I'm trying so hard I'm failing. When do I give up?

[Imgettingthere]

I am a new grad. Been on the job 4 months. Hired out of school into ICU. I knew it was going to be tough, but given my drive, personality, and ability to tackle just about anything, I was willing to go for it. I am not sure what happened first, but I am realizing now that I perhaps never had a chance.

My evals continue to point to what I don't know/don't do with little notice of what I do well and how far I have come. My attempts to be part of the team (thank you! good morning! How is your daughter doing? You did a great job in there!) are either ignored or interpreted as non-productive. I can go on and on, but bottom line, the harder I try to meet the expectations, the more I feel like I am sliding.

It came to a head on my last night shift when I felt confident, took control, gained efficiency, and felt positive and contributory. Then I got feedback at the end of my shift that I wasn't. I was stunned. If I am so far out of touch that I think I am doing well, and I'm not, it's time to look into options.

Should I expect this? Should I stick it out? I feel like the glass is half empty and at this point all of the energy of my co workers is to "prove" that I won't cut it. This is devastating to me. I am one of the most hard working, dedicated, compassionate people out there. I truly don't know where I fell off of the boat.

Is it going to look horrible on my resume that I was in a unit for 4 months and moved out?

Is it unreasonable to expect that as a nurse it would be nice to have people say "hi" to you or ask how your day is going? When I ask questions, should I be surprised that it is perceived as ignorance rather than wanting to insure I am "doing it right"? Am I incapable if I am shown a complicated, multi-step procedure, and can't do it perfectly by myself without asking questions the next time?

Is part of being a nurse feeling like a drain because you are new? I am ready to bail. Help.

[ChristineN, BSN, RN]

Maybe you are doing a decent job, getting the hang of it, etc, but maybe you just don't fit in with this ICU click. Some floors can be very clicky, and my floor definitely has a click, that I am not in. I just go in do my job, and try to not worry about making friends. :heartbeat

[FA to CRNA2b]

This ICU is doing a poor job of mentoring you. Either you get more encouragement or some constructive criticism. You need something to work with and should not be left wondering. Speak to the DON and start looking at possible options.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

DON'T GIVE UP on yourself.

ICU nurses can be a peculiar 'breed'. The environment can be very competitive with evreryone trying to show how much better they are than everyone else. It takes a strong and capable manager to deal with typical ICU nurses and maintain a supportive atmosphere for newcomers.

What you have described is a pretty toxic environment and I agree that you need to take action. I would suggest - if you haven't already done so - make an appointment to talk with the department manager first to request a transfer. If this is a no-go, then get yourself to the HR department to talk with an employee relations person. They can be called by many different job titles, but there is always someone who is responsible for helping employees figure out what to do in these types of situations. Try to be very factual - relating specific experiences you have had and how you feel about them.

In my experience, 'bad units' are not a secret. Everyone in the organization knows that they are bad - they have high turnover, poor morale & generally low patient satisfaction as well. Everyone also knows which units are the best. Your employee relations person can help you find a better 'home' in another department. After all, the organization has already invested in you and they don't want to lose that investment. You need to be in an area that will provide the support and welcoming atmosphere you need to develop your confidence and abilities. Unfortunately, you may end up having to take a different shift, because those good units don't have much turnover or many openings.

Good luck! Keep us posted on your progress.

[MADHAT6]

Leaving a position that is not good for you is a sign of health,too many nurses feel like they are responsible for thwe whole environment,or should be able to fix things,move on there is a good unit out there that is waiting for you !!!

[Imgettingthere]

Thank you for your supportive, thorough response. I requested a meeting with my DON. I guess what it boils down to is that I need to decide if I will be able to succeed in this unit. To help me make that decision, I really need to ask the same question of my DON. Even if she says yes, I still have to decide if I really want to work in a unit that is like this. I just fear that I have been in the dark all of this time and this is just the way nursing is. This is tragic to me. Again, thank you!

[Imgettingthere]

Thank you....I agree!!!

[pinkestar]

I just fear that I have been in the dark all of this time and this is just the way nursing is. This is tragic to me. Again, thank you!

I can assure you that not all nursing is this way. I graduated in May and have been working on a unit for almost 7 months now. I was terrified when I started and was about 90% sure I was never going to be able to make it. I have been given more support than I ever imagined and I could not be happier. For the most part my coworkers are amazing--they all go out of their way every shift to make sure that I am doing okay and am not too overwhelmed. I received encouragement all through my orientation and beyond. I am never afraid to ask questions and I'm never made to feel bad for wanting to double-check anything. My manager gives us new grads feedback on an almost daily basis and always lets us know that we can come to her for anything--even calling her at home to ask simple questions if need be. The few times I've had trouble with coworkers I have been able to discuss it with her and it was handled very professionally. PLEASE do not give up based on your experience in this particular icu unit. Not all units are as wonderful as mine but they are out there. Not all nurses are out to "eat their young" as I so commonly hear. Obviously, some are....but there is somewhere out there for you. Don't be afraid to look for it! Sounds like you're very determined, caring, and hard-working...find a work environment that will appreciate that!!

[Imgettingthere]

I can't thank you enough for your words of encouragement. I know this will work out, and I have already made the decision to tell my DON that I need to transfer to a unit that allows me to get a stronger foundation. This is very difficult for me but I have to do it.

[pinkestar]

Congrats on making the decision that is best for you. It's never easy to initiate change like that but you should not settle for a work environment that is unsupportive. Good luck. I hope things go well when you talk to your don.

Nicole

[Sterren, BSN, RN]

Oh, man, have I ever been in your shoes. I think that transferring to another unit is the very best thing you could do. I started out exactly like you did - in ICU. I tried so hard, but I just felt so overwhelmed and frankly unwelcome much of the time and never received any positive feedback at all - until the day I told my boss I was transferring, at which time everyone gushed about how great I was and how much they would miss me and how sad they were that I was leaving. Too little, way too late. My new unit is fantastic, welcoming, exciting, fun, and I feel competent and capable here. I love it now, and wish I'd transferred sooner or never done the ICU at all.

[Imgettingthere]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I wondered if I would hear anything positive once I advised my intent to transfer, but I agree with you, it would be too little way too late. AND it would be a very sad way to learn that I was doing well. Can I ask what unit you transferred to, and why it is different?