Just to express the unexpressed

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Nov 14, 2014

I am schizotypal so making close connections is incredibly difficult if not impossible for me.

Hey, there. Here's a hug from me to you. (((((hugs)))))

Although I am not officially personality-disordered, I can definitely empathize with you because I have some schizoid traits such as a restricted affect, monotone speech patterns, emotional detachment, and a general dislike of schmoozing and mingling with new people. I accept just enough social invitations to bridal showers, lunches and dive bars to avoid whispers from inquiring minds, but in reality, socializing is mentally draining for me. I am a hardcore introvert.

Since I am a social phony, I get along with patients, families and colleagues by smiling, conjuring up articulate conversation, presenting myself as engaging, formulating fake connections, and basically telling people what they want to hear. As bad as this may sound, my trumped-up communication skills have resulted in a promotion and unearned loyalty from some of my coworkers.

If you have not already done so, please see a PCP, psychiatrist or counselor. It seems as if you deeply crave close human interconnectedness, and perhaps some therapy can help you develop the coping skills and techniques to help you build the type of life you want. When you are living a life that you like, people will want to connect with you to enter your world. Good luck to you!

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Nov 14, 2014

And nothing says you cannot move to be close to your family. You may not get the ideal job, but I am sure you can find one eventually if you work at it.

NurseMellie · Nov 14, 2014

WOW 2 hours to drive to work?!?! That is simply too long.... It sounds like you work in another state, is that so? If it is, you may want to look into transferring your license to your state some are transferable. There may be conditions, so check with the department of health for the state you may transfer to. Or you may want to move closer to work, or even find a job that is closer to you. It may not want to be your ideal job but its a job and you may find you love it.

iPink, BSN, RN · Nov 14, 2014

I agree, you want to seek professional help. Since you are a new grad, you can stay for a year at your current hospital for the experience then start looking to move closer to home. But seek counseling to help make that year less miserable.

Sent via iPink's phone using allnurses

firstinfamily, RN · Nov 14, 2014

I agree with the above posts. You need experience to move on, so try to stay at least a year at your current position. During this year you can look into what is necessary to obtain another license in your home state. There are many compact states now so you may not have to re-take boards etc. Check out the web page for the state Board of Nursing in the state you desire to work/live in. To take care of your mounting debt look at your finances, are you bringing in enough to pay off some of the higher balances? If not then make the minimal payments and when you get one paid off then work on another. You absolutely cannot be late with any student loan payments---these have to be paid on time no matter what. They cannot be claimed in bankruptcy. Is there anyway you can cut your expenses? Usually that is done by spending less or earning more. If you are working 12 hour shifts can you pick up a PRN position at another facility to earn extra dollars?? Is there any way you can car-pool with someone to cut down on travel expenses for work? Look at your spending habits. Are you an impulsive buyer??? That can be a real problem for someone trying to deal with emotional issues and not be able to afford exta expenditures. Get a hold on your lifestyle, are you living beyond your means?? Hey, I would bet to say most of us have had to deal with some level of being poor in our lives, and I am sure you can come out of this. As far as the schizo issues, you should seek some form of counseling. Most employers offer a limited counseling program with their health insurance plans. It could be you are just anti-social and that is OK, but you should seek counseling to see if that can be improved. You must remember when we are caring for others we are the ones usually seen in an authorative position when we are dealing with everyday people on the street, in social circles, they are not patients and may not see us in such an elevated position, therefore perhaps you feel you need to prove yourself to them etc. Those are personality issues that only you can deal with and face. You must realize it is your interpretation, not theirs that makes you feel inadequate. Where to begin??? It took a while for all this to reach this level, so it is not going to be fixed in a fast and easy manner. Try a step at a time and I am sure you will over come this!!!! Good Luck, stay strong, put on your brave face!!! Living away from family during the holidays really can suck, so see if there are some other co-workers who are also away from their families and perhaps all of you can plan some sort of gathering to celebrate and ease the seasonal lonliness. If you know you are entering a depressed time of year for you, it may be counseling will help this also. This is typical for those who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder.

imintrouble, BSN, RN · Nov 14, 2014

If given a choice between a job I love, and my family, there is no contest.

I cannot imagine a life without that support, and unconditional acceptance.

Find a job close to your family. You work 36 hrs a week. The rest of the time shouldn't be spent being miserable.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Nov 15, 2014

If given a choice between a job I love, and my family, there is no contest.
I cannot imagine a life without that support, and unconditional acceptance.
Find a job close to your family. You work 36 hrs a week. The rest of the time shouldn't be spent being miserable.

According to posting history, OP is working in Florida while the rest of her family is in NYC. The NYC employment market is horrid for new grads; therefore, finding a job close to family might take longer than usual.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Nov 15, 2014

Make some sort of connection with a counselor, so that you are able to have some sounding board and coping skills.

Are there any rentals closer to your job? Grab a local paper and see--it would make a world of difference, I am sure.

Connecting with people is difficult for any number of people. If you do one thing for yourself, and you are looking in the local paper for a closer rental, see if there is anything you are interested in as far as groups, classes, programs, volunteering, that type of thing.

If you are able to save on some gas money, this could be an alternate choice.

Finally, budget well. If you have to refinance your student loan, do it. If you have to make a strict budget to stick to, do it.

If you have to pay down a couple cards and use just one of them, do it.

Finally, if all else fails as far as finding a rental closer to work, is there some sort of boutique, thrift store, consignment shop, farmers market--that you could work at on your weekend off for each afternoon of the weekend in your own town you are now? It would get you out of the house, be fun if you are into whatever it is that they have, and the ability to converse with people.

Even better, and I have told this story before, but my Auntie works at a large national department store every other Sat/Sun from 1-5. Not only is it a great way to get out of the house and make a tiny bit of extra money, but they have tuition reimbursement for their employees. So your thoughts on going back to school may become more of a reality by doing something like that.

A little re-assessment and adjusting may put things into focus. Remember that any mental illness can and does become more prominent to people when they are stressed more than usual. So do establish yourself with a counselor to talk through these issues.

Best wishes, and let us know how it goes!!