Is it ME?? Conflict in the workplace....help!

[Worthy]

I have been working my way through nursing school for what seems like forever, attending school part-time. I will be heading into my last year this September (four year degree here in Canada) and have decided to go full-time and get it over with!

The past year and a half, I have held down two part-time jobs as well, so that I can afford to go to school. It's HARD, and I'm exhausted and haven't seen a holiday in months, but I'm determined to do it. Both jobs are in Long Term Care, as an aide ("PSW" - Personal Support Worker - here in Ontario).

The first job, my morning job, I am the "bath person". It's an unenviable job of getting six people up for breakfast (three are total care, one is a hoyer lift), helping with breakfast, and then bathing four people before lunch. I do end up toileting my residents after breakfast too, which isn't in my job description (per the Director of Care) but if I don't, they sit there and the other PSW's complain that I "don't look after my residents". I love my residents, have gotten to know them well.

I work with two other PSW's on the floor, and one charge nurse. One PSW I get along with very well. The RN and I get along. The other PSW is very bossy and condescending, which I don't like too much, but it has never come to blows or anything. I am a professional. I do my job.

It all went out the window however two months ago when the PSW I liked took a leave of absence for health reasons, and left me with the bossy PSW and her replacement - a PSW of the same ethnic background as the bossy one, and me out in the cold. The new PSW has been slowly making my life a living hell. She does not speak to me. If we pass in the hall, she does not make eye contact. She criticizes everything I do to the RN (she will never, ever speak to me directly). She and the other PSW laugh and joke in the Dining room, ignoring me.

This I can take. I'm a big girl! I did speak to the Director of Care, who I get along with, who took them aside and spoke to them about "teamwork". Long story short, we have had several meetings with the DOC (including the other girl who replaces me on my day off - she has had trouble with them as well) but nothing ever gets resolved. The RN is a tiny little girl who does not want to get involved, and although up until now has backed my decisions, she never stands up for me really. So I have had to go over her head - several times. Once, I was in a room only to hear the new PSW's voice booming from across the hall "....I don't know what her problem is. She is trying to get me fired. I don't like her, you know...." I went to see where she was, and she was in a resident's room, complaining about me, to the RESIDENT!!! I was appalled and confronted her and demanded that she come out into the hall - that this was unprofessional to discuss in front of a resident. She grudgingly came out. I sincerely regret now not reporting her right that minute, but at that point I was still trying to salvage the work relationship.

Things in the past month have gone from bad to worse. I will be leaving in the middle of August - I have 18 more shifts at this place, to be precise. I am COUNTING the hours. I've made a genuine effort to keep the peace until then, but yesterday...sigh...it all blew up again.

I got my people up. One of my residents is VERY VERY resistive in the shower, and I find that leaving him in bed until after breakfast, using the lift to get him in the shower chair, bathing him, then giving him breakfast makes him much less combative than if I try to shove him in the shower after breakfast. I've done this method for over a year. However, it takes me 45 minutes from beginning to end, is exhausting, and at this time of the year - hot. So it was then 10:15. I then had two more showers to complete, both independent people who can weight bear. Piece of cake. I decided to take my break (breaks are random - no schedule to them - which of course leads to "no break" at all many times). So I went out onto the patio - where we are allowed - and sat down. I was sitting there chatting with a girl from another floor when the RN came charging out the door, saying that "M" was waiting for me (aren't they all?) and that she needed to go to the toilet (keep in mind - there was another PSW on at the time I went on my break). I said yes, I know she hasn't had her shower, and that I would be there after my break. She shut the door and the girl I was sitting with just looked shocked - "You can't even take your break??".

Five minutes later I cut my break ten minutes short to go look after "M". RN was down at the end of the hall bellowing at me as I gathered the towels "She has to go to the bathroom, are you COMING????" I walked down the hall and met them halfway. "M" was DRENCHED - no one had toileted her after breakfast. Now, since I was in the shower with the resistive guy, how could I have done this? Apparently, it WAS my fault, because as the RN took off she kept muttering "she's been waiting, where were you, and you still have two more showers to give. *** is waiting, and *** And Dawn is angry because there will be more laundry for her..".

I was angry. I admit it. I'm tired of being persecuted by the people I work with and I'm tired of being blamed for everything. I had my yearly performance review two weeks ago, and I had nearly a perfect review...the DOC loves me. If I'm such a great employee, why am I targeted by these people ALL THE TIME???

I made sure the resident was safely sitting on the toilet, Stripped off her wet clothes, and then headed out to the nurse's station. Ms. Nasty PSW was standing there with the RN and the laundry cart. I went up to the RN and said "Exactly what is the problem?" She turned to me and said "You. You are the problem." I asked what she meant by that. "You...you are not a team player. D has to dump the laundry now, and there will be more for her, and now who will do it?" And of course bitchy PSW was standing there, lapping up the RN giving me hell.

So this all happened because D will have more laundry to dump????

I went directly to the DOC, and rationally told her that I was tired of this, that I didn't need this job, nor this stress. I have another job that I could pick up extra shifts at if I absolutely had to (though it would cost me money - I usually work 4 mornings a week at this hellhole, but wouldn't be able to pick up 4 shifts there...so I would lose out). But I made it clear that I had had it. She called the RN and had her come down. It was all hashed out...again. I mentioned my other job, where I get along with everyone very well!

When she heard about the concern about the laundry, she said "that's a non-issue. We are LTC. There will always be laundry" and basically she agreed with me that it didn't matter a hill of beans WHEN I did my baths between breakfast and lunch, but as long as they were done. And she ended it by saying "I'm going to try to switch you to another floor. Obviously this is a compatibility issue".

So, I guess I'm vindicated that the DOC agreed with me, but I feel awful. The RN, who previously was on my side, in order to keep the peace with the other two PSW's, has obviously decided that since I'm leaving, she has to keep them happy.

I was almost in tears by the time I got to my other job last night - only to gush the whole story to my RN there, who assured me that I am NOT the problem - she thinks I take direction well, work hard, and that I get along well with everybody there.

So...is it me????

Now I'm dreading the next 18 shifts on this floor, if the DOC can't switch me. And if the DOC CAN switch me, I'm dreading learning new residents routines all over again, for a measly 18 days. Plus, I'll really miss my residents. I didn't want to leave like this. I mean, I wasn't expecting a party (HA!) but I wanted to say goodbye to my residents and their families. They all know when my last day is (or was).

I keep thinking...maybe it is me.. maybe I'm hard to get along with. Personally, I think I just don't take any crap, and they didn't like that. I dunno. My husband believes that I am standing my ground, and they hate that. He thinks that if push comes to shove, I should just walk out. He says we don't need the money that badly..ha...and that I could always tack the lost $1500 on to my student loan and enjoy my summer.

Have I gone into the wrong profession?????

[Luv2BAnurse]

Based on what you have written, your actions were reasonable. You took appropriate measures in the workplace to try to get to the root of the problem and not ignore it, and to attempt to not be confrontational in front of the residents. Sometimes in the workplace no matter what you do there will be conflict. Just remain professional, and as always, learn from the experience. Good Luck.

[MarySunshine]

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience Worthy. This does happen a lot in hospitals and LTC facilities. It's because the work is arduous and enormous and everyone starts blaming each other. Well, of course, there are just difficult people in the world...that happens, too. I was an aide for a while, and I was never treated badly by other aides, but damned if the nurses didn't think I could handle 15 patients at once, by myself.

You see a contrast in your two jobs. Some work environments are toxic and some are positive. Sometimes you'll click, and sometimes you won't. To answer your question, I think your experience is a common one, but not an inevitable one! I think you'll make a very good nurse. When it comes down to it, the patients are the most important part of your job and it sounds like you are great w/ them. Best of luck to you!

[ZASHAGALKA, RN]

well, maybe it's partly you, but let me explain:

First, understand that some of the animosity might be stemming from some jealousy that you are going to nursing school. These other PSWs know that in a yr, you will be an RN and have all the perks/pay (and responsibility) that go with it.

Second, you said that the PSWs always go to the RN to complain about you but never speak directly to you. The chain of command isn't being properly used. A good manager/supervisor, if presented with complaint, should always first ask what steps were taken to deal with it at the lower level. If somebody comes to me with a complaint about somebody, my first question is always "What did you say to them about it?" If the answer is - nothing - then I always send them back to address it personally, if possible. (Let me add, there are some circumstances, say sexual harassment, where this is not possible, but it should be the rule).

Now why did I say that you are partially at fault? While complaining about these PSWs going 'over your head' to the RN, you state that you routinely do the same thing with the DON and the DOC. It's not any more appropriate for you. Especially with the DOC thing - if you look at it rationally, you were just looking for vindication at their expense - and you got it, which reinforces the behavior.

My advice - your time is limited and everybody knows it. I'd approach them and say "My time here is limited, I know we don't get along, but I think everybody would be better off if we tried to be civil towards each other in the meantime. I apologize if I've offended you in anyway. No matter what happens in the next few weeks, I'm going to choose to smile at you and try to be civil towards. I'm not asking for a fresh start, just a truce". Don't use the phrase 'let's be professional' as that implies that, up to this point, they haven't, and while that may be true, it is a challenge not a conciliation.

And then smile and be civil. No matter what happens. This frustration in your life is about to end. It doesn't matter who wins turf wars in the next few weeks - what matters is what you think about yourself and how you deal with this situation. Choose to deal with it in a way that makes you proud of yourself.

~faith,

Timothy.

[z's playa]

Don't let those two hens get to you . I know its easier said than done but hang in there.

The light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer !

I can't help but think about what it would be like if you ever had to work with these two again, only when you get your license. :chuckle

Z

[Worthy]

"I can't help but think about what it would be like if you ever had to work with these two again, only when you get your license. "

Oh, don't think THAT hasn't crossed my mind

Thanks guys! I'm feeling a bit better, even if I DO have to go in again on Tuesday - not so far away

Timothy; very well said. You made some points that I hadn't considered before, including the "going over RN's head" one...you are correct, and I never viewed it that way before.

Two months ago I did exactly that, approached the PSW and said "look, I am only here until August, let's bury the hatchet and try to get along and do our work and look after our residents". Actually, we've done that several times, but it only lasts a short period.

Maybe it is me. Maybe they are jealous, intimidated, whatever by my finishing school. I am very, very careful never ever to even mention school there, because I am afraid they will think I'm a "know-it-all" and overstepping my bounds.

I am just going to try to smile and bear it :)

[Judee Smudee, ADN, RN]

I agree with the people that think your approaching graduation is fueling this situation. This person knows that you got the inside info on there behavior. They want to drive you away, out of this organization before you come back as their boss.

[GrnHonu99, RN]

"I can't help but think about what it would be like if you ever had to work with these two again, only when you get your license. "

Oh, don't think THAT hasn't crossed my mind

Thanks guys! I'm feeling a bit better, even if I DO have to go in again on Tuesday - not so far away

Timothy; very well said. You made some points that I hadn't considered before, including the "going over RN's head" one...you are correct, and I never viewed it that way before.

Two months ago I did exactly that, approached the PSW and said "look, I am only here until August, let's bury the hatchet and try to get along and do our work and look after our residents". Actually, we've done that several times, but it only lasts a short period.

Maybe it is me. Maybe they are jealous, intimidated, whatever by my finishing school. I am very, very careful never ever to even mention school there, because I am afraid they will think I'm a "know-it-all" and overstepping my bounds.

I am just going to try to smile and bear it :)

(((HUGS)))

don't worry after its over and you are gone you will barely remember this horrible experience or atleast you wont think about it that much, but guarenteed that those two PSW's will still be working there terrorizing someone else. Rise above their unprofessionalism and just remember you have more class in your pinky finger than they both have in their whole body. It takes courage and class to stand up for what you believe in and not let others intimidate you. Good Luck, you'll be a great nurse:)