I'm tired.

[raiisfun]

I was on my last day of three in a row. Usually I try to split my shifts up because three twelve hour shifts are rough on my body. So I was tired, cranky, achy, and I think that probably also brought down some of my filters on what comes out of my mouth.

I was in a patient's room, and his wife asked who their doctor was going to be. I said "Dr. vaguely-ethnic-sounding-name." She said, "Aren't there any American doctors in this hospital?" I said "They're all American doctors." She said "You know what I mean" and I said "Yeah, white" in a not-so-nice tone. I SAID THOSE WORDS. I did not mean to say them out loud. I thought them in my head, but I was also hanging IV antibiotics and my attention was focused on that and so the words that I should have kept inside my head came out. I immediately realized what I said and started talking to the patient about something else. Thankfully the wife either thought that I was agreeing with her, or didn't know what to say back. I went and told my manager what I did just in case the wife complained.

I don't handle blatant racism well. I'm not from the South, but I've lived in East Texas for three years, and they've been three rough years. I had a patient who was a good-ol-boy type who told me in no uncertain terms that he didn't want a specific female doctor back in his room because she was a Muslim and was wearing a scarf on her head. He then went on this huge horrible racist rant which I will not post specifics of. It was the first time I had ever had to deal with anything like that. I mean, I know that there are people who think that way...I have the internet...but it was the first time I had ever seen such hatred in real life...and the whole time he was talking I was thinking "how am I going to tell this doctor (who is a very good doctor) that the patient doesn't want her back in his room?" In the end, I walked out of the room, saw the doctor sitting at the desk, and just started crying. I realize that it was not the most professional choice, but I had to stand and absorb all that hatred on her behalf, and it hurt. Everyone thought that something was wrong with the patient, and when I managed to tell the doctor that the patient was fine, but he didn't want her back in his room because she had a scarf on her head, she started laughing and told me it was fine, she could deal with it. I'm sure that she's experienced that before and is used to it, but it hurts my heart that that is something that she's had to get used to.

I'm tired. I'm just tired of being here. I want to go home. I realize that racism exists everywhere, but I've never experienced it as blatantly as I have here. I'm not even talking about racism against myself, I'm a white woman. I'm talking about seeing it so openly expressed.

[Sour Lemon]

We used to sing that song that goes, "Celebrate good times, come on!" every time a nurse or doctor got fired. It was a large unit and the singing got pretty loud on occasion. I admit that it wasn't the most professional response, but it did turn a frustrating situation into something pretty fun.

[Buyer beware, BSN]

You can't be more tired than this comedy genius.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

" I had to stand and absorb all that hatred on her behalf, and it hurt."

No you didn't have to, you chose to. In the future focus on your patient care, that is what you are there to do.

[meanmaryjean, DNP, RN]

There are jerks everywhere.

[NurseStorm, BSN, RN]

I have to say, I laughed out loud when you said you actually said to them "yeah, white" *rofl* While 'perhaps' not the most 'professional' response, I personally think nothing wrong with saying that when that's what they are getting at :X Although I am a little bit sassy by times so perhaps my opinion isn't the best lol.

It also makes me very upset hearing of racism. Luckily it's not something I've encountered directly in my work that I can recall. We are a very white population where I live, with a number of doctors with "foreign" last names or appearances, and I have never had any patients express anything other than respect for our doctors, except for one child with behavioural problems who, through his tears, said "I wish I had a doctor who I could even understand better! I can barely tell what he's saying to me!" which is not a racist remark in my opinion, as he did have a tricky accent if you weren't used to it...

However, things like watching the US election and coverage is quite alarming, heart breaking and .. I don't even know the words to say how it makes me feel

I think most good managers would've stood up for you in that situation, however maybe I'm naive. It's not like you called them nazis, or other names, etc, you simply stated exactly what they were clearly thinking :| :|

[Wile E Coyote, ASN, RN]

It's a weird place admittedly, but I sometimes have more respect for those that at least can own their prejudices, per se.

I'm a very white-passing mixed-race person, and before I matured enough to call people out on their BS, I often witnessed the most gutless brand of racism.

A 'porch monkey' or two would leave a group of peers, who then proceeded to spew vile crap about the people who left, since the group was now safe amongst their own kind...at least so they thought. My uncomfortable shifting and laughs later turned to locking eyes and explaining my own 'inferior blood'...most were embarrassed, and the fully spineless would stumble and try to explain it away as just joking. Uh huh.

I live on the other side of the country, and actually enjoy making them squirm when the opportunity presents. I'm glad to say it's been years.

I say it's good to not always be surrounded by an overwhelmingly like-minded majority, but it does take patience and guts.

[KatieMI, BSN, MSN, RN]

I stopped "accent on my patient's care" about a year ago. First, because sometimes it really affects the said care - mostly in negative way. Second, because if I did not say it, probably nobody will, and it doesn't sit well with what I name my human values and rights. Because I am an immigrant who was "fired", belittled, fired for real and generally treated poorly entirely for this one reason.

Everywhere in this big world, things start to change when people start to take them personally. 60 years ago, it was OK to humiliate a person just for his or her skin color; then, too many people, black, white and all the shades in between, stopped to accept it all and started to take racial discrimination as a deeply personal issue - so now things, while still not in ideal condition but definitely better than they were before. When in my own country 25 years ago people came out on streets and protesting the order which seemed to be written on stone, the monster of Soviet Union collapsed in months. If each of us says something against rasism or lateral violence, something will eventually change.

OP, you did the right thing. I tell doctors about such situations, and if they chose not to accept the patient, then it is their choice.