Loneliness and the First-Year Nontraditional Student

Duttygal86, BSN, RN · Oct 1, 2016

Sorry that you are feeling isolated! You will find out that in the clinical situation, younger students may gravitate towards you because you will more than likely have a better understanding of the "flow" of the floor, politics etc. Also, as the program progressess, cliques will be halved as people fail out. I've seen it more than once since starting my BSN program. In my class, the cliques are divided by where they are from, not necessarily by age. Also, as people begin to recognize you as a strong student, they will flock towards you to study. Give it some time!

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Oct 1, 2016

Just do your thing and quit worrying about fitting in. Once you do that they may come to you. Either way, just do your thing and graduate.

BrendanO, MSN, RN · Oct 2, 2016

Sorry to hear of your struggles connecting socially. Did you move away from your existing friend group to join this program? Are you living with/near the other students in your cohort, or is your non-school life entirely separate from theirs?

The dynamics of cross-generational friendships are definitely difficult to navigate (I'm also in my 40s, in classes with mostly 18 to 21 year-olds for the past year and a half). Consider the experience the younger students have relating to people in their 40s, up until this point in their lives. People our age have been their parents, teachers, professors, etc. Even though you're in the same program as they are, you represent authority figures. Couple that with how well you are doing academically, and I think it's fair to imagine that some of the other students are probably intimidated by you on some level, regardless of your personal affect. That's what two students (both recent HS grads) in my Gen Chem 1 class told me, and it really changed how I understood my social position in other classes after that. They are also all sharing many novel life experiences that you went through 20+ years ago--and you can't do those twice.

So my recommendation would be to find ways to break down that preconception of authority for them. I wouldn't necessarily think that you should anticipate creating BFF relationships with 20 year-olds (those shared novel life experiences are the primary bond in age cohorts), but finding ways to make yourself appear more intellectually and emotionally vulnerable might help break down the social barriers. Ask them for help (even if you don't need it). Ask their opinions on things you're struggling with. If it's not too awkward, invite yourself to sit with some of them at lunch and talk about classes. Do you cook? Bake cookies or brownies or something, and offer them to your group/lab partners. Sweets win people over! I bet some of them will eventually realize that your perspective as an older student can be invaluable to them, both educationally and socially.

I hope your experience changes for the better!

caliotter3 · Oct 2, 2016

I was your age when I was in a BSN program. I commuted to school. Everybody tended to leave me alone unless they wanted something from me. When we did group projects, everybody insured that I was the one traveling the furthest, in their direction. Nobody wanted to drive to my house. I just fended for myself. When they approached me to hire the attorney to fight the school on a major policy change, I told them "no". If I was good enough to provide the money to pay the attorney, then I was good enough to host group project meetings at my house. Independence is a fine trait to practice on a daily basis. You owe your peers nothing and they owe you nothing.

bookgirl667 · Oct 3, 2016

I commute to school via public transportation and have yet to meet anyone from my neighborhood in my program. A lot of the younger students live on campus or commute together. My close friends are not in nursing school or the city where I live, which is definitely contributing to my sense of isolation.

I talked to my therapist about this today, and he suggested trying to join some student organizations, so I think I will try that and see what happens.

BrendanO, MSN, RN · Oct 4, 2016

You could also look on MeetUp and FaceBook to see if there are groups of people who share some of your hobbies and interests around where you live. Don't necessarily focus just on making friends in your program, especially if you're in a city. There are lots of people out there to befriend who aren't 20 years old.

Buyer beware, BSN · Oct 8, 2016

OP: I wouldn't worry about your fellow professional nursing classmates not having the ability to put aside their maturity deficits in attempting to relate to you as a human being albeit an older human being.

You see the selection process for nursing schools concentrates heavily on selecting high compassion and empathy quotient candidates as well as mature individuals in their student class cohorts because they know that these are qualities that will serve them and their patients well when they become RNs.

You may very well have unwittingly gotten yourself in an outlier class that is an exception to the rule.

Just consider their incessant chatter about boyfriends, upgrading cell phones and other self-centered superfluous behaviors as part of the price you pay, once again, to be accepted into such an austere group of sensitive and exemplary caregivers.

And all this in spite of the fact that they continue treat you like a supernumerary nipple.

God Bless