Just need to vent about my exasperating coworker.

Nurses General Nursing

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My coworker, God bless her, has been a psych nurse for twenty something years. She describes herself as old school and is not afraid to admit that she tortures new staff because she doesn't trust them. She has been through some difficult emotional situations recently as well as ailing health, and as a result has been even more difficult. She doesn't like change, doesn't do some of the work because it involves new learning styles she is not willing to take on at this time, doesn't listen to your report (or write report down!) and then will turn around and complain in a passive-agressive style the next time you report off to her that things aren't being passed along that need to be. She gets in every dig she can at me because I'm a young nurse, and she purposely drags out report so that I can't leave on time. I have to repeat myself several times and really explicate the important things to make sure they sink in. When I work a day shift and she's giving report from the overnight, everything is rushed and we have to get things done quickly because she has to go somewhere or has plans, but she has no problem not being on time for me or interrupting my report several times to socialize with other staff.

Tonight she came in, got her coffee, settled in and started talking with a counselor. I tried several times to catch her attention but she would just continue. At 11:15 I finally had to flat out tell her I wanted to get report going. I started going over the shift report reminders and she interrupted me to tell me that things aren't being passed on, that she had to talk with the nurse manager because the overnight nurse (her) is missing out on a lot of things. I asked her to specify and she couldn't give an example, she just said "oh you know, things." My nurse manager gave me a little public note of acknowledgement for being proactive about taking an extra admission over census capacity, and this nurse took it as a dig at her for some reason. She then went off about how she talked with the nurse manager about admissions this morning and clarified the extra admission policy and how she used to always take an extra patient above census but then they change things and blah blah blah. I refocused her again to try and get report finished and she interrupted me to go back to the very first patient I reported on and then reiterated the "things aren't getting passed on thing," to which I somewhat snapped that this is me passing it on so please pay attention. I'm about four patients in and she interrupts me to talk to a counselor. I interrupt her and say "okay, so this patient" and she talks right over me. I tried to restart report THREE more times and then she held up her finger and told me to hold on one minute, this is important...she starts talking to him about her television and how she couldn't figure out the tuner!!! I looked at her and told her I really needed to get this going, that this was my 7th day of work in a row and I was getting a little squirrely. She told me "Oh well, you're young. Welcome to the world of nursing." I told her I didn't care how young I was, I was tired and wanted to get home. She let me get through report that time but not without going back to each patient when I was on another patient to ask the same things I'd already reported to her because she doesn't write it down. She LOVES to use the line on me that I'm young, and when we have really hectic nights with several difficult patients (it's one nurse for the unit with 12 patients max on a pedi psych unit) she tells me "Welcome to the world of nursing. This is what you get when you want to run with the big dogs." And that's fine, except that I don't make any comments to precipitate that statement. I don't complain when we have aggressive patients or express my frustration, she'll just take it upon herself to make a comment when I'm reporting on the patient's behaviors. I feel as though she wants to punish me for going into nursing. Other staff find her difficult to work with as well. She openly comments when she has all women staff on, she'll frown and "tsk" because there's no male if things get out of hand. She has one staff member who is a clear favorite and will tell him loudly in front of other staff "Oh, XYZ, I wish you were on tonight, I'm working alone with these other two staff."

Tonight she also made it a point to sit across the nursing station from me and say "I'm not sitting near you because I don't want to offend you with my breath." Last week she came in with a really fruity smell on her that hit you the second she walked in the room, like someone who's been drinking or a patient who's in DKA. She's diabetic and I was concerned so I asked her if her sugars were okay. She said that they were and asked why, and I told her that I was worried because I know she's diabetic and she has a sweet, fruity smell like a patient who's in DKA. I didn't say it offensively, I didn't tell her that her breath smelled or even that it was her breath (it wasn't!), but she made it a point to make that a dig tonight. I told her to cut the crap, that I was worried about her last week and wanted to make sure she's okay. Lately she's been coming in disheveled with stains on her clothing and wearing slippers to work, and wearing a ton of bright peach blush. She had a recent major loss in her life and she's more irritable than ever, so it does concern me that there's a possibility she could be drinking, but I'd never say that to her. It isn't my place to confront her on something like that.

There are so many more examples I could give but I feel like I gave enough to show the big picture. I'm not looking for advice, I just needed a place to vent with people who understand what I'm going through! Thanks so much if you got through this.

Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.
I don't know Scrubby, this person sounds like there is more than just passive/aggressive going on here. Your approach certainly is what I would do with the routine obnoxiousness, but that isn't the feeling I got from the OP. Just MHO.

Yeah she sounds like she's a stubby short of a six pack. But that's how I would deal with the problem of her unprofessional behaviour during report, and anyone else.

To the OP: Involve management on this one. She sounds like a recipe for disaster. Document your concerns about her and it might be a good idea to involve the other staff members who are finding her difficult.

Specializes in Med/Surg; aged care; OH&S.

Based on her recent behaviour you've witnessed, like wearing slippers to work, stained clothing and being unwell - I feel you need to discuss this with your manager. She is a risk at work in terms of having a pre-existing illness which her workplace could exacerbate.

In terms of her behaviour towards you; I've been there. I worked with an older nurse (I'm in my 30s so not exactly a kid!) who bordered on hostile in her behaviour towards me, she was both overtly and passively aggressive most of the time, condescending and openly belittling of me.

About a year and a half or so after I started working with her, she retired and on her last week she randomly decided to ask me if I had a problem with her. Well, I had so much pent up resentment and dislike towards her, I said loudly, "well frankly you're rude, hostile and you talk down to me constantly. Some people might say that was bullying behaviour really". She looked at me and said "well that's interesting isn't it, I don't agree with that at all Emma".

We then worked together on the shift quite peacefully (for a change) and she left 2 days later. I always ask myself, why the @*$* didn't she say this to me sooner or why didn't I have a go at her sooner?

The thing about bullies is you need to stand up to them. The difficulty with the co-worker you're describing however is that she appears to have a medical condition which is affecting her behaviour so I think a serious chat with your manager might be in order in this instance.

I do sympathise. There is usually one person in every workplace who drives me nuts, it seems to be Murphy's Law or something. Mind you, I probably drive people nuts as well! :rolleyes:

Specializes in ER.

I agree that she sounds mentally unstable. I'd go for emmalou's method except for the signs of instability- you don't know if that is going to backfire on you.

Your manager will have more information on how she's responded to people in the past. Just sit down with the NM and ask for her input on how to handle the issues you've described, and take it from there. If your NM is unhelpful I would go on being as nice and pleasant and helpful as you possibly can, but CYA with charting and good communication with your coworkers and your manager. If you have time I'd also have a written report sheet ready for her, and photocopy one for yourself. Having it all in writing will prove you communicated information to her, and will get you out on time. Just say you have an appointment, or kids to get off to school or something, and hand her the sheet. If she wants a verbal report she'll have to pay attention when you are ready to give it.

Specializes in Pediatrics, ER.

The thing is, everyone seems acutely aware of this coworker. The running "joke" is, "that's just XYZ being XYZ." Everyone exchanges knowing glances when it comes to her bullying or condescending staff members. I don't want to say that she's a joke, but people tend to just look the other way or turn a cheek to her rudeness because that's just who she is and she's not going to change now.

Specializes in ICU.
Get your manager's permission to tape report, not ahead of time but the actual report. Tell her "We're addressing your concern that things aren't getting passed on. This way you can review my report as needed". Either it will make her straigten up as she won't want this behavior on tape, or if she's really off base she won't know what's going on. Do it several nights in a row, especially if she gets her act together the first time. It likely won't last, and you'll get the behavior on tape.

It will let your manager hear just what is going on, and have something concrete to address.

I totally agree with this. After you discuss this with your manager, get permission to tape the report WHILE you're giving it to her. The excuse could be so that she could go back in case she feels like she missed something. You could also have it written out and give her a copy. Do this not just one time, but do it EVERY TIME, until it has been done enough that your manager can listen and see what is truly going on.

It sounds like there is something wrong with her,, not just her being a hard head.

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

She sounds like she has pretty severe psyche problems herself. You should carefully document the details of these. Your description in your opening post is very vivid so I think you can do a good job at putting down a fairly objective account of this woman's behavior that would be convincing.

Specializes in Pediatrics, ER.

RE: taping. We aren't allowed to tape because it's a pedi psych unit. It has to be live RN to RN.

Specializes in ICU.

awww man.. well,, try to talk to your manager and see if there is some way they can see for themselves what is going on.

I'd like to ask another question......why is there a "counselor" in the room who is responding to her questions about her television problems during your report?

The person who is doing that should know better.

Seems like you might need to have a talk with the other people who will be attending report.

she definitely sounds mentally fragile, and it warrants intervention.

when you mentioned too much blush,slippers, and stained clothing, i got these visuals of some female pts on my psych rotation in school.

that said, i would suggest having a um, cn or even nm, take report for you 1 day.

seeing is believing.

if that's not doable, write it up, including all applicable detail.

she needs help.

until then, i agree with written report.

leslie

Specializes in MS, Hospice, LTC.
The thing is, everyone seems acutely aware of this coworker. The running "joke" is, "that's just XYZ being XYZ." Everyone exchanges knowing glances when it comes to her bullying or condescending staff members. I don't want to say that she's a joke, but people tend to just look the other way or turn a cheek to her rudeness because that's just who she is and she's not going to change now.

It is so unfortunate when coworkers do this. It makes you feel as if you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. We can't just excuse this crazy behavior as "that's just XYZ being XYZ." I worked in a hospital where there was more than nurse who sounded very much the OP's tormentor. Some people complained, and some made excuses. One day, one of those nurses committed suicide. Of course we were all shocked! Her family later wrote a letter saying that she's been depressed for years and recently became non-compliant with her treatment, and that her depression was so severe that she distanced herself even from them. After that, mgmt did speak to the other nurse and she ended up talking to someone and getting help. After a while, she became a little easier to work with. I'm not saying this to scare anyone, and I know your not responsible for her, but I'd make sure that mgmt is aware just so that you know that you've done your part. I am no longer working at that hospital, but reading the OP's post and concerns made me think about those two nurses. Good luck in dealing with this difficult coworker, I know it isn't easy.

Specializes in ICU, nutrition.
RE: taping. We aren't allowed to tape because it's a pedi psych unit. It has to be live RN to RN.

Can you do a written report? Where I used to work we used an SBAR form, with permanent info (Name, age/DOB, Dr., dx, etc.) written in ink and then areas for report that were written in pencil (neuro/cardiac/respiratory/vitals/GI/GU/IVs, etc.)

Would something similar work for your area? If it's written down, you know the person you're giving report to got it. I loved it because I could look over it quickly before report and pencil in changes, and if I forgot to write something on my report sheet it was written down on the SBAR form.

You are charged with giving her report. It is not your responsibility to make sure she listens, catches it all, figures out what's important or does what she's supposed to do. You give the information. It's her call what she does with it.

It's just plain rude for her to be late to report or interrupt it to socialize. Maybe you should just keep talking, louder if necessary, and follow her if she gets up. She should be ready to start at shift change time and get it done! If she has work to finish she should do it afterward. If she wants to talk to someone she should do it afterward. Are you logging OT because this ***** won't get her act together? I'd bring it to the boss's attention. And I'd make sure I had somewhere to be EVERY SINGLE TIME I got off work that I CANNOT BE LATE. I'd bring that to the boss's attention as well.

Your co-worker sounds either passive-aggressive, burned out, crazy, impaired or some or all of the above. I've worked with people like that over the years, some of them got better, some didn't. I never got management involved but in retrospect I probably should have, at least with a couple.

Good luck to you.

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