I desperately need some advice

[Sensibility]

I started a job 3 months ago at a local hospital. I thought that everything was going really well until yesterday when I was brought into the office by our supervisors. I was basically told that I was in major trouble and that things were not working out for me. They were upset because I charted something that they felt was a diagnosis. They also felt that I don't give good reports. I have been crying all day. I worked so hard to get to this point and it is hard to be rejected by my peers. They are complaining about me to these supervisors trying to get me fired. Not everyone feels that way but some apparently do. If they sincerely cared about me, they would come to me and tell me what problems they had.

Does anyone know of a resource where I can learn more about these two topics so that I can understand why these things are a problem and how to avoid them in the future? Thanks so much!

[Lucky0220]

originally posted by ruby vee

i just spent the afternoon in my manager's office -- there was a complaint about me for refusing to co-sign a narcotic waste. i was on vacation and out of state on the day in question.

ok, don't want to hijack this thread, but this just kills me. ruby, what did they do to the person that accused you of refusing to co-sign, since it obviously was a lie????

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

originally posted by ruby vee

i just spent the afternoon in my manager's office -- there was a complaint about me for refusing to co-sign a narcotic waste. i was on vacation and out of state on the day in question.

ok, don't want to hijack this thread, but this just kills me. ruby, what did they do to the person that accused you of refusing to co-sign, since it obviously was a lie????

she actually wasted the narcotic with my husband in one of the other icus. she went into the computerized charting to find his name for him to co-sign it, but he isn't in there as his team charts on paper. she saw the last name and (as it's an unusual name) didn't look at the first name, just marked it down. it took me three hours to figure that out, straighten it out and then notify everyone involved about the disposition.

[leslie :-D]

she actually wasted the narcotic with my husband in one of the other icus. she went into the computerized charting to find his name for him to co-sign it, but he isn't in there as his team charts on paper. she saw the last name and (as it's an unusual name) didn't look at the first name, just marked it down. it took me three hours to figure that out, straighten it out and then notify everyone involved about the disposition.

your husband wasn't on vacation with you?

i ask, because he signed it when you were on vacation.

leslie:)

[Lucky0220]

your husband wasn't on vacation with you?

i ask, because he signed it when you were on vacation.

leslie:)

HA! That's why it was a VACATION!!!

Only kidding, Ruby:redbeathe

[prettynurse125]

its really sad when supervisors work against there nurses! thats every where my last two jobs they tried to do sneaky stuff to all nurses my advice is cover ur butt! always wrk as a team with other nurses work with eachother not against eachother but that always doesnt happen if not watch ur back

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

your husband wasn't on vacation with you?

i ask, because he signed it when you were on vacation.

leslie:)

my mother, who has alzheimer's, recently stated deteriorating quickly. i have had to fly halfway across the country every few weeks to move her into a dementia ward when the alf could no longer keep her, and now to settle some of her affairs. dh has his own mother with alzheimer's so one of us frequently travels without the other to deal with mother issues. it isn't a vacation, but i am burning through my vacation time.

[rn/writer, RN]

my mother, who has alzheimer's, recently stated deteriorating quickly. i have had to fly halfway across the country every few weeks to move her into a dementia ward when the alf could no longer keep her, and now to settle some of her affairs. dh has his own mother with alzheimer's so one of us frequently travels without the other to deal with mother issues. it isn't a vacation, but i am burning through my vacation time.

so sorry to hear this, ruby. i'm glad you were able to sort out what happened with the narc wasting situation.

[Sensibility, BSN, RN]

What is it that you documented that was considered a 'diagnosis'?

PVCs and missing beats as seen on monitor. Reported to Dr. X. EKG done per doctor's orders.

[Sensibility, BSN, RN]

here's an opportunity for you to comport yourself as a professional. every professional gets negative feedback at one time or another -- learn how to accept it an learn from it and you'll find that your co-workers will go to you rather than straight to your manager. if you get angry, upset, defensive or teary with negative feedback, they'll avoid giving it to you. if they're not giving it to you, they're giving it to your manager because no one -- absolutely no one -- is perfect.

that's why i was upset. i would like to think that i flex and change constantly as a professional in attempt to meet the expectations of everyone around me. i am not a new grad. i am someone who has a great deal of experience. i've been out of the workforce for a while. i have been back for a year and now landed this very lucrative job that i want to keep.

i know i gave very vague details. but i'm afraid of someone discovering who i am and getting in more trouble. but i sincerely want to get help from fellow nurses who are not involved so that i don't offend anyone else.

when i met with my supervisors, i had no idea that they were displeased. the first words out of their mouths were that i was not meeting their expectations and that they were going to have me go back on orientation for 5 more weeks. the implication was that this was my last chance.

i do have some problems with some of the older nurses. i know you don't know me or know whether what i'm getting ready to tell you is the truth, but it is. i never knew this one person and she distanced me from day #1. she never gave me a chance, doesn't want to work with me, has no desire to be a team player and never says two words to me at all ever. as they say, for a profession that is supposed to be one of caring for people, it attracts some of the most heartless ugly-on-the-inside people.

i get conflicting messages from every direction, which is making it so hard for me to do what's expected because i'm not sure what's expected. i took one of the als classes because in their documentation it stated that this was something they expected for employment. i thought they would be so pleased with that. instead, i found out today that it was assumed that i had an ulterior motive to get more pay. how absurd! i didn't even know i could get more pay because of that. i was just trying to do what i thought would make them happy. because of the experience i received through that course, i am now able to do a better job at understanding ekgs. obviously, i'm not a cardiologist or doctor. one of my fellow nurses who is highly respected says she has no idea how to read an ekg. but yet, in all the computerized documentation for employment, it was stressed over and over that the hospital wanted this. how can i succeed? i can't.

[Sensibility, BSN, RN]

my mother, who has alzheimer's, recently stated deteriorating quickly. i have had to fly halfway across the country every few weeks to move her into a dementia ward when the alf could no longer keep her, and now to settle some of her affairs. dh has his own mother with alzheimer's so one of us frequently travels without the other to deal with mother issues. it isn't a vacation, but i am burning through my vacation time.

my mom has alzheimer's too. i know what you're going through.

[rn/writer, RN]

How can I succeed? I can't.

You certainly won't with that kind of thinking.

I don't say that to be harsh, but to point out to you that you have to jettison this kind of defeatist attitude or you will never get beyond where you are now.

I never knew this one person and she distanced me from day #1. She never gave me a chance, doesn't want to work with me, has no desire to be a team player and never says two words to me at all ever. As they say, for a profession that is supposed to be one of caring for people, it attracts some of the most heartless ugly-on-the-inside people.

She distanced herself from you? How? Your complaints about her sound mainly emotional. She wasn't there for you. She didn't give you a chance? A chance to what? Prove yourself to her? That isn't where your focus should be.

If you go to work looking for caring people, your mind will not be on your job as much as it should be.

I get conflicting messages from every direction, which is making it so hard for me to do what's expected because I'm not sure what's expected. I took one of the ALS classes because in their documentation it stated that this was something they expected for employment. I thought they would be so pleased with that. Instead, I found out today that it was assumed that I had an ulterior motive to get more pay. How absurd! I didn't even know I could get more pay because of that. I was just trying to do what I thought would make them happy.

You sound like a very nice person who is caught in the trap of being a people pleaser. You thought your employer would be so pleased and happy that you took this ALS course. It's good to look for ways to improve yourself and keep your training fresh and up to date. But this may be a case of trying to run before you can crawl.

Here are a few suggestions for getting yourself back on track:

1. Stop trying to make other people happy. Stop trying to please them and have them care about you. Stop worrying about their opinions and whether or not they like you. Does that mean you give up and stop trying to learn how to do your job better? No. It means that you keep learning and orienting and improving because it's the right thing to do and because it will please you to become better at what you do. Does it mean that you become cold and disdainful toward your peers? No, it means you be pleasant and kind, but you don't spend a lot of time trying to make friends or get close to others. There will be time for some of that later when your job is more secure and you are feeling safer.

2. With your manager's help, pick one or two wise nurses who have some emotional maturity and seek them out for any feedback that you need. This should help cut down on your confusion. Do not look for affirmation of your feelings but rather of your knowledge and skills. Keep your emotions in check and deal with them off the clock. We read other people, so if you go around with your heart on your sleeve, you're going to be way too vulnerable and you will telegraph your neediness to those who can be unkind.

3. Carry a small notebook in your pocket. Write down any questions you may have so you can look them up when you have a chance. Try to do this before you ask someone else. It will stay with you longer if you have to seek the information out. And you will not come off as someone who relies on others rather than doing the legwork yourself. Yes, there will be times when you have no choice but to ask, but if you have kept your inquiries to the minimum, this shouldn't be a problem.

4. In this same notebook, write down your successes. If you tackled something new and it went well, write it down. If someone says something nice (even though you're no longer seeking that), write it down. If you caught a problem and fixed it or at least alerted others to it, write it down. We are far too good at remembering our failures and beating ourselves up with every replay. We need to keep better track of our victories and run through them from time to time. This helps on one of those days when you don't think you can do anything right.

5. Do not allow anyone a vote on whether you're an okay human being. You decide that you are, and that's that.

6. You do accept input on your nursing skills, but even that should be tempered with caution. Consider the source. Examine the content of any negative input. Take in what is valid and toss the rest.

7. Get your emotional affirmation away from the job. If you don't, you will be putting your equilibrium in the hands of others who may or may not have your best interests at heart.

8. Tell yourself the truth--that it would be nice, wonderful even, to get some positive feedback and personal attagirls on the job--but it may never happen, and you can do this job even without them.

How do I know this is the truth? I started my first acute care job eleven years after becoming a nurse (I did psych before that). Although the people I worked with were nice, for the most part, there were a few who were kind of snarky or distant. During my first year I made a couple of mistakes and was spoken to about them. I felt terrible. I felt even worse because nothing was ever said when you did things right or well. It felt very unbalanced, especially to someone who had not previously worked in acute care.

This was a battle that I waged in my spirit for several years. To this day, I still say it would have helped me tremendously to have someone soften the correction with something good, so that I would not feel like a trapdoor could open beneath me at any moment. But I learned to keep going and have now been on this unit for more than six years.

You do not need your co-workers' approval. You can get through this and accomplish your goals.

I wish you the best.

[Sensibility, BSN, RN]

I don't say that to be harsh, but to point out to you that you have to jettison this kind of defeatist attitude or you will never get beyond where you are now.

Probably true. It is hard to act beyond your own feelings sometimes.

She distanced herself from you? How? Your complaints about her sound mainly emotional. She wasn't there for you. She didn't give you a chance? A chance to what? Prove yourself to her? That isn't where your focus should be.

In this unit, people are allowed to complain about other people anonymously. That has been happening to me, which is part of the reason that I was written up. Some of these accusations are totally false. Others like the charting are things that our unit managers want to see. Everything was going fine until this one lady got the charge nurse on her side. Now they are both cold toward me and I don't know why.

You sound like a very nice person who is caught in the trap of being a people pleaser.

I have thought of that and am well aware of the fact that I'm doing it. OTOH, how do you not be this way? This hospital has several places of communicating expectations to their employees. They have their education department, the human resources department, the unit supervisors and our peers. Each of these areas has a perspective and none of them match apparently. All I'm trying to do is meet the expectations of those I'm working for, nothing else. I have no intention of being best buds with anyone outside of work. I just want to work together with them inside of work in a cordial manner. Our unit requires teamwork. So we have to be able to look to each other for help occasionally. I don't walk around with my emotions on my sleeve crying or happy. I smile at people but that is mostly just to be kind and nothing else.

In our hospital, they are trying to have a system where our preceptor is our friend and confidant. That has only worked slightly. One of them is an angel to me. I wish everyone was as kind and nice as she is.

Carry a small notebook in your pocket.

I like this idea. You might be right. Asking too many questions might be problematic. Maybe I should look for the answers by myself and only ask when I'm desperate. Thanks for the input!!!