I am struggling with patient families lately.

Nurses Relations

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I am fed up with patient families treating the hospital like a family reunion site. I am tired of the family members that insist on staying the night, why? In some cases I get it. But when your boyfriend has the flu or your nana needs her rest and she won't rest with a room full of visitors, please leave and go home. I am very capable of doing my job without you laying there with one eye opened making sure I do what you think I should. These are all things I wish I could say, but damn those customer satisfaction surveys.

Last night I was at the bedside of my patient in "bed 1". I was not doing any care beyond talking with her (which, in my opinion, is an important part of nursing care), however, I was clearly engaged with my patient.

The daughter of the patient in "bed 2" came and stood at the other side of patient 1's bed, watching me.

I ignored her for a moment, but when she continued to stand there I paused my conversation to address this.

She started speaking, and I said I was with my patient and would speak to her when I was done. She cut me off and continued talking about her mother (who was sleeping, and therefore having no urgent problems).

I held my hand up to stop her, and I repeated, "I am with my patient right now, and I will come speak with you when I am finished."

This is an ongoing pattern with this family. I should not have to repeat myself but I frequently do. I do not ever have a problem chatting with family members, but it is inappropriate for them to interrupt my time with my other patient, to enter that patient's area, without an urgent reason to do so.

This is a mild example, but an example of how families can be frustrating. Again, it isn't their presence or their involvement with my patient I take issue with, but rather their inappropriate behaviour.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a certain degree of respect for others from the families of our patients. That's just basic, in my opinion. Or should be anyway.

No doubt. Just have to respectfully and kindly but firmly stand your ground and keep doing what is the priority. That's how nursing functions. Sounds like there needs to be a family meeting with manager, nurses, social worker, and these members. I'd take the time to write about the situation, and submit it to the NM. I'd also make a copy. I have just learned to do this over the years. Date and time it, and make copies. Also write the time it was submitted to the NM. Respectfully follow up with it by phone. Take a positive approach, but be as objective and professional as possible. If other nurses are experiencing this, see if they will do the same. If you don't get anything back from the NM, follow the chain.

If it's not that big of a deal or interruptive to patient care and treatment, you also have to decide if you should just let it go. Choose battles very carefully.

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I was verbally attacked by a patient's family at LTC just last night. They were yelling at me, trying to get in a fight with me over medications etc etc etc. Their loved one had a fall and I was trying to focus on the patient you know like doing a" neurological assessment"? It made them even more angry that I was ignoring them for a minute and instead was focusing on doing my "neurological assessment." They were screaming at me "Look at me" while I was trying to focus and care for their loved one!!!!

Again, that's inappropriate and you have to get the proper people involved, such as the supervisor, etc. Also, make it clear that you will not interact with them, short of an emergency, if they take that approach and tone.

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Specializes in Gerontology, Med surg, Home Health.

I've been a working nurse for 30 years and have seen a huge change in how we're treated. Families used to be respectful for the most part and not want to bother the nurse. Now some families seem to think we are there to serve them. I completely understand their being stressed about their sick loved one, but screaming at me will not make that family member better. I recently had a family member scream at me in the hallway so loudly tahat the DPH surveyor who was in the building at the time stopped dead in his tracks.Because I've been doing this for 30 years and because I'm in charge of the building and because I knew she wouldn't just stop, I took her in an office, put my hand up, and told her I was not going to speak to her until she could be civil. I told her it was my job to make sure her dad got what he needed and I knew what it was like to have a sick parent. She calmed down, we chatted and all was well.Stressed or not, family members do not have the right to scream and yell at the nurses. And to the poster who said if we didn't like that kind of treatment we are in the wrong profession, I vehemently disagree. We are there to take care of your family member. Not to be verbal punching bags.

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No doubt. Just have to respectfully and kindly but firmly stand your ground and keep doing what is the priority. That's how nursing functions. Sounds like there needs to be a family meeting with manager, nurses, social worker, and these members. I'd take the time to write about the situation, and submit it to the NM. I'd also make a copy. I have just learned to do this over the years. Date and time it, and make copies. Also write the time it was submitted to the NM. Respectfully follow up with it by phone. Take a positive approach, but be as objective and professional as possible. If other nurses are experiencing this, see if they will do the same. If you don't get anything back from the NM, follow the chain.

If it's not that big of a deal or interruptive to patient care and treatment, you also have to decide if you should just let it go. Choose battles very carefully.

I chart EVERYTHING that could be a potential problem, so I have a good log of various interactions with this family that show a pattern. They complained vehemently to the day nurse about me, saying I was a terrible nurse (of course, their darling loved one was very thankful for the care I provided, but they didn't ask her) so I have spoken to my manager, if only to point her toward my charting and as a heads up. She is well aware of how this family can behave.

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I chart EVERYTHING that could be a potential problem, so I have a good log of various interactions with this family that show a pattern. They complained vehemently to the day nurse about me, saying I was a terrible nurse (of course, their darling loved one was very thankful for the care I provided, but they didn't ask her) so I have spoken to my manager, if only to point her toward my charting and as a heads up. She is well aware of how this family can behave.

Well, if she doesn't get a meeting going, in the appropriate manner, then you and your colleagues may be forced to follow the chain of command. It's on her plate, and she is obligated to deal with it. If she doesn't, someone has to get things moving.

I wish you the best. Sounds unnecessarily exhausting.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.
I do not practice at the bedside,

I'm sorry but if you don't work at the bedside in a hospital you really have no idea what it's like day in and day out for us nurses that ARE at the bedside. You've only seen your view as a patients family member, not as a nurse who deals with patients and their families yelling, throwing things, interrupting codes and procedures for things that can absolutely wait till we are free. So please don't act like you have any idea of what's going on in the hospital if you don't work there.

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I'm sorry but if you don't work at the bedside in a hospital you really have no idea what it's like day in and day out for us nurses that ARE at the bedside. You've only seen your view as a patients family member, not as a nurse who deals with patients and their families yelling, throwing things, interrupting codes and procedures for things that can absolutely wait till we are free. So please don't act like you have any idea of what's going on in the hospital if you don't work there.

My dear, I've been an RN for 17 years. Because I do not currently work at the bedside certainly does not mean I have no idea what it's like day in and day out for nurses who are at the bedside. I never said I have no bedside experience. Sorry.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.

My dear, I've been an RN for 17 years. Because I do not currently work at the bedside certainly does not mean I have no idea what it's like day in and day out for nurses who are at the bedside. I never said I have no bedside experience. Sorry.

Well you only said you did not work bedside, so I was to assume you had worked bedside at some point? And while you may have worked bedside in the past, as other nurses have pointed out, hospitals have turned into the customer is always right, bending over backwards to please pain in the ass families while throwing nurses under the bus.

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Well you only said you did not work bedside, so I was to assume you had worked bedside at some point? And while you may have worked bedside in the past, as other nurses have pointed out, hospitals have turned into the customer is always right, bending over backwards to please pain in the ass families while throwing nurses under the bus.

From your own posts I understand you have been a nurse for a little over three years . . . Not exactly a historical perspective.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.
From your own posts I understand you have been a nurse for a little over three years . . . Not exactly a historical perspective.

Which is why I said "as other nurses have pointed out...". And my three years as a nurse has been in a hospital at the bedside, and 8 years before that was as a medical receptionist in offices. Seeing as you aren't currently at the bedside and haven't been for...how long...I don't think you really understand what it's like in this day and age at the bedside.

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Which is why I said "as other nurses have pointed out...". And my three years as a nurse has been in a hospital at the bedside, and 8 years before that was as a medical receptionist in offices. Seeing as you aren't currently at the bedside and haven't been for...how long...I don't think you really understand what it's like in this day and age at the bedside.

Feel free to think anything you wish. Have a good day.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
I've been a working nurse for 30 years and have seen a huge change in how we're treated. Families used to be respectful for the most part and not want to bother the nurse. Now some families seem to think we are there to serve them. I completely understand their being stressed about their sick loved one but screaming at me will not make that family member better. I recently had a family member scream at me in the hallway so loudly tahat the DPH surveyor who was in the building at the time stopped dead in his tracks.Because I've been doing this for 30 years and because I'm in charge of the building and because I knew she wouldn't just stop, I took her in an office, put my hand up, and told her I was not going to speak to her until she could be civil. I told her it was my job to make sure her dad got what he needed and I knew what it was like to have a sick parent. She calmed down, we chatted and all was well.Stressed or not, family members do not have the right to scream and yell at the nurses. And to the poster who said if we didn't like that kind of treatment we are in the wrong profession, I vehemently disagree. We are there to take care of your family member. Not to be verbal punching bags.[/quote']

Agree. Time for my vent.

In the 11 years of healthcare I've experience:

One person threatened to kill me over the phone because I did not disclose information, ie complied with HIPPA regulations.

One man threatened to punch me in my face, whereby I turned away from him and continued to get ready to receive report. I told him we were at shift change, but that wasn't good enough for him, although the out going nurse had settled his mom...she had a dietary question...The priority was the incoming nurse getting history, etc, BEFORE even answering the question. He apologized later and bought the unit dinner.

Witness a family attempt to assault a co-worker...the family who was visiting call OTHER family members to come up an attempt to intimidate the nurse while the nursing supervisor stood by and contemplated calling security. I got up and helped diffused the family situation, and he family left-though I had to get a talking to by another nurse supervisor because the supervisor who FROZE felt "disappointed" (aka her feelings were hurt...sup had history of being an incompetent nurse-I didn't care less, because I didn't know she had that superiority complex...I had been there for six months at the time). The pt preferred me to have their mom, no complaints after my intervention.

Recently, working in a medical daycare, had a mom say "I will **** all you ******* up"; Had a married couple (now divorced) attempt to have us document when one didn't send supplies in (although that didn't changed, when they were married the ALWAYS had the problem and then say that we weren't taking care of their son adequately, although he wasn't getting adequate hygiene in the first place)...a mom yell at me for putting in a donated shirt, never mind I was making sure that his thermoregulation is maintained. Stuck between working for a small business that has a board that had a special needs child but NEVER felt highly about nurses AT ALL, along with people who have NO CLUE the challenges we battle through...and an administrator that has given up in advocating for the nurse that DO give excellent nursing care and have excellent nursing judgement...yeah, it happens in the small business non-profit arena.

Either way, I've drawn a line in the sand and given each of these recent scenarios, down to WHAT I do as a NURSE, not a baby sitter-my PRIORITY is NURSING!!! Also you not only have rights but RESPONSIBILITIES, and it is THIER responsibility to treat me how they want to be treated-as a HUMAN.

In the past, as well ad the future I have and always will be flexible to switch my assignment with another nurse...so pts can witness the rest of the pt's families thank me profusely and give me high marks, or see upper management come down and want to meet me, or visit me even though they may be golfing buddies...well he wants me to learn golf, too-guess I'll see them on the Fairway...;) (sarcasm)

I am moving back into the acute care arena. What was interesting is when I had a job interview, we had a great discussion about dealing with difficult families, and the challenges that I have seen-yes, they are inflammatory, but haven't been bothered by it, because I have advocated to the point there was no violence, or the problem was rectified...they were willing to hire me...supported the way I handled every challenge :) either way, I'll keep enforcing boundaries with a mix of salt and sugar on top for the sake my patients and for my own safety :)

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