Love in the OR

Nurses General Nursing

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I recently entered into an intense relationship at work with an anesthetist I have worked with for 3 years. We have always been close, and have worked together as partners, so we thought no one would notice the change in our relationship. Wrong! Although we make it a point not to touch inappropriately or disappear together at work, people can tell when a man and a woman are in love. Within 2 weeks, our small hospital was abuzz with the gossip about our affair, and many people have the nerve to approach me about it.

I know that our jobs are not in jeopardy as long as we conduct ourselves professsionally, but the gossip is stressing me out. How should I handle this situation?

I have to ask...is the good doctor married?

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Ah ha! I was wondering when someone would pick up on that. Yes, he is married, has been separated over 2 years, but hasn't made that public. I'm sure I'll really get crucified now that I have admitted this overwhelming fact. Ok, guys, bring it on.

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Originally posted by VictoriaG

Ah ha! I was wondering when someone would pick up on that. Yes, he is married, has been separated over 2 years, but hasn't made that public. I'm sure I'll really get crucified now that I have admitted this overwhelming fact. Ok, guys, bring it on.

I think the fact that he hasn't made that public and is ready and willing to have an apparent affair with you is enough. Why drag your name and reputation through the mud? I'm sorry, but I will never understand why women are so willing to such things for a man. An honorable man would have made sure your reputation was intact before flaunting an affair.

Discretion is the better part of valor.

Edited to say you could have been more forthcoming about asking for advice and said this was an extramarital affair - not many would have offered support and encouragement, as I'm sure you may realize.

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Hey Victoria,

It certainly is no-ones place to judge you. I would also say, "what defines a marriage" So you say he's married, yet separated, unfortunately hasn't made that public. Bummer for you, as per our culture, It's ok for the man but "wrong" on the woman's part. You know the facts, and if indeed he is separated, and the situation works for you, so be it. Hang in, things work out as they will.

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Sorry, my dear, but....ARE YOU CRAZY!!!

First married men who cheat on their wives (separated or not) will eventually cheat on their mistresses.

Second, doctors have a well deserved reputation for sleeping with the staff, patients, kids' nanny...anyone dumb (sorry again) enough to believe their lies. Has he said, "my wife doesn't understand me?", "we are staying together just for the kids", "we have too much tied-up in property, bank account, IRA's, etc. to get a divorce", etc., etc., etc.

Third, he's a doctor for @#$*!%-sake! Why would you lower yourself!

Now, if you really love him and he really loves you...tell him to show you the final divorce papers before he comes knocking on your door again. It doesn't matter what size hospital you are working in or what people know or don't know or say or don't say...he is using you. And you are the only one who will get hurt...run don't walk.

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are you sure he is separated? have you seen his home or do you have to sneak away to see him. be careful. i am sure the ex is thinking "what goes around, comes around". you will end up hurt. :cool:

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Well... I can now understand why people would be talking about your relationship.

I'm concerned about why hasn't he made his separation public? Only you know your situation. Like others above, are you sure he's separated? And if he is separated, has he filed for divorce? Not judging, I just don't want to see you strung out (and I don't know all the details).

If he's already filed for divorce, then although it's not "proper" for him to have a girlfriend - I would encourage social activities (dinner / movies) over sexual activities. Does he have any children? If so, stay away from them!!! :nono: They don't need to meet you until AFTER the divorce. Don't do anything that you wouldn't feel free to tell them later.

If it's right, it will be right in a year or two when he's finally divorced. If you "lose" him because you expected him to wait till he was clear and free ... then he's not a great catch.

Best of luck to you!

Kitty :D

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My husband dated when we were married (I didn't know). Most of his girlfriends thought he was separated, too (brain separated from his other head, probably!).

One of his girlfriends was smart enough to figure it out; she let me know, I divorced him, she dumped him, now he's dating some poor fool in RI he met over the 'net (he lives in Kansas).

If you were both single, GREAT! But if he's married, even if separated, I see nothing but heart ache for you.

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Victoria,

In my experience I told you about, the Doc was married the tech was not. She was dragged through the mudd literally, I felt soo bad for her. She tried soo hard to fit in to the others mold. They would look up words in the dictionary like comcubine and then write the definition and then put her name as part of the definition. He used her and went on she ended up leaving the town she grew up and starting over. It was sad! The worst part of the whole thing is that he joked about her when she was gone.

This group of people was the most demented group of people I have ever encountered in the health care field. I ended up leaving my tech position to be a nursing assistant on the floor just to get away from all of the crazy stuff. When I went to the floor I could not believe I was working in the same hospital!!! Group dynamics play an important role.

I didn't want to tell you the down side to the story before. I just think that you should be careful discuss why he won't come out about his separation. Only you and he know what is at the heart of your relationship and I stand by what I said before, enjoy being in love and don't let others hurt and stress you to the point of leaving your job if you like it there.

Just be careful!! I wish you the best of luck and happiness.

Y2KRN

P.S. The circulator in this story was also dragged through the mudd by her fellow co-workers and so called friends and did not end up with the Doc in the end. Funny thing she was the one married, he was single. That was the end of her marriage. I would have also felt sorry for her if she hadn't been so hateful towards the other girl. I felt she got everything she deserved.

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Originally posted by LasVegasRN

.....................Edited to say you could have been more forthcoming about asking for advice and said this was an extramarital affair - not many would have offered support and encouragement, as I'm sure you may realize.

Right on the money Vegas, my initial reply has been edited.

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Specializes in CV-ICU.

Victoria, I have responded to your posts in the past about your impossible work situations etc. You have done so much for this small hospital that the community should thank you. Instead, you will be seen as a homewrecker.

What you are doing now is stupid and all of the hard work and heart ache you have gone through to correct the terrible work conditions in that place will be for nought. The last thing you need now is an extramarital affair. Get your head out of the clouds, put your feet on the ground and THINK ABOUT WHAT THE HECK you are doing! Until this guy is divorced and the papers are signed and dry; don't even think about even a friendly relationship with him.

Think about this, Victoria: in a small town, how can a person be secretly separated? I've lived in small towns before; if you sneeze at 4 AM, 4 people will bless you, then it will be in the papers the next morning. Small towns don't have secrets; and this man is NOT separated from his wife!

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Specializes in CV-ICU.

Victoria, I have responded to your posts in the past about your impossible work situations etc. You have done so much for this small hospital that the community should thank you. Instead, you will be seen as a homewrecker.

What you are doing now is stupid and all of the hard work and heart ache you have gone through to correct the terrible work conditions in that place will be for nought. The last thing you need now is an extramarital affair. Get your head out of the clouds, put your feet on the ground and THINK ABOUT WHAT THE HECK you are doing! Until this guy is divorced and the papers are signed and dry; don't even think about even a friendly relationship with him.

Think about this, Victoria: in a small town, how can a person be secretly separated? I've lived in small towns before; if you sneeze at 4 AM, 4 people will bless you, then it will be in the papers the next morning. Small towns don't have secrets; and this man is NOT separated from his wife!

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