sevensonnets 12,049 Views
Joined: Nov 14, '10;
Posts: 786 (82% Liked)
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I used to keep my pen behind my ear so nobody would ever dream of assaulting me for my pen. Once I dropped my pen and it promptly got run over by a chair. I just picked it up and stuck it back behind my ear. About two hours later somebody said, "Seven, you have ink in your hair and down the side of your neck!"
I got a little confused about that one too except I thought "Why would a server be drawing blood?" (Sorry Hurricanekat, it's been a long long day!)
Before washing hands 478 times a day became a thing, I used the palm of my hand and sometimes the back of my hand like a memo board. Can't do that anymore. A lot of vital info goes down the drain that way. The sacred parchment is the way to go. And I have been known to do a pen shakedown when any of mine go missing. Miss with my pen and I'll hurt you.
You were taking care of a patient who was NPO but you didn't know what NPO meant? Sorry, but I'm not buying that part of your story.
Back in the days of the "precordial thump" I had to thump this older guy several times. The last time he looked up at me and says, "Lady, what the devil do you keep hittin' me for?"
I once took care of an Irish priest who was in ICU because this a Catholic hospital and priests are like VIP'S. He was a very messy eater and one particular morning he had scrambled eggs and toast with jelly all over his gown. He flatly refused a bath or even a clean gown. Therapy was coming to walk him in the hall but he wouldn't budge. He says, "Ah lass, ye sound like me auld Irish mother. No son of mine will ever appear in public wearing his breakfast eggs!"
When nothing about a story makes sense, it usually isn't true.
One time I worked 7P/7A, a rarity for me. This one patient had multiple solusets to hang so I was in and out of the room all night, but even with the light from the hall she didn't stir all night. Went in to hang the last ABX at 0600 and she says, "Do you know anything about the Portuguese language?" I said, "Uh, noooo. Do you?" She says, "No, I just thought you might."
One of my favorite patients was deaf and blind. He kept the call button in his hand at all times but never ever used it. He could feel the vibrations of people walking past in the hall and call out to them. I was going down the hall one evening and heard this little voice go, "Helloooo? I could eat a cow!"
This patient kept trying to get out of bed forgetting the fact that he had no legs. So he spent a lot of time in a heap on the floor. One time he just reached up and got his pillow and blanket and just got comfy for a nap in the floor. I came in and said, "Oh, no Mr. M, you fell again! This is the second time today!" He said, "I did not fall. It was a controlled landing."
We had a 90 something year old lady in ICU with a serious head injury. She was totally unresponsive but you still have to do the neuro checks q4 anyway. One morning I asked her, "Mrs. Smith, do you know what today is?" She opened her eyes for the first time in about 2 weeks and says, "Well, I hope it's not my d***n birthday again!" I didn't know little old ladies talked like that!! It was actually the Fourth of July.
Once I had a patient who didn't do well after a total knee and was sent to us in ICU. Nice older man, totally with it and easy to talk to. I came in one morning and he told me the nurses had been really loud during the night because somebody had a birthday and they had ordered pizza. He says, "I started once to just get up and go home!" I said, "You wouldn't have got very far with all this stuff attached to you and no ride home." He says, "Lady, I had my horse!"
You had to take a bathroom break to prevent a heated outburst of your own. Might not a heated outburst have been unprofessional as well?
A little humor is a great way to connect with patients and makes the day a little brighter for you and the patient!
And it closes off my airway, period.
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