I wish someone would write a book about....

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I wish someone would write a book about being a nurse....specifically designed for spouses to read. My live-in future husband thinks all I do is walk around handing out meds and warm blankets (in the air conditioning). I wish he knew what I truely went through in a day. No matter what I say, I don't think he will ever understand. I say this b/c I am new to nursing.... I have always babied him.... now, I want to be babied when I get home. My days aren't as easy as he thinks. I need some compassion TOO!! Anyone go through this?

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

Check this out & have him read it. He might come away enlightened.

www.allnurses.com/forums/f58/my-life-nurse-mans-perspective-48365.html

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Specializes in Cardiac Care, ICU.
I wish someone would write a book about being a nurse....specifically designed for spouses to read. My live-in future husband thinks all I do is walk around handing out meds and warm blankets (in the air conditioning). I wish he knew what I truely went through in a day. No matter what I say, I don't think he will ever understand. I say this b/c I am new to nursing.... I have always babied him.... now, I want to be babied when I get home. My days aren't as easy as he thinks. I need some compassion TOO!! Anyone go through this?

After 13 years of marriage, my husband is starting to get it.:uhoh3: Talk about your day and what you did, esp. the difficult, gross, emotional and frustrating parts. He'll get it eventually.

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Specializes in med-surg,sa,breast & cervical ca.

Oh Jeez, My DH too, he just does not believe that nursing is as physically and emotionally draining as it is- I mean NOTHING can be as tough as HIS job..I feel for you. Some spouses just don't get it.

MsP

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Specializes in RN- Med/surg.

I'm lucky here..or maybe he's just heard me talk about it alot from clinicals. I haven't even started yet..but my dh seems to understand. He sometimes reads over my shoulders here...and always is just shocked. He frequently asks "why on EARTH do you want to be a nurse??"

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I fear my computer geek hubby may be in the group of "doesn't get it" husbands. His favorite thing to say ever since I started school is, "When you're working and someone dies, or you make a mistake, or you get yelled at, you're not gonna bring that stress home, are you? Am I gonna have to hear about it??" Whoa, dude. It's called being emotionally supportive. Google it. :madface:

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Specializes in Med-Surg/Tele, ER.

My hubby does seem to get it for the most part, and on days when I'm working or weeks when I have a lot of shifts, he really picks-up a lot of housework and takes care of things. We've had a lot of discussions about the different challenges I face as a nurse (including co-worker relationships, relationships w/ docs, the high stress level on the floor, nurse-patient ratios, etc). A lot of our discussion arose from the first few chapters in Nursing Against the Odds, which I'm still trying to get him to read. He's receptive to reading it, just hasn't "found the time" :rolleyes: (I suppose I should put it in the bathroom hehe).

When I was nearing graduation, my hubby had a lot to say about "how much easier it would be" when I graduated. He meant financially and time-wise, we'd just have more of both. I was quick to correct him, and we discussed just how challenging the job is, both in terms of managing stress and handling the emotional stresses as well. We had a lot of conversations which began with me saying "You don't seem to understand how difficult this is for me". As a result I've gotten mucho support in the first weeks of my career, and for the most part he knows on days I work to let me be and ask how it went.

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Specializes in Med-Surg/Tele, ER.

Oh, and one more thought...

The thing that has been incredibly helpful for me is having another nurse to talk to. Unless your hubby is a nurse, they really won't fully understand, ever. IMO. My twin sis is a nurse, and when I really had a bad day at work nothing makes me feel better like calling her and venting. I can talk about the whole scenario with her understanding completely and not having to stop and explain every bit of terminology I use. I think that's really important. I have a person with whom I can discuss the challenges, using our language, and I know she gets it. Expecting your hubby (who's not a nurse) to really understand is expecting too much, IMO. You don't expect your friends who aren't nurses to get it, do ya? :)

That's not to say that your spouse is free of playing a supportive role, they absolutely should be trying to help you. I just wanted to add that in addition to my previous post, I've found it really necessary to have another nurse to talk to, who really understands.

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Specializes in cardiac med-surg.

dh was a lab tech in another life

so, tg, he is always understanding and sort-of listens to my tirades, rants and poisonous spewings

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hubby knows i deal with death, suffering and powerful emotions, day in and day out.

yet he's in awe of because of the tushes i wash.:rolleyes:

he makes it sound like cleaning up poop is my main responsibility.

i don't even talk about my day anymore...

leslie

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My s/o is a CNA, and works with me, tho not in my unit, every day. Sometimes he STILL doesn't get it, and he'll spout off with something like "well, you're the nurse, you were taught to handle that, right?" Even as a CNA he seems to sometimes think that all we do is pass out meds and sit in nice comfy chairs to write in charts. One day on my unit watching me frantically calling docs, helping a new nurse with an assessment, providing comfort care to an actively dying woman, taking calls from pharmacy, steering an NP to prescribe the "right" meds, and basically just doing what we all do, day in and day out, changed his mind. lol, now he actually offers to drive home once in a while, not to mention making dinner sometimes, and actually cleaning the house, etc, because "I look tired, musta' been a rough day".

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Speaking as 'justavolunteer' I don't think anyone can 100% understand a job, unless they are actually in that profession. I think I have a partial idea of what goes on because of volunteering on a pt. unit. Still, I'm not the nurse, the one who actually has to go through the stress of the job.

The lack of understanding is even greater among people generally. I have a cousin who is an RN. She took 6 months off after she had a baby. Her hospital only had to guarantee that some job would be open, not necessarily her old spot. After 6 months her old spot was still open & waiting. One of my aunts said "Why would the spot still be open. I thought nurses made good money". I tried to tell her that it wasn't just the money, it's the stress & grief of hospital nursing in general. I could tell by her 'deer-in the headlights' look that she didn't have any idea what I was talking about.

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