I am an inactive RN interested in returning to practice following five years of being a stay-at-home mommy. My drama is somewhat convoluted and lengthy, so thank you in advance for reading it... and any advice given will be greatly appreciated.
Although I graduated (1997) from nursing school at the top of my class (invited into Sigma Theta Tau and all of that business) I quickly discovered that being a top student did not give me all of the skills necessary to be a successful nurse. I began working for a home-health agency not long after graduation (1998). The owner of the agency assured me that I would be given a good caseload and support would always be a phone call away. At the time, my children were all pretty young but unfortunately, I was married to an abusive man and I feared for their safety while I was working shifts at the local hospital, thus the decision to go to the home health agency (we have since divorced and I am on my own now as a single parent... not that it's any easier, lol!) The promised caseload never materialized with this agency and while I had very good relationships with my clients and fellow RN's/CNA's, it became quite evident that I would have to look elsewhere for employment. I interviewed and accepted a position with the health department, a position that I enjoyed greatly. On my last weekend with this agency, I was assigned to be on-call and I made a visit to a client that I was unfamiliar with. Adult male, spina bifida, bilateral decubiti requiring dressing change, illiostomy... upon arrival at the client's residence, I made my assessment and did the required care up to the dressing change. I was unaware that the family did not maintain a supply of dressings (the agency director neglected to tell me this important bit of information...) so I did the best that I could and volunteered to return later with the dressings which the family declined. I reported the incident to the client's RN, charted my actions, and thought nothing further of it as I began my new position the next Monday. (I do have to admit that I did not give a proper two weeks notice to the agency... something I will never do again!) I would like to point out that this particular agency had a very high turn-over rate for RN's and CNA's, and several of the clients expressed dissatisfaction with the agency director. Also, since I was a new RN, I was frequently asked to provide CNA care to clients because of the high CNA turn-over rate... at a greatly reduced compensation!
Approximately six months later (1999) I received a notice from the board of nursing that my practice was being investigated regarding the previously mentioned incident. I did not have any prior notice from the agency at all, and several of the allegations brought against me was that I falsified my charting and did not perform any of the treatment that I was ordered to do, that I was fired because of this incident (I walked away from that job and was never told that I was fired...) and that the local police department had to assist the agency in the return of equipment issued to me (I returned it two weeks after I left their employment). The board ruled against me... probation with limitations, supervised practice, extra CEU's... In retrospect, I should have stuck it out but I thought the worst and surrendered my license. (My husband was being very abusive to the children and me and the time, and my self-esteem was at an all time low and I doubted everything about myself...)
In 2002, I decided to divorce my husband and return to nursing. The board reinstated my license... with all of the limitations, etc still in place. I accepted this without question. I moved to another state and obtained a license there (with limitations similar to the original state's limitations) and set out to find an RN position. Every hospital that I interviewed for lost interest as soon as I informed them of the limitations... and I gave up trying to find a job in that state. In December, 2004, the original state discontinued the disciplinary case and, according to them, my responsibilities to them were fulfilled and I hold an unencumbered license. The second state, however, has not been so generous... stating that since I have not fulfilled the obligations for supervised employment, the probation will continue indefinitely. I have since allowed that license to expire.
I have discovered that I am very good at doing stupid things, acting without thinking, and burning bridges. My question... what can I do to repair the damage done to my nursing career? I want to go through a refresher course and update my knowledge and skills... and how should I go about explaining the license that I allowed to expire... or is it even necessary? In the letter that the original disciplining board sent to me the district attorney wrote that I was not required to report the case for renewals, etc.
I am still struggling with self-esteem issues... I am an anorexic (went from 175 to 93 pounds) and I am scared to death about returning to nursing. I suppose I am afraid of failure, and I beat myself up on a regular basis regarding how successful I was in school and failed so miserably in practice.
Thank you so much for reading my rather lengthy narrative, and I appreciate any information or advice that I can receive from the participants of this board.
Best wishes for a wonderful weekend, and smile often...
