I made her cry?!?

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in ICU - ER.

I just had my evaluation at the hospital I work at. Out of the blue I was given a "did not meet expections" for treating co-workers with respect. This was due to one nurse I work with saying I made her cry and made her feel that she needs to leave the unit.

We work in an ICU at a small hospital, I came here from a level 1 tramua center with only 7 months experience. Cindy (that is what I will call her) has been a nurse for about 9 years on med-surg. Cindy came to this unit only two weeks after I started. She has many strengths but is struggling in ICU due mostly to her fears. She does not want to take on the most critical patients and when I work with her it is okay with me. I love those patients. I get to learn new things and keep moving most of the night.

My issue is I never knew I made her feel this way, I never intended to make her feel this way. Now it is in my file that I do not respect my co-workers. I got a chance to write a comment and I wrote that I had no idea I made anyone feel this way and that it was not my intent. I feel that I was blind-sided. Do I talk to Cindy about this? I still have no idea what made her cry. I dont want to make her cry again. I have worked with people who have made me feel that I have no business being there and do not want to be one of those people. I am still pretty upset, I have probably rambled on. Any advise?

thanks

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I think it sucks that your manager blindsided you with this on your eval. They should have been professional enough to come to you and discuss it with you before putting it in your evaluation. Evals are looked at for everything. I think you got the short end of the stick.

Depending on your relationship with "Cindy", I would probably let it go. Although I'm sure it hurts your feelings to know that you inadvertently hurt someone, sounds like this might be one of those times where things are better left unsaid.

Good Luck to you!

Babarnurse

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

Don't talk to Cindy without a third party. She is probably highly sensitive,and obviously has difficulty talking to people, otherwise she would have dealt with you directly in the first place. She also is not to be trusted because she got you in trouble once, and isn't as innocent as you are describing her.

Cindy, although you say she lacks confidence, obviously has allies at your new workplace, and I would tread carefully around her. I agree, don't bring it up, just treat her with kid gloves.

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Specializes in Geriatrics/Family Practice.

Next time you work with "Cindy", just start crying uncontrollaby. Just kidding. Wouldn't it be nice if "Cindy" would've had the tact to come to you if she felt offended or hurt so you could defend yourself rather than her being a rat and going to the manager? Alot of the stories I hear on this website could be resolved if people would just professionally and tactfully try to resolve situations themselves rather than blindsiding their coworkers by going to management. Somethings should go to management, but not all. Now you've got something in your record because of "Cindy". Make sure you tell her "Thanks Alot"

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

It isn't always wise to directly go to someone. I have tried that and people end up resentful. Our management was trying to get us to directly deal with co-workers, so I tried that and she (the co-worker I tried to have a discussion with) wrote up the whole conversation in a one-sided manner and got me hauled in. You can't trust anyone, nor can you trust management to be King Solomon.

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bad situation, the really bad thing is that this will be in your folder after cindy and manager are gone to whereever these people go when they are finished acting like this

if she is apt to cry for things that happen in the daily course of events then she is not likely to change, she is not very professional and the mgr should have had a face to face talk with you before eval

put some distance between cindy and yourself,do not atempt take the worse patents, if she can't stand up to the work she may return to medsurg give her assistance if she needs it but at least it will be noted that she was having difficulties...she needs to be replaced if you have more really bad patients than you can handle the overflow will be put at risk

you find the peter principle in nursing just as you will in any other workplace but in nursing it should not be tolerated

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Isn't nursing ridiculous?

It's like being in elementary school.

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I just had my evaluation at the hospital I work at. Out of the blue I was given a "did not meet expections" for treating co-workers with respect. This was due to one nurse I work with saying I made her cry and made her feel that she needs to leave the unit.

We work in an ICU at a small hospital, I came here from a level 1 tramua center with only 7 months experience. Cindy (that is what I will call her) has been a nurse for about 9 years on med-surg. Cindy came to this unit only two weeks after I started. She has many strengths but is struggling in ICU due mostly to her fears. She does not want to take on the most critical patients and when I work with her it is okay with me. I love those patients. I get to learn new things and keep moving most of the night.

My issue is I never knew I made her feel this way, I never intended to make her feel this way. Now it is in my file that I do not respect my co-workers. I got a chance to write a comment and I wrote that I had no idea I made anyone feel this way and that it was not my intent. I feel that I was blind-sided. Do I talk to Cindy about this? I still have no idea what made her cry. I dont want to make her cry again. I have worked with people who have made me feel that I have no business being there and do not want to be one of those people. I am still pretty upset, I have probably rambled on. Any advise?

thanks

Actually you should have pressed your manager for details regarding the incident. What exactly happened to "make" her cry? It's not your job to make her happy or read her mind if something is bothering her. Cindy clearly showed a lack of respect towards you by not discussing whatever issue she had with you. You should not feel bad about this, especially since it sounds like you have no idea what this incident was about. Your manager handled the situation very inappropriately.

DO NOT discuss anything with this person, in fact do not trust her period. If possible avoid her, avoid working with her. As someone else suggested avoid talking with her alone, have a third party with you if possible.

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Specializes in ER/EHR Trainer.

Sorry you had such a bad experience, I would continue to do my regular work, but I would make sure that she wasn't off the hook. Obviously, if after 9 years she is crying about her job and unsure of her abillities-she doesn't belong in ICU or with critical care patients. While we know patient care is number one, if a crisis is evident help her, otherwise let her sink on her own....she will.

Your manager sounds like a complete idiot, taking a one sided opinion of you. If you can amend that record I would not only outline your feelings about being surprised at your evaluation, but about a system that would allow that type of comment to be placed in your record. Its a crock and should not be tolerated! Respect goes both way and you were given none! If this is a union hospital I would also get my union rep involved. Also, give her or any friends she may have a wide berth-she sounds like trouble-the criers even if they are muckups always seem to stay employed. Good Luck.

Maisy;)

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

I don't think this should be on your evaluation. Anything less than satisfactory on your evaluation should be something that you have not improved upon after considerable counseling. Nothing on your evaluation should be "out of the blue." You can't correct something you are not aware of!

The note you wrote on there was good; it makes it clear that you were not aware of the issue and that the manager had never spoken to you about it before.

Either your manager has been "saving this up" or she put it on your evaluation on impulse. Neither one is good.

I'd be very, very careful with both the co-worker and the manager from now on.

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Specializes in ICU;CCU;Telemetry;L&D;Hospice;ER/Trauma;.

OHHHHH PLUEEZE! Heck, she coulda been cryin' because she was on her menstrual cycle!! gimme a break!

I think a manager who focuses onthings like this should be slapped with a wet noodle! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? This kind of stuff doesn't belong on an OBJECTIVE evaluation.....your skills, your work performance, your attendance, your educational pursuits, THESE ARE WHAT PEOPLE SHOULD FOCUS ON....subjective gossipy whiney kindergarten crap has got to go....I wish managers would pull their collective heads out and stop this....

What your manager has done has set a precedent. Everytime someone has a burr under their saddle about you, they can just run to her/him with it, and it gets put on your evaluation.....WHAT???

I would certainly write a rebuttal....I wouldn't give Cindy the time of day....If you don't speak to her, look at her, or breathe her air, you cannot be blamed for "making her cry."

I cannot believe this level of managership exists in our profession....what they both need (manager and Cindy) is about 10 weeks in a Marine bootcamp....or a summer on my dad's working 10,000 acre ranch .....I am pretty sure neither of them understand teamwork, hard work, or facing fear....

What a pair of wussie-butts....

dang...now I am all steamed up.....

Only a coward runs to their manager and blames someone else because they are unhappy and unfullfilled.....

I would be curious to know if your manager said anything to her (cindy) on your behalf....

she is, after all, supposed to be impartial....

You keep your chin up, kid...that little ankle-bitin' wench needs to go back to med surg if it is too hot in ICU for her...

Take care, CRNI

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Specializes in Geriatrics/Family Practice.

I want you to be on my side if I'm ever in trouble CRNI. I like your attitude. You've obviously been in nursing for a while and have the whole backstabbing, nitpicking stuff figured out and how to deal with it. Rock On!!! I know it's so 80's, but it just sounded right.

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