Found on the net at: http://phc.mpr.org/activities/19951231_comedy/scripts1.htm Medical Grade Duct TapeAnnouncer: In these economic times it's important to find new answers to old problems. That's why the Duct Tape Corporation is pleased to announce new Medical Grade Duct tape.Sound: Operating Room noises.Doctor: Is the patient ready?Nurse: They're wheeling him in now.Patient: Ohhh.Doctor: This should be a simple triple by-pass. ScalpelNurse: Here, Doctorpatient: (nervously) Ahh, wait a minute. Shouldn't I be sedated first?Doctor: What? Do you know what that would cost? Nurse?Nurse: Yes, Doctor?Doctor: Tape him down.Sound: Rip. Rip.Patient: (paniced) I don't know about this. This doesn't seem like a good idea.Sound: Rip.Patient: Mmmm, Uhhh, MmmmDoctor: Quit complaining. You'll faint as soon as we start cutting! Okay, making the first incision.Nurse: First incision.Doctor: Suction.Sound: Vacumn and sucking noises.Doctor: That's good.Sound: Slurping sound.Doctor: This machine is much better than the old one. Will this be available for my four o'clock?Nurse: The Janitor needs it back at five.Doctor: We'll have to work quickly then. Okay...here's the problem. Ohh!Nurse: Problem doctor?Doctor: These arteries are really plugged up! It's like a fat fryer in here. Okay. Time to re-connect the major artery.Nurse: Suture?Doctor: No Tape...Duct Tape.Nurse: Duct Tape Doctor?Doctor: Yes, it's quicker, easier, and it doesn't bio-degrade.Sound: Ripping of tape.Doctor: Okay, just have to watch...oh damn!Nurse: Problem?Doctor: Yes. The bottom has stuck to the middle. Can you get that?Nurse: Here?Doctor: No, you're twisting it. Yes. That's it. Okay. Let's close.Sound: Ripping of tape.Doctor: That's good.Nurse: Yes Doctor.Doctor: It's bleeding a little there. Stick another piece on.Sound: RippingDoctor: Longer.Sound: RipDoctor: Bit more.Sound RipDoctor: Perfect.Announcer: Three days later...Doctor: So, Mr Jones, how are you feeling?Patient: (weakly) A bit better..Doctor: Just want to check how you're healing...Sound: Long loud ripPatient: Blood curdling scream.Doctor: Very good. That's coming along nicely. I'll just get the nurse to tape you up again. Nurse!Announcer: Yes, new medical grade Duct Tape, doing our bit to bring down medical costs and helping to save Medicare.[This message has been edited by laugh (edited September 14, 1999).] 0 Likes
Wolfpax 102 Posts May 30, 2004 You know, duct tape is much more effective than leather restraints, you do not need a special bed, you can just duct them right there to the wall or the chair, or the floor..... 0 Likes
elkpark 14,633 Posts May 30, 2004 What a great idea!! I'm never without my roll of everyday duct tape, and we all know how many million things it's good for, so pharmaceutical-grade duct tape would be a great breakthrough, IMO! :rotfl: 0 Likes
Berta 219 Posts May 30, 2004 Can you imagine the uses for Gorilla Glue??I bet it would be awesome for fixing broken bones..lol :rotfl: 0 Likes
