at all times. You are their advocate and you are their nurse. They may be having the most stressful time of their lives. You need to put yourself in their place and realize they are not feeling well. Withdrawing from drugs is not an experience that I ever wish to have. Nurses need to be tough. Remember who you are and that you can handle this. Don’t ever take anything too personal. Don’t ever lower yourself to being nasty back. Don’t be judgmental. Question your own thoughts and beliefs. Do you refer to your patients as “meth heads“. Is that really fair? Is that all you see? I drink Diet Coke but if people only saw me as a Diet Coke head, how would I feel? Would they all treat me different? Would I be angry at the people who treated me like I was “just a Diet Coke head?” I am starting to ramble here but just be aware that you need to be questioning your thoughts, ideas and actions also. It may be that you just can’t handle working where you are. You don’t have to stay but if you are going to stay- you need to think about how your own ideas and attitudes may be getting in your way.
When I was a young nurse I was complaining to my co worker how mean and nasty some of my patients were too me. I just didn’t like my job. My coworker reminded me that if I didn’t want to be here I could leave. I didn’t have to be a nurse. I could be a waitress, a dishwasher, a maid etc.
In general I would consider this an utterly terrible response to a coworker. Good for you if you were able to make something of it.
Some of your other points are more helpful, such as these two:
2 hours ago, 77Mercy said:
Their bad behavior is on them- not you. You need to be professional at all times. You are their advocate and you are their nurse.
2 hours ago, 77Mercy said:
Don’t ever take anything too personal. Don’t ever lower yourself to being nasty back. Don’t be judgmental.
I think it is a process to understand how we (as individual persons) fit in with our work. I think it often works well to afford our coworkers the acceptance (for their feelings) that few others will offer. I doubt I would ever tell a coworker "you don't have to do this, you could be a maid..." when they verbalize disappointment in being treated poorly by patients. That is neither affirming nor empowering.
I think nurses should strive to maintain professionalism. But it's one step too far to respond to our coworkers as if they aren't human beings who may experience emotions similar to other human beings ???♀️. Being a professional (or being ethical, or being duty-bound as a nurse) does not require one to "enjoy" poor treatment no matter where it comes from. *Reacting* poorly is something we should always strive to change/improve, but not enjoying poor treatment is not a moral failure.
In general I would consider this an utterly terrible response to a coworker. Good for you if you were able to make something ofit.
I would have to politely disagree. I needed to hear that. It was a simple but very true statement. It reminded me that I had choices. I wasn’t stuck. I didn’t have to be there. I was completely miserable at that job and I needed to hear that at that time. It sounds like you misinterpreted what she said in a negative way and I don’t believe that was her intention.
I think nurses should strive to maintain professionalism. But it's one step too far to respond to our coworkers as if they aren't human beings who may experience emotions similar to other human beings ???♀️. Being a professional (or being ethical, or being duty-bound as a nurse) does not require one to "enjoy" poor treatment no matter where it comes from. *Reacting* poorly is something we should always strive to change/improve, but not enjoying poor treatment is not a moral failure.
JKL33- I don’t think you exactly understood the point I was trying to make- and that is OK. I never suggested that anyone should enjoy being treated poorly. My coworker did not treat me like I was not human or anyone else like they were not human and I never suggested that “not enjoying poor treatment was a moral failure”. I am confused on how you interpreted my post this way. I did not mean to imply anything like that.
I understand exactly how you accepted this and, again, I'm glad for your sake that you were able to make something good out of it.
Maybe you had a relationship with this person where they knew this was a type of response that would motivate you or be helpful to you in some way.
In general, I find most iterations of this fallacy inappropriate in most situations (no one is forcing you, you are welcome to leave if you don't like it, this is what you signed up for, etc., etc.).
Saying something along the lines, "you can always be a maid..." is not the same thing as listening to someone and eventually maybe saying, "....is there another role or career in which you feel you might be happier?" No--the former is a sarcastic way of saying you chose this. Which, in fact, you did not choose to have people treat you poorly.
It's a twist on the false dichotomy/bifurcation fallacy and also probably contains the tenets of at least another fallacy or two (ergo decedo, etc.)
Your coworker's argument is very similar to something we've all probably heard or read a time or two over the past several years: "If you don't like it here [in this country] you are welcome to move!" Your coworker took it even a step further by essentially adding, "....to a place many people would never choose to move!"
I hope you can see how this is not a proper argument/motivation.
I agree that how one feels about others' behavior is something that can be modified and that the person can learn to see it in a different light and can learn positive and proactive reactions to others' poor behavior...but, I maintain what I said, telling a person they can always do [xyz thing you know they probably don't want to do, since lots of other people don't either] if they don't like it is not generally helpful and is a fallacious argument anyway.
I would have to politely disagree. I needed to hear that. It was a simple but very true statement. It reminded me that I had choices. I wasn’t stuck. I didn’t have to be there. I was completely miserable at that job and I needed to hear that at that time. It sounds like you misinterpreted what she said in a negative way and I don’t believe that was her intention.
I understand exactly how you accepted this and, again, I'm glad for your sake that you were able to make something good out of it.
Maybe you had a relationship with this person where they knew this was a type of response that would motivate you or be helpful to you in some way.
In general, I find most iterations of this fallacy inappropriate in most situations (no one is forcing you, you are welcome to leave if you don't like it, this is what you signed up for, etc., etc.).
Saying something along the lines, "you can always be a maid..." is not the same thing as listening to someone and eventually maybe saying, "....is there another role or career in which you feel you might be happier?" No--the former is a sarcastic way of saying you chose this. Which, in fact, you did not choose to have people treat you poorly.
It's a twist on the false dichotomy/bifurcation fallacy and also probably contains the tenets of at least another fallacy or two (ergo decedo, etc.)
OK... I make it a point to never argue with someone who knows everything. I like to keep things simple. I am not the kind of person who is impressed by fancy words. I was not raised to think that being a housekeeper or waitress was a demeaning job that no one wanted to do. Work is work and there is nothing wrong with being a maid. I did not intend for my comments to come off as sarcastic nor do I believe that my coworker was being sarcastic. JKL33- I understand that you feel the need to critique my comments and tell me what is helpful and what is not helpful but you need to understand that no one asked you to do this and just because you think you know everything doesn’t mean that you do. My advice may not be helpful to you but it may be helpful to someone else. So just back off.
OK... I make it a point to never argue with someone who knows everything. I like to keep things simple. I am not the kind of person who is impressed by fancy words.
I'm sorry, no intent to impress but rather just give explanations of the rationales for my opinion.
1 hour ago, 77Mercy said:
I was not raised to think that being a housekeeper or waitress was a demeaning job that no one wanted to do.
Same.
Surely you do recognize, though, that you coworker just happened to pick jobs that might possibly be considered less desirable for someone who is educated in a professional role. She could have said, "I understand why you don't like this. Why don't you work towards getting into a non-bedside role"....she went directly to an improper challenge consisting of, "if you don't like being treated poorly by patients, you are welcome to go work as a waitress/maid/etc...."
I feel that the difference between these two statements is as plain as day.
1 hour ago, 77Mercy said:
I did not intend for my comments to come off as sarcastic nor do I believe that my coworker was being sarcastic.
I don't think you were being sarcastic at all. I read your post as being genuine; I simply disagree with the tack taken by your coworker.
1 hour ago, 77Mercy said:
JKL33- I understand that you feel the need to critique my comments and tell me what is helpful and what is not helpful but you need to understand that no one asked you to do this and just because you think you know everything doesn’t mean that you do.
I have posted my opinion about your coworker's comments. I don't know why that would give you the impression that I think I know everything.
I'm sorry if you have taken my opinion of your coworker's motivational tack as a personal slam against yourself. I never meant that, which is (in part) why I also included statements of yours that I wholly agree with in my original reply to you.
cardiacfreak, ADN
742 Posts
I no longer work acute care, but it was also my job to "straighten them right out".
I remember one particular nasty mouthed fellow tell me, "And there's nothing you can do about how I talk to anybody, I'm the patient and you have to be nice to me.". I replied, "No sir, I don't have to be nice, I only have to take care of you to the best of my ability, my job description states nothing about nice"