Love the Job, Hate the Environment

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN · Dec 11, 2014

Is this a state facility for the criminally insane? If so there should be other State mental health facility positions you could transfer to. This is lateral or vertical violence and before you resign, you might want to explore what remedies are available through your employer. No one should be made to feel that uncomfortable at their workplace. It is illegal. A complaint could be made to the EEOC. If you can prove a pattern of illegal retaliation and harassment. I have heard that they will come in and turn the place upside down. If you decide to go down that path, do not discuss the issue with anyone at work.

Have you read the Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout?

It contains a lot of insight and strategies for dealing with this type of individual in the workplace.

Especially Chapter 4 which is about disturbed individuals working in MH facilities.

Do your best to build trusting congenial relationships with your colleagues. You said you dislike confrontation, this makes you an easy target and she is counting on that. You need to work on that. These types retaliate with fury when they are exposed so be very careful with narcotic counts and med administration.

I would avoid this person and her best friend like an std. Go play cards or something with the patients until you make a decision about your best course of action.

I think you don't need all of this stress in your life and you should try lining up another position.

Stephalump · Dec 11, 2014

I haven't read the book, but I definitely need to! I have very little experience dealing with people like her. My normal method of keeping my head down doesn't seem to be working. Probably because of what you said...she can sense my hatred of confrontation. This woman knows when she's being avoided and doesn't like it.

I work for a private facility and there's really nowhere else for me to go. All I could do is maybe switch shifts, but she's notorious for continuing to harass people who have switched shifts to avoid her. How sad is that?

I have a good relationship with everyone at my job except her and her few minions, which is probably the only reason I've stayed this long. I work with some great MHTs and nurses, but they all seem to leave too soon.

Ugh. I don't know what to do anymore.

RunBabyRN · Dec 12, 2014

Is there a manager above these two that you can speak with?

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. The people you work with will make or break a job.

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN · Dec 12, 2014

Most employers will discount such complaints as animosity between two coworkers.

A complaint from a patient, family member or the medical staff, or a clinical issue, will be taken seriously and investigated.

If this person is someone like Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest, ( a great movie)who loved having power over the patients manipulating and controlling them, then she will not get away with that forever. There were a lot of good lines in that movie. Do not let nurse ratched have so much power over you!

Long term employees get too comfortable and say and do all kinds of unprofessional things.

Please document and report any verbal or emotional abuse toward the patients. These kind of MH workers have a lot of skeletons in their closets as you will see when you read the book and they do gravitate to MH jobs.

If you do leave, you owe it to yourself to get her alone and tell her that she is the most disturbed and dysfunctional person in the whole place and that she needs to get her own symptoms under control.

The next time that she tries to counsel you for some trumped up nonsense you say

"That's a bunch of ^&*% and we both know it. Prove it. "

When she speaks rudely, to anyone, call her out

"what did you say, the was really inappropriate."

If gossiping and staff splitting are how she stirs the pot for her own amusement say

"I don't like to talk about people, imagine how you would feel if you knew that people were saying uncharitable things about you. Or called you a mean old bitty or something like that." ( No dont really say that last part but you can think it.)

Silence and walking away from people like this also sends the message loud and clear that you are not interested in listening to their nonsense.

Watch Amy Cuddy's TED talk on body language. It is excellent.

Best wishes and I hope that you stand tall and speak up with your confident voice when you see or hear something that isn't right. Maggie

caliotter3 · Dec 12, 2014

Well, isn't it true that you are young? And aren't you not ugly as well? There! You have it! (Ha, ha)

caliotter3 · Dec 12, 2014

On a serious note, I believe I have come across many people that would and do hold young and decent looking, against others at work. Their childish comments and mannerisms usually give them away. You have been given good advice. I would not leave just because of her behavior.

WarrenpeaceRN · Dec 13, 2014

I'm 2 years into my first nursing job. I work on an acute psych unit. I love working with the patients and the doctors. Working with the other nurses is another story. Most are bitter, passive aggressive and the unhappiest bunch of people I have ever met. One guy was so nasty, it was going towards bullying. I finally had a sit down with the lead attending and head nurse. It stopped. Immediate supervisor is a bit of a psychopath, all sweet and smiling but cares only about herself. There is no sense of being on a team, she doesn't look out for nurses, etc. Basic good management practices and team building simply does not happen.

Now that I have two years experience, I'm starting to look elsewhere. Is this a typical nursing environment? Is there anything I can do during the interview process to minimize the chance of walking into the same dysfunctional and soul-destroying environment?

I really enjoy working with the patients and it is clear that I connect with them quickly. I just don't feel valued or my work/contributions are appreciated.

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN · Dec 13, 2014

Is this a typical nursing environment?

No it is not typical. Most psych professionals are caring compassionate people.

Is there anything I can do during the interview process to minimize the chance of walking into the same dysfunctional and soul-destroying environment?

When people are stressed, they tend to take it out on each other. Ask about nurse or staff to patient ratios. In the interview I would ask the manager how do you balance your administrative responsibilities with supporting your staff nurses.

There are a few bad apples anywhere you go. When the gossip starts, and you know about setting limits, say

"we don't need to go there." That is a very useful phrase to know. As the RN you set the tone for your shift and your unit. Do not be the person who comes in with a bad mood or who constantly criticizes everything.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Dec 16, 2014

I was a nurse manager in a free standing chemical dependency hospital. I LOVED it. My boss, the Director, was a PhD psychologist and probably Axis 2. I loved my nurses and counselors! And at first (naturally) my boss LOOOOVED me, and I was enchanted by his charm. I heard little rumors about his 'anger problem' and by the end of four years, the honeymoon long over and the divorce needing to be filed.

I look back at what I put myself through, to cope with him, ignore him, overlook his nasty comments (which were always public). It almost made me crack. I felt like a failure when I resigned. You don't want to put yourself through all this to the point it affects your self confidence as a person or a nurse. The toxicity is real, and no amount of coping skills/detaching/big picture will prevent the toxicity from hurting you.

My next job was like breathing fresh air for the first time in years. It doesn't have to be this way. I let it go on so long I felt stuck there, like I didn't dare get a different job lest I screw it up just like this one. That's how skewed my perceptions were getting.

I see your situation and mine as an abusive environment. No one remains unaffected. You aren't 'weak' if you can't tolerate it. Leave before you personalize this, and then have to dig yourself out emotionally. It's not worth it and since you really love the job, go give yourself where you are appreciated.

NICUmiiki, DNP, NP · May 2, 2017

Steph? Where ya at? It's been a long time.