I'm having trouble dealing.....long, sorry

[edisongirl25]

Ok, I need help. I am an RN on a busy GI/Vasc/GYN/Oral etc surgery floor. Last week, one of my cousins (my dad's first cousin) was admitted to the ICU at the hospital across the street. He fell at home and broke his leg and when they took him to the ER, his BP was 50/30. It was discovered that he was in septic shock, liver failure (long alcohol history), renal failure, acidosis and he has pneumonia...in addition to his new tib/fib fx, which ultimately saved his life. He's been on a vent since last Saturday. Tuesday, he was coming out of renal failure b/c he'd been dehydrated and they'd given him fluids, but was now in right sided CHF. Of course with all this going on, we had family coming down to see him. Thursday, my uncle rode down to pick up another cousin that had been sitting with him during the day. On their way back to Tallahassee, their tire blew out and they flipped and both died at the scene. Now, I wasn't really close with them, they've lived pretty far away my whole life, but they are still my family. I've never seen my dad cry and I've seen him cry twice this week..once when the one was doing so bad in the hospital and then when he called me to tell me about the accident. I was supposed to work Thur night, but I got the call just before I usually get ready and couldn't think, let alone work. I tried to go in last night, but I just wasn't able to keep up. We have 6 patients on our floor, and I was falling further and further behind. I felt off and one of the clerks told me that my cheeks were bright red. I eventually made it to the breaking point and I pulled my charge nurse aside and asked her about staffing. At 11pm, we have some senior nurses who have 8 hour shifts that come in. She left and came back...and said that I could go home at 11, that someone else was going to go, but that he'd stay. I did go home, but I feel so guilty. It's not immediate family, so it doesn't qualify for the bereavement leave, and I hate calling in.....I don't know why this is bothering me so much. My uncle had 5 kids and in the last 6 years we've lost 4 of them, him, and one of his grandchildren....that's 6 in 6 years. I don't know if it's the fact that so much is happening right here before Christmas or if it's the effect it's having on the rest of my family...I just don't know....I just feel off and don't know how to fix it. I have to go back to work Monday...how can I shake this?

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

I dont think there is any way to "shake this". We cant simply will ourselves to handle bad news better. Time, it will take time.

What I can say is, there have been times I was upset, and going to work (as long as I'm not too upset) seems to help sometimes. It makes me forget about things and focus elsewhere for awhile. Then, afterwards, I am more prepared to face things. IDK, so many people talk about nurse burnout and stuff but sometimes the stress of nursing is a blessing. It makes me refocus. Sort of like, if your foot hurts you instinctively grab your ankle to ease the pain. Dont know if this helps. Hope all goes well for you.

[Cindy_A]

Don't feel guilty. You've had a lot of deaths in your family to deal with, it's always more difficult to deal with these things around the holidays. Don't be so hard on yourself. Hopefully you will feel better by Monday. Take Care!

[edisongirl25]

Thanks. I thought work would help, but last night, it wasn't enough. Maybe by Monday, I'll be ok....idk.

[Scrubby]

Nurses have lives and families outside of work and this includes the occasional family crisis.My advice is if you need to be there for your family during this difficult time then don't go in. Family come first, the unit you work on will still run, even though you are not there.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

Sometimes nurses need to take the day off, or a few days off when things like this happen. We have to be able to think on our feet, be very alert at all times. If we can't do that, we shouldn't be at work. I had to leave work today because I was really upset, it made me to where I couldn't think it was so bad. Anyway, I haven't done that in FOREVER. But as nurses we must realize when we are like this and in leaving, we are not putting the patient safety at risk. You did the right thing. Don't feel guilty or second guess yourself. Only YOU know how you feel and you really did the right thing by getting relief in there!

[edisongirl25]

Sometimes nurses need to take the day off, or a few days off when things like this happen. We have to be able to think on our feet, be very alert at all times. If we can't do that, we shouldn't be at work. I had to leave work today because I was really upset, it made me to where I couldn't think it was so bad. Anyway, I haven't done that in FOREVER. But as nurses we must realize when we are like this and in leaving, we are not putting the patient safety at risk. You did the right thing. Don't feel guilty or second guess yourself. Only YOU know how you feel and you really did the right thing by getting relief in there!

Thank you. That is how I felt. I couldn't think at all. I'd go to do things then not remember what I was doing or what I needed to do next. It was terrible and I felt so incompetent. That was the breaking point and that was when I went to the charge nurse. I wasn't any good to anyone...myself, the staff, or the patients. I just wish there was a way to fix it.

[indigo girl]

Not being able to shield your family from emotional pain has to be tremendously upsetting. You are hurting because you know that your dad is emotionally devastated by loss right now. You are being overwhelmed with strong feelings that you are not used to dealing with, and concerned for the well being of your family members.

Give yourself some time to be with family and, do try to take care of yourself as well because your immune system is likely to suffer if you don't. Realize that you too are personally under a great deal of stress from these events if only because you are witnessing your dad's distress. It is no wonder that you could not focus at work. It is far better and safer for everyone for you to not work until you have given yourself some time to process what has impacted your family. Your family is in crisis, and you are a part of that family so this is all happening to you too. It does not matter whether you were close to those family members or not because your dad was.

Please try to get some rest, and remember to take care of you.

[yalienne]

I agree you need to take time off for yourself before you can properly care for somebody else. It is the responsible thing to do. Find a way to cope with things. CRY, read a book or take a vacation somewhere to get yourself back together. But there is no quick fix. Time will heal the wound.

[lubdubRN]

Nurses take care of others, however we are infamous for feeling guilt or playing the "I'm fine" card, when it comes down to us needing to be taken care of. There's only one of you...take good care of the you that you have!! My prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.

[caliotter3]

If you are too emotionally distraught to work then you shouldn't work. You don't want to put yourself in the position of not having all your mental faculties clear and possibly making a horrible mistake and you don't want to put your patients at risk. If you have to call off, then call off and get yourself in a position where you can concentrate on your job while you are there. We are too susceptible to catastrophies on the job as it is. Don't go to work with one or two strikes against you. You could ruin your entire career and your life over stubbornly refusing to call off for one shift. It isn't worth it. And I want to offer my condolences and best wishes for you and your family in this trying time.