I want to quit

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I have been a RN for about 5yrs now. I haven't worked for the last 1.5yrs as I've been in an intense graduate school program for advanced practice. I feel like I am having a (early) midlife crisis. I no longer feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be or doing what I should be doing. I have been working hard to get to where I am, but I also feel like I've had such tunnel vision and have always done what was expected and what was best (as opposed to focusing on what I actually enjoy doing and making a career out of that). Looking to the future fills me with dread. I am definitely reconsidering the graduate school choice, but also unsure whether to choose a different aspect of nursing or just completely start over. If time and money were no object, I would honestly choose something else entirely.

That however is only the tip of the iceberg. I have been sick for almost 2 months now. Not just cough, colds, flus but SICK. I am still being poked and prodded and medicated and sent to various specialists, but at this point they are still not sure what is wrong. I have had countless Dr appts and lab draws, and have had a few sick days since the time I have been sick. I have had very little energy and motivation, which has come across in my work as well. There have been comments that it seems like I've lost my drive and passion. Part of this is being sick, and part of this is true. I feel a little lost. My program faculty members are growing impatient with me and are starting to crack down. I was given the choice of either promising to stop being sick and shape up, or take a quarter off on medical leave. With still being sick and undiagnosed, I felt like I didn't have much choice but to take the medical leave. This has now extended my graduation even more (so I'm now a year away from being done). The other problem is that they feel I have been slacking off (which has been somewhat true but more so from being sick), so they have various new rules that I will be held to when I return. I feel that the rules they are setting forth are essentially setting me up to fail. In some ways, they are fair. But on the other hand, it is essentially don't EVER do anything wrong EVER again or you'll be dismissed. It feels like they are now looking for any way to dismiss me.

I know I am rambling and I apologize for that, but there are many factors to include and my thoughts are somewhat scattered. It essentially comes down to the fact that I don't want to be doing this anymore. I honestly don't know if it is even worth it to continue. BUT I have been out of work for awhile while in school and I have a LARGE student loan. Quitting is not a decision I take lightly. I also feel that I am almost being set up to fail, in which case maybe it is better to just cut my losses now as opposed to getting farther in debt, farther down the road, and with the black mark of being dismissed.

I need some unbiased advice!

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Specializes in geriatrics.

Maybe you just need to take a break. Is it possible to take a semester off?

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If you don't want to do this anymore, don't. Just don't.

Stress can do some pretty heavy duty things to someone. It can make you ill. And for those who are ill, can make it much worse.

What astounds me is that in no other schooling but nursing does their seem to be a whole lot of rules for something that costs so much to attend. (you are paying them, not the other way around). Mostly under the "we want you to succeed" guise.

Here's the thing. You can take the time off, take care of your medical needs, and revisit this when you are in a place where you can do this objectively. Take a good look at your transcript, at what you have, at what you need. Perhaps online BSN-MSN is where you would rather be. Maybe a masters in something else entirely.

Now is the time to focus on you. Get better, then look at where you are. Not a degree in this world is worth losing your health and well being over.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.

You also may want to look into the possibility of depression. With everything going on becoming depressed wouldn't be a surprise. Take the medical leave and try to get you fixed. Once you're feeling better, mentally and physically, then re-evaluate your options. Good luck.

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If you don't mind sharing, what is it that you enjoy doing and could possibly make a career out of?

I agree with the other posters that you should take a break from school and focus on your health and well being. With you being ill and not even sure of the cause, you're likely not receiving optimal treatment for your conditon at this point. You can't be expected to hold yourself to even higher standards and stricter rules than usual when you're not well. Don't put that added stress on yourself.

Keep us posted and I truly hope you are feeling better very soon!

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Is it possible your diet has taken a backseat during this time? I know for myself, when super busy, my eating habits suffer. If yours do as well, at least improving your dietary nutrition may improve your overall well being.

I eat a pretty healthy diet, yet found myself deficient in Vit D...and I live in the sunshine state! After supplementing and getting my levels up to an optimal level, I felt much better. I had been feeling really crappy, getting multiple UTI's, achy & tired and definitely unmotivated.

Hope that you feel better soon....

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the hardest part of giving birth is the crowning, where the head of the baby is right there but the hardest to push right, but once it's out... its the greatest feeling, success, and so much relief.

thats you... you are in the darkest part of your life because you are about to give birth to something great!

but of course, the devil would do everything and anything in his power to stop u. Depression, feeling sick, pain, hardships until you give up because he doesn't want you to succeed. God allowed it to happen cuz he wants your faith and he knows you will make it and he will help you through it. You need to kneel before God and accept that you couldn't make it without him.

Good Luck.

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Thank you all for your input. I have decided to at least take the medical leave and kind of go from there. If nothing else, it will allow me some time to rest and get better. As well as giving me some time to think through my options. I definitely agree that committing to even higher standards (when I'm already barely making it through while being sick) is just not an option right now.

Honestly if it weren't for the school loans, I would quit completely. I have a husband but no kids, and I feel like I would be a huge disappointment to him if I quit. That being said, he is 100% supportive of me regardless. It just is very stressful to figure out a new plan. I have been thinking the last few days of different options, and none of them have included going back. But deciding for sure to not go back is a big decision that I'm not quite ready to make.

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If you don't mind sharing, what is it that you enjoy doing and could possibly make a career out of?

If I could start over, I would be a veterinarian or a marine biologist. I LOVE animals and wish I had gone this route instead. Not that it's no longer an option, but it would definitely be a lot of additional schooling and cost :/ I wanted to be a vet as I was growing up, but was essentially talked out of it. I have many nurses in the family and they convinced me that nursing was the way to go. I don't HATE nursing but I don't love it either.

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Ohhhh op...this might be on to something. If animals are your thing, would you be able to do a few animal related courses and be a vet tech! (or a vet nurse) I would see if there's anything like that in your state.

Another thought is to get your masters in education, a certification in Marine Biology, and you could do reasearch or teach.

Best of luck in your future endevours, but first things first, take care of you!!

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the hardest part of giving birth is the crowning, where the head of the baby is right there but the hardest to push right, but once it's out... its the greatest feeling, success, and so much relief.

thats you... you are in the darkest part of your life because you are about to give birth to something great!

Good Luck.

While true, I still think that a semester off and a rest and a diagnosis might make you feel better. Ask to be referred to someone with expertise in chronic fatigue syndrome. And remember, no matter what your degree is in, if it's finished it's still evidence of your abilities that you can apply to something else. No learning is wasted.

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Someone mentioned vit D difficiency and I too had that problem. A lot of what you are describing reminded me of how I was feeling.

What I did was take some vitamin D and I would sit out in the sun for like 15-30 min everyday. I know that sounds ridiculous but I realized before I did, I was always in the house. Once I started feeling better I started walking and doing light exercise.

Ever since I did that it really helped.

Now I've been supplementing with a super food and some protein (I don't eat enough meat). I find vit B really helps me too.

Anyway I hope you find what inspires you and helps pull you through. Really listening to your body and noticing what you put into it really helps. A lot of my problems were completely dietary and lifestyle related. I know this might not be the case for everyone, but I'm just sharing my story hoping it helps.

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