Men in nursing: Do we have different emotional responses?

barefootlady, ADN, RN · Feb 4, 2008

Hello,

Female here. I have not worked with that many gay male nurses here. The gay guys here are professionals, do a great job, and keep their personal business personal. If they discuss plans, dates or other areas of their lives, it is generally with the few older nurses like myself and it is generally away from the actual work area. I like the male nurses I have contact with, gay or straight, they are excellent so we do not seem to have a problem with patients refusing care from any male nurse.

Having said that, the problem I have is with a couple of gay docs. One is great, good doc, but his partner is the pits. Not too long ago I had to do some tracking the good one down to fix a problem the bad one created. When everything was over, this good doc took me aside and thanked me for calling him but..I had to tell him I was filing a incident report. He knew it, accepted it, and said he would discuss the situation with the other doc. He knows me and several of the older nurses well. He knows we cover his rear but we are not going to continue to do this unless the bad doc shapes up or ships out. I do not have time to do this anymore. So we will see.

But, hey, male nurses do a great job and I hope many more males enter nursing.

bigjim · Feb 5, 2008

It is great to see more males entering nursing. It is a rewarding career and has many options. I am a male nurse and I am gay. I worked in Boston for years with many male and female nurses. I found to my surprise that most of the men I worked with, as early as 1989, were not gay. Do gay nurses have more compasion than straight male nurses? That would be an excellent research topic...hey it's mine. LOL. I found there is a difference in gay male nurses and straight male nurses when emotions are concerned. I see gays as being more expressive in expressing emotions than non-gay male nurses. What are your opinions? Agree or disagree? I had less troubles with female patients than my non-gay male colleagues. I got refused less and was able to do my job with less tension or rejection. Is this your story? How does being a male nurse effect your male image? Do some patients assume your gay? How is it working with gay male nurses? Tough questions.
Have a great day,
Mike, MA, RN, LMHC

I think that gay nurses run the gamut of personalities, just like any other kind of nurses. I am not a nurse yet, nor am I gay, but I have worked with people of all different genders, races, and sexual orientations. Some were great, a few were horrible. Most were in the middle.

Certainly, your orientation is going to be a big part of your identity, but it does not automatically endow you with a particular type of emotions or personality traits.

Also, a patient may not treat a gay nurse any differently, possibly because they may not even know. For every guy flouncing around like Jack on "Will and Grace", speaking with an affected lisp and calling people "girlfriend", there are any number of people who don't have those characteristics.

Many are just quiet, professional people who happen to be attracted to the same sex. Others may be more flamboyant, but still not particularly emotional or compassionate. People are different.

cpnegrad07 · Feb 5, 2008

"Do gay nurses have more compasion than straight male nurses?" Well, i'd say maybe they express it differently. I don't know who is gay here, if anyone (small unit with 3 guys/10 women). Obviously, flaming gays are going to show their emotions, well, flaming! I'm low-key by nature. I think my patients can tell i care and am sincere, but i don't do the over-the-top, happy-to-see-you, good-morning thing that some people (men, women, gay, straight) do.

"I see gays as being more expressive in expressing emotions than non-gay male nurses." -- Well, the ones who are expressively gay are more expressive, i'll give you that. And the others i guess keep it to themselves. Being straight, i really don't know who is who unless they are flaming, as i said.

"How does being a male nurse effect your male image?" I'm older than most guys on here, i'd say, and am very comfortable with myself after all the experience i've had. I actually enjoy telling people i'm now a nurse and watching their reactions. And, i think that male nurses are not that unusual now.

"Do some patients assume your gay?" --don't know. I think a lot of the male pts. are happy to see a guy to talk to. (Lots of the LOLs are happy to see a guy, too!!) As a patient, i'd rather have one of those over-the-top females taking care of me, but i'm not that way as a provider.

"How is it working with gay male nurses?" I only know of 1 that i've been around (he worked ER and i was a Paramedic bringing him business)--what was it like? amusing.

Have a great day,

Mike, MA, RN, LMHC

K98 · Feb 6, 2008

I once admitted a young female patient to our SICU post-op after being ejected from her car in an accident. Her family, needless to say, was quite concerned, and was pressuring our unit secretary with repeated calls from the waiting room. Myself and one of the female RNs were bathing the patient and getting her squared away when a young man invited himself into the unit. He pulled the privacy curtain, walked into the room, and became VERY upset when he saw a male in the room. He began yelling, and demanded that I leave. I explained to him that his behavior was unacceptable and asked him to return to the waiting room and wait for one of the staff to accompany him onto the unit. At this point he demanded to know if I was gay. Now, I ascribe to the theory that if it feels good, DON'T SAY IT, but I couldn't help myself. Again, he demanded to know if I was gay, to which I responded, "You looking for a date, slugger?" My co-worker began to snicker, as did the partially snowed girlfriend. At this, the poor little guy turned bright red and stomped out the door. The veins on his forehead looked like a relief map of the Colorado Rockies. I wish I could say that I felt bad, but I didn't.

SteveNNP, MSN, NP · Feb 6, 2008

Again, he demanded to know if I was gay, to which I responded, "You looking for a date, slugger?"

oh snap!

Nice comeback.... I'll have to tuck that one away for another day....

nursemike, ASN, RN · Feb 6, 2008

I once admitted a young female patient to our SICU post-op after being ejected from her car in an accident. Her family, needless to say, was quite concerned, and was pressuring our unit secretary with repeated calls from the waiting room. Myself and one of the female RNs were bathing the patient and getting her squared away when a young man invited himself into the unit. He pulled the privacy curtain, walked into the room, and became VERY upset when he saw a male in the room. He began yelling, and demanded that I leave. I explained to him that his behavior was unacceptable and asked him to return to the waiting room and wait for one of the staff to accompany him onto the unit. At this point he demanded to know if I was gay. Now, I ascribe to the theory that if it feels good, DON'T SAY IT, but I couldn't help myself. Again, he demanded to know if I was gay, to which I responded, "You looking for a date, slugger?" My co-worker began to snicker, as did the partially snowed girlfriend. At this, the poor little guy turned bright red and stomped out the door. The veins on his forehead looked like a relief map of the Colorado Rockies. I wish I could say that I felt bad, but I didn't.

What an excellent rule: if it feels good, don't say it. I'll have to remember that. I should probably even try to implement it. But, gee, it would have been tragic to let a comeback like that go unsaid...

nursemike, ASN, RN · Feb 6, 2008

I don't notice a lot of a pattern regarding sexual orientation and emotional expressiveness. I don't know nearly enough gay men or women to constitute a scientific sample, but as bigjim observed, they seem to run the same gamut as everyone else.

In 2.5 years as an RN, I've had one female pt preface a somewhat disparaging comment (based on her religious views) about gays with the disclaimer, "no offense intended." I've had one male pt. who wanted to keep in touch after his discharge--not sure, but had a feeling he meant to explore the possibility of something more than just friendship (My rule of thumb with any patient is that I'll exchange e-mails, but I don't feel it's appropriate to go beyond that. I'm not sure, exactly, what the official nursing ethics of becoming personally involved with former patients are, but I'm pretty sure some of the female pts who've suggested an ongoing relationship have been experiencing a certain amount of transferance. They're in a vulnerable state, and someone showing them kindness might appear more romantic than he would, otherwise. I suppose I could be more attractive than I realize, but I've noticed in life that not so many women hit on me when they aren't loaded up with morphine...).

I'm straight, and I think I tend to be a bit reserved, emotionally. I have to work at being assertive--it's hard for me to express what I think of as negative emotions, so my natural inclination is either to be passive/aggressive or to bottle things up until they...well, not really explode, but burst out in less-than-appropriate ways. I rarely do exuberantly happy, either. For the most part, I'm a cheerful extravert, but only to a point. I think nursing has been good for me, in that regard. I often have a duty to be assertive, even if it isn't entirely comfortable, and I need to be emotionally available to my patients, even when the conversation gets into personal areas. Plus, I work with a bunch of huggers.

My father, who is also straight, has more of an artistic temperment. It's all agony and ecstasy with him, and he's very much a perfectionist (I'm a slob.). He paints, plays and writes music, I do photography. He creates, I observe. I do occassionally try to write, but I seem more inclined to essays than fiction--I'd rather discuss ideas than bare my soul.

I don't directly work with many gays. One nurse I know was an aide on my unit while I was an orderly, and he was actually my last "date" (it's a long story, but there was no kissing good-night). He's a great guy and a great nurse. A couple of other nurses I know to be gay seem like pretty good guys, too. A flambouyantly gay male aide who worked on my unit awhile back was the pits, but I don't think it had anything to do with being gay. I've seen lazy and uncaring straight people, too.

I'm not sure what to make of it, and I haven't known enough to make a scientific sample, but I seem to really like lesbians (and I don't mean in a perverted way--well, not just a perverted way.) The few women I've known who liked other women have just seemed easier to hang out with. My gay friend once remarked that he has a bit of an aversion to lesbians. He's not actively hostile, he just prefers not to be in their company, socially, and he says that's pretty typical of gay men, although I'm sure there's a lot of variability there, too.

ktwlpn, LPN · Feb 6, 2008

I think it's kind of sad that we STILL judge nurses by their capacity to administer "warm fuzzies" If I'm circling the drain I would like a competent nurse,please-not a pillow fluffing,hand holding nurse that runs the other way when they see the crash cart coming ..

In my experience I can't really categorize or stereotype any nurse I've worked with.I've worked with gay and straight men and women and they were all just nurses....

Trauma Columnist · Feb 6, 2008

I've been a nurse for 16 years now and I guess I'm pretty dense. I just don't care if someone is gay, straight, purple, has piercings, tattoos, etc.. All I want is a calm, efficient nurse. I have been extremely fortunate to work with some of the finest nurses ever. Believe me, if management ever thought we had time to chit chat, they were cutting staff - lol.

theatredork · Feb 9, 2008

I don't think being gay affects how I practice as a nurse. If anything, I'm more able to compartmentalize my emotions easier than my colleagues. It's hard for me to really answer most of your questions, since I don't know if my coworkers are gay or not, mainly because I haven't been at this job all that long. I just know that I work with a lot of competent, highly skilled nurses.

organichombre, ADN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Feb 11, 2008

Hey Mike,

Tough questions? Not so much since I've been doing this for 20 years but here are some honest answers...

How does being a male nurse effect your male image? Do some patients assume your gay? How is it working with gay male nurses?

My image when I started was a compassionate male who liked being around women! Yeah I actually thought it would be cool to work with women since I had spent the last 10 to 15 years getting close to them anyway. I needed a job that I could depend on and since I did not have the time or sense to become an MD, there I was! I knew the cliche' of male nurses= gay would be all around me but hey I was macho enough to just let my actions speak for themselves! I knew some nurses who were gay and frankly I did not fit in with them so it wasn't a problem. You are right that gay men respond differently than straight men when expressing emotions and that is why you are gay and I am not. The expression of emotions in the presence of a critically ill pt is dangerous. Your pt should look towards you for strength and a calm, rational presence, and not see someone who is out of control. Gay men do not have anymore compassion than straight guys do, and you will have a helluva time with that research project mainly because there are too many variables that would invalidate your research! One of the men who talks at my church is gay and I gotta tell you he is one of the most spiritual persons I know. But I would not want him around me when the **** hit the fan because he would become a nut case. That does not mean that he more or less compassionate than me, but he expresses his emotions so well that it would be detrimental. As for getting things done with women, I've had much success with that with my peers, but management is another thing altogether. I have sat back for years and watched how women treat each other and I am amazed at how mean they are! I have had a wonderful career as a nurse and now I am teaching nursing school which is fantastic! The students appreciate the fact that I have "been there" and offer a unique opportunity to see nursing from a different perspective. Thank you for that stimulating question and I hope I have not offended you, because I bet you are probably a great nurse!