how do I stick up for myself?

joyflnoyz, LPN · Sep 4, 2006

Next time she makes an ugly comment, you can very sweetly ask her

" Now, darlin', Why would you say something like that? That was just plain ugly" You're calling her on the behavior without getting ugly yourself.

I don't think that telling her "That hurts" will do any good. That's her whole point-- to make you feel bad. She is a bully. Bullys don't stop unless confronted. Maybe being sugary sweet won't get the point across; then you'll have to flat out tell her to "back off"

Tweety's got it right -keep a journal. if the bullying doesn't stop after you

take a stand, take the journal to your NM and use the words "Hostile Work Environment" NO manager wants to hear that LOL

Oh, and if you notice her being ugly to others, write that in your journal too.

Halinja, BSN, RN · Sep 4, 2006

I agree with joyflnoyz. She knows she's being hurtful. Telling her 'that hurts' may actually give her secondary gain for her behavior. I have in the past told someone to stop it, and oddly enough it did work. Had to tell her a couple of times, but she ended up being perfectly pleasant after that.

I like the idea of a journal also. Document document document.

vamedic4, EMT-P · Sep 4, 2006

Tell her to stick it wherever it hurts, and remind her that one day you'll be her charge nurse. That ought to shut her up.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Sep 4, 2006

Tell her to stick it wherever it hurts, and remind her that one day you'll be her charge nurse. That ought to shut her up.

And that ought to make the next day a real peach.:uhoh21:

Halinja, BSN, RN · Sep 4, 2006

Tell her to stick it wherever it hurts, and remind her that one day you'll be her charge nurse. That ought to shut her up.

Hmmm...Not sure I'd go with that. Tell her to stop and you may be able to be able to interact with her in the future civily. Attack her personally, and you're likely to end up in a war. I guess it depends on the outcome you're hoping for.

teresaden · Sep 4, 2006

Please locate a copy of this Primer and read it: "How to Swim with Sharks: A Primer" by Voltaire Cousteau. Short, but too long to type here. If you have difficulty with assertiveness, trust me, you will find this helpful.

shazbo · Sep 4, 2006

she may be the first but she certainly won't be the last nurse that will attempt to rattle you.use her as practice. iv'e found that a very direct eyeball to eyeball-don't ever speak to me that way again approach is the fastest and most effective way to stop that behavior. it's about respecting yourself, not disrespecting her. it's not easy but what is? you will gain confidence in yourself and that you can always use.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Sep 4, 2006

Next time she makes an ugly comment, you can very sweetly ask her
" Now, darlin', Why would you say something like that? That was just plain ugly" You're calling her on the behavior without getting ugly yourself.

That's a bit too condescending in my opinion and not everyone appreciates being called "darlin'" and this might lead to too much defensiveness.

Best to stay on a professional level. Like "I'm sure you didn't deliberately mean to belittle me or be hurtful, but what you just said needs some clarification because it made me feel uncomfortable and belittled............blah blah blah".

KellieNurse06 · Sep 4, 2006

So I am coming to the end of my 3 month orientation which has been pretty good......my last week is next week. I have had a lot of preceptors which I hated at first but now I appreciate the different learning styles I was exposed too. My manager says I have really come along way......and I get good feedback from my coworkers. I am learning how to deal with stress and cope better. Here is the problem, there is one nurse i will call her Adrienne. And she is a LPN and in school to get her AD. Ever since day one she has been rude and nasty to me. She makes nasty remarks.......and hurts my feelings purposely. Anytime I feel I am making progress and acknowledge it to myself or with my preceptor, she lets me know that I still need more practice and how "insert any other orientees name here" is doing so much better. I end up second guessing myself and feeling incompetent......I am so sick of her! No matter what I do, it isnt good enough for her........even though I am doing fine. I feel foolish for letting this girl have so much power over my feelings. I went to school 4 years to get my BSN I passed boards. I worked hard.......I know I am capable. My coworkers tell me she is doing this to me because I let her and that I need to tell her off because she does this with some newbies. I have had problems sticking up for myself in the past. At first I tried to be nice to her and make jokes and be helpful but she was still nasty and harsh......I need help. i am starting to dread my job. My job is ok but ........I am tired of dealing with her.

Some people are just jealous........don't let her bother you....kill her with kindness overload! lol! If she's jealous of your education tell her then go back to school....simply said.

My friend is a nurse in a group home & there is one person there who is an aide and she tries to tell the nurses what to do....even to the point of when a resident is sick & has to be sent out..she will say more times than not "there's nothing wrong with so & so".......well my friend says her license is on the line & that's the bottom line..and she pretty much told her if she wants to make nursing judgement calls then go back to school to become one...until then she is to keep her mouth shut & stay within her job practice scope........

I think this nurse maybe just jealous of you..and it could be something so minor as the way you speak...............people are weird like this.............

don't let her get you down...some people are just plain miserable with life period.....life's too short!!!

Maybe just confront her matter of factly with..." Is there a problem because xyz....you fill it in" Sometimes also if you call a person on what they are doing they will stop...........