Is OB for me? Is nursing for me? Shy nurse needs help.

Laurlaur · Mar 28, 2005

Please say something to the senior staff there, get out of this job or get a new preceptor quick! I am now a qualified nurse, but when I was a student in the NICU, I had a mentor that sounds EXACTLY the same as your preceptor. I had never looked after tiny babies before, nor even changed a nappy on a child so small, I was scared stiff! She near to the point bullied me, was RUDE in front of the parents and other staff, talked about my mistakes to other staff, made me feel so small. I wanted to leave there and then even though I was 3/4 of the way through my training. She sucked up to the head nurse who thought she was wonderful. Like you, I didnt say anything as I am naturally quiet and don't like to cause a fuss, but other staff noticed how rude she was to me. I hate to think how many others she has done this to, it has put me off working in the NICU forever as I just don't have the confidence (this woman kicked it out of me)..however somehow I managed to get a new mentor who was kind, patient, talked me through everything one step at a time and helped me through my time there. Please please find a new preceptor, or even just another member of staff that you trust who you can talk things through with, you don't have to put up with these people, find someone who can support you and help you turn into the great nurse you know you can be.

kcrnsue · Mar 28, 2005

((((((((((((((((((((soul)))))))))))))))))))))

Big hugs to you.

Been there, done that. I too am quiet by nature. I had someone training me who had been at that hospital for about 23 years. If things weren't done her way, they were wrong. Different nurses have different styles. You need to be able to learn in a supportive environment. Not one where you are nervous and jumpy because of your preceptor. Don't be so hard on yourself. You will get it! Hang in there. Oh, by the way, I left that job and became a travel OB nurse. The hospitals where I worked thought I was wonderful, and it was a great boost for my morale!

Super_RN, BSN, RN · Mar 28, 2005

~Soul~

I am also normally quiet, but I will and DO stand up for myself when the need be. You picked nursing for a reason, don't let some grouchy old nurse that hates herself push you away from it! The only way to get rid of the problem is to confront it. Since you have had other offers, take them up on it! I switched preceptors 3 times during my training before I got one that would really work with me and I learned so much. Your preceptor should NEVER talk down to you, especially in front of other staff and patients. It just shows how little she thinks of herself, and don't worry, other people see that as well. Just simply ask her what her problem is with you! You are there to learn, no to be belittled. Don't feel that you need to know everything, no one ever knows everything! I learn new things everyday. It is okay to question your judgement at times, just learn from it so you know next time. My advice---get another preceptor!!!!!!!!!

BETSRN · Mar 28, 2005

I have a serious dilema, I am a new graduate and I am stuck between having some serious doubts about my abilities and having a terrible preceptor. It has now been 4 months since I have been with a preceptor, and i feel that my progress is moving along extremely slowly. Now don' get me wrong, my preceptor is an excellent nurse, she has years upon years of experience, it's her attitude that sticks. She is mean, rude and treats me like a child. She yells and she talks about me behind my back (according to other nurses). She thrives on intimidating me and I think that is the only reason i'm still there, She enjoys her power over me. It is so bad, even patients will say to me, why is she so mean to you, why does she act like that. It has gotten to a point where other nurses are asking my nurse manager that I be switched to another preceptor. Offcourse nothing has been done because after 4 months I have said nothing.
There are a number of reasons i've endured her behavior. My lack of confidence, my inability to stand up for myself. I do have to take responsibility for the fact that I do make a lot of mistakes, I get flustered easily, and am sometimes forgetfull.
Now I'm starting to wonder if my slow progress is due to the fact that she makes me feel so nervous that I can't think. She is like a drill seargent, during deliveries and in the OR, she'll yell, she tell me to do one thing, then before i can even do that she'll tell me to do something else. its riduculous. I get so anxious before work, sometimes i'll cry the night before.
I feel worried because I still have a long way to go when it comes to developing my critical thinking skills. I'm not sure if I can blame my lack of development on my preceptor or if I'm just not cut out for nursing period, other nurses have said to me that i need to ask for a new preceptor and have even offered to work with me. But I am unsure of how to approach this, I feel too shy to say enough is enough.
I wonder if my inability to say something is proof that nursing may not be for me, Is there such a thing as a shy nurse?
Please help, i don't know what to do.

You need to speak with your Nurse Manager TODAY! NO one deserves to be treated as you are being treated. This "preceptor" should NOT be orienting new grads(or new nurses).

The ability to speak up will be necessary in giving your patients good care. As a nurse, you are a patient advocate. You also, however, have to be able to advocate for yourself, and you obviously are not doing that. Advocacy is a skill.

Please go see your manager and see what can be done. The other nurses have already set the stage for you.........take advantage of this. Good Good luck!!

Soleilpie · Mar 28, 2005

Soul, I think you're in an ideal situation in that you have other nurses who are advocating for you by talking to your nurse manager to get you switched to another preceptor and even offering to precept you. There is such a nursing shortage that most places want to retain the nurses they have. With that said, they're probably going to want to accomodate you to avoid losing you. Asking for another preceptor because your current one unable to instruct you professionally is not a lot to ask for. Your current preceptor is creating a hostile envirnonment and is preventing you from learing to your fullest capability. Don't be afraid of her. She obviously dislikes herself and belittles you to bring herself up a notch. She is a loser of the biggest kind. You are so much better than she is. Please stand up for yourself. What do you have to lose? If you don't stand up for yourself, the nursing field may lose a good nurse. Remember you've got other nurses backing you. :) Keep us updated. We all care about you.

jennobrn01 · Mar 29, 2005

Talk to a superior quickly! Document what she has said and done and have specific dates. Tell your nurse manager what your pt's have said.

Just please talk to someone.

I had bad experiences my first year out, and my career suffered because I did not speak up.

Soul · Mar 30, 2005

Thanks for all your input, I really appreciate it. Though I do still feel nervous about speaking up, i think I have more strenth to do so after hearing from people who are quiet like I am and have been through similar situations. I realize I wouldn't be fair to myself If I make a judgement call on my career based on my orientation with this woman. I will keep you posted on what happens, thanks again for your input.

directcare4me · Mar 30, 2005

Soul,

I can really relate to your situation. It's been a long time now since I was a new grad, but I was an extremely shy person, all through high school, college, and then work. (I would even say that I was timid) I'm not now, at all, but it took me a while to learn how to stand up for myself comfortably. As you become more confident in your work, more confident and happy with yourself both in your work and in your life away from work, the shyness should ease up; best wishes to you.

jleski · Mar 31, 2005

Soul,

You have gotten a lot of GREAT advice. . .do go and apply it. Your sensitive nature probably irritates the crap out of your preceptor, and I agree with BETSRN, she shouldn't be in the position of preceptor with her attitude. It's hard enough being a new grad., going through orientation, changing your whole thought life, patterns, etc., without the hinderance of a fellow nurse who obviously doesn't need to be a nurse. I feel for you. I have very low self-confidence myself, but that doesn't mean I'm not a good nurse, it only means that I've been a prisoner of my past (which I work on daily to change). You wouldn't have made it through nursing school, or the NCLEX if you weren't capable. You wouldn't even have the other nurses you work with, talking to you and supporting you if you didn't have something going for you.

I just bet that you are the type of person that reaches out and gives your clients a hug at night, or one who doesn't forget that one of your clients likes "real" cream with her coffee and you go and get it yourself? Or when working in OB, I bet you feel that awe, every time a baby is in your arms? Don't tell me you're not meant to be a nurse. I'm not guessing that you do these things and more. True nurses do great things from their hearts, just as rude nurses do things from theirs. You're not going to change that other nurse, however, your nurse manager or whoever is above you all, can do something to help her attitude a bit. She/he can also do something to help you through a very difficult transition, without the pain in the _ _ _ you have had to deal with. You go girl!

Soul · Apr 17, 2005

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I want thank all of you again for your input. I did speak with my manager and I have been working with someone new for the last two weeks, its been a lot better. She's much calmer, and allows me more freedom to do my thing. I feel a little more confident and am more comfortable asking questions. They've told me that I will be on my own in another two weeks, I'm really nervous about that I don't know if i'll be ready, but i've heard you really never feel ready, you just have to jump in with both feet, so i'll see how that works. I am trying to use the rest of my time to improve my weak areas. though I still feel shy in some situations and I don't know if that will ever change. But it helps knowing that other nurses have been in my shoes and ended up being o.k.

nursehottie · Apr 27, 2005

I am shy as well. Zoloft has really helped me though lol. Sometimes, I just don't click with certain nurses or instructors. I would find a different nurse, especially if other nurses have suggested this. I have nothing against strict instructors/nurses, but there's a line that is drawn, you can be tough..but still be someone students can talk to. I'd switch.