Mental Breakdown part 3

[Izzy21]

Update to me quitting my last nursing job after about 4 months on the job and 1.5 months LOA after which I could not return due to such high anxieties. I have been struggling quietly with depression/anxiety for at least 16-17 years now. I quit my subacute/LTC job of about 4.5 years around March 2021 and started a hospital med/surg job in July 2021 which I then quit in January 2022. At first it felt great, what a relief, so freeing to just admit to my family I am in no state to be pushing myself in a toxic field that has just jaded me and broken me down even further along with my already problematic depression/anxiety. I am now feeling the stresses though of what am I going to do? Do I just stay out of nursing all together? Do I go back? Do I move to MD to be with my significant other or does he move to NJ to be with me (both of us not in any good state when it comes to work). How will I pay for living expenses if I don't go back to nursing? Do I just pretend I am okay and keep going until I finally fully snap and am just gone? How do I afford to live in a society that is all about money now and never about just people? Do I just give up? Do I keep putting more financial burden on my family who wants me there in NJ with them but to their financial detriment if I decide to be in NJ with my BF? Do I just give in to this world? I am so broken, I am so fed up, I want to give up. I don't even know if I believe in so called "help" anymore. "Help" has to be paid for out of pocket unless you just want to lose your nursing license or job anyways...but let's say even if I don't go back into nursing now with no insurance, no job, nothing what else is there to do? There is no such thing as "help" it seems in this society anymore.

[Davey Do]

The second step of the four-step problem solving process is gathering data, so it can be appreciated that reaching out to others is a portion of that endeavor to find a suitable solution, Izzy.

Finding a suitable solution to the myriad of presented problems and concerns presented cannot be answered in one fell swoop. There is no magic pill, in other words. Dealing with life is a day-to-day process in which we hope that each day we will progress.

So, each day we must work toward our own emotional betterment. Working a program, like Emotions Anonymous' 12-step program, helps to remind us of that every day. There's a great website which I frequent which has readings, discussions, etc.

Check it out, Izzy, and The Fates will guide you.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

You are clearly dealing with many issues beyond just nursing, and larger than a message board of strangers can adequately address. I would love to be able to tell you no matter what it will all be fine and you can do whatever will make you happiest. But, as you know, there are always consequences and while society in general sometimes prioritizes measurements of wealth and success above things like personal health, you will always have bills to pay and responsibilities as an adult. If you think there are absolutely no areas of nursing that would meet your mental health needs then you may need to consider alternative career paths. 

I hope that you have a mental health professional to work with that will help you talk through the many things you're working with right now. Being away from your significant other is also a stressor that adds to the difficulties you're facing. I do hope you are not feeling quite as desperate as your post sounds. If you are feeling like you might hurt yourself or do anything drastic, I hope you will seek emergency mental health admission, no matter what the cost is, you are important and deserve to see your worth. Good luck. 

[HiddenAngels]

Hi there, sounds like you're dealing with a lot.  Please know that you are human and we are not perfect. Try to tackle one thing at a time.  All of what you're going through together is overwhelming, it would be for anyone.  Take a deep breath, or a few, and start with one thing at a time.  Relax, take a walk, get some fresh air, meditate, and then slowly start putting the puzzle together. This is your life, master it!

[ghillbert, MSN, NP]

That's a lot of big questions. I would urge you not to make big decisions while you are in a state of depression/anxiety. Do you have a mental health provider? Medication or non-medication support? Many providers have sliding scale costs for therapy online if you do not have insurance. It takes a lot of different approaches to improve your mental health enough to make some of the larger life decisions. Eat well, get enough sleep, spend time with friends and family, get out in nature, start a journal, try to find some apps (some are free) for mindfulness or meditation. Even Starbucks gives benefits if you work I think 20 hrs/wk so you could do something non-nursing while you work on things.