I cried for the first time while on my shift today.

Published

I am new nurse working on a surgical floor. I'm in my 5th week of orientation and I have one more week of orientation. It's been times when I wanted to cry, because I've felt like a complete idiot. However, I would pull myself together and tell myself this is something that I always wanted and I can do this. Well today started pretty bad. First off, I had patient going to the or, I had a new admit, and a patient that was being d/c and had to get chemo by 9:00 and he we being very impatient. My preceptor was riding my back also. I tried to maintain my composure. I knew that the pt going to the or was precedent over the other two, so I tried to make sure everything was done that needed to be done. In the middle of doing that here comes my admission from ed, and my preceptor informing me that my admit was here. I'm trying get things in order, I have charts everywhere, doctors in my space, and I'm unable to get to my computer to print off papers that I need, and I still have 8 and 9 meds to pass. I felt the tears coming, and I told myselt to relax, and take deep breaths. My preceptor ask me one thing and I just started cry like a baby. She pulled me to the side and told me to calm down, that I was doing great job, and to don't let the nursing students who were also there see me cry. I guess I'm getting a little scared because I have one more week of orientation. After the cry, I felt really better. My preceptor told me I didn good waiting for the last week to cry, she said that she's trained nurses that have cried everyday. That really made me feel better. I've learned a really important lesson while on orientation, nursing takes a special kind of person , and if a person can make it as a nurse, they can make it at anything . Thank for letting me vent today.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.

It really does take a special person to be a nurse. You have to be able to do 25 things at once, and anticipate what you will need to do soon yet, but don't currently need to do...all the while showing compassion for your patients and their families and expecting the unexpected to happen at any time. You've made it this far, though, and stuck with it, so congratulations! I desperately wanted to quit my first semester of nursing school, but wouldn't let myself do it. I knew I wanted to be a NICU nurse, and I hated the adult surgical floor I was on my first semester. Things looked up for me as soon as I hit ob and got a short rotation through the NICU.

Anyway, I think we have all had days like that. I have, on several occasions, been blinking back tears at work because of being so overwhelmed by things to do (and I'm a NICU nurse with only 2-3 pts, but they can sure keep me busy). Luckily, so far I have managed to hold back the tears until I get in my car...but just remember bad days happen!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.

Oh, and being off orientation is definitely scary...but don't forget you are not without plenty of resources! I had my orientation split up, and took care of low-moderate risk patients for a couple of months before completing high risk orientation in December. I ask questions almost every shift, and I see a lot of the more experienced RNs asking plenty of questions as well. Good luck!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I know some days your head feels like it is spinning away. I found work alot better when I found out that there were people I worked with that were willing to help. Most of the time the nurses i work with do not even have to ask for help. its "hey you look busy what can i do to help." not to mention great unit secretarys that can print paperwork while you are busy. When I precepted I felt like I had to do everything for myself. do not forget there are some jobs that can be delegated.

keep up the good work.

melissa

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg.

I'm a preceptor and I guess I don't let go that much when there is that much going on. I hate that you were reduced to tears. You are still on orientation and I think the preceptor should have been there for you more, while gently letting you do the bulk of the work since time is running out. But I don't want to judge.

Anyway, realize you are a good nurse, and we all have days like those. That's too much for any one person to handle and you did a great job. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it off orientation.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.

My team leaders have been great about going around the unit and seeing who needs help with anything. Other nurses also are good about helping anyone who seems overwhelmed. One night this week we were expecting 6 new admissions, so everyone was pitching in to set up admission beds and suction equipment, O2, etc. The team leader was frantically trying to get things done, but dropped everything to help another nurse and me draw some lab from a baby who was a very hard stick and whose samples kept clotting (which would have been fine if we didn't need a CBC!).

Melissa, I also felt like I had to do everything myself when I was orientation. I felt bad when I had to ask my preceptor to do something for me, like it was showing that my time management skills weren't very good. But now I don't hesitate to ask someone to do something for me, or ask if there is something I can do for someone else. :-)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Melissa, I also felt like I had to do everything myself when I was orientation. I felt bad when I had to ask my preceptor to do something for me, like it was showing that my time management skills weren't very good. But now I don't hesitate to ask someone to do something for me, or ask if there is something I can do for someone else. :-)

exactly. you put that so much better than I did. I think when you are orientating you feel like they are judging everything you do so you have to do it all yourself. I also think some nurses who would normally offer to help may not do so because they think your preceptor is there for that, but are in most cases very willing to help if asked. When I orientated last year my preceptor and I had the same patients so when the chips were down we backed each other up.

When someone asks me for help whether it is the cna, secretary, or another nurse I cheerfully do it and these same people are always willing to help me in return.

melissa

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in NICU.
exactly. you put that so much better than I did. I think when you are orientating you feel like they are judging everything you do so you have to do it all yourself. I also think some nurses who would normally offer to help may not do so because they think your preceptor is there for that, but are in most cases very willing to help if asked. When I orientated last year my preceptor and I had the same patients so when the chips were down we backed each other up.

When someone asks me for help whether it is the cna, secretary, or another nurse I cheerfully do it and these same people are always willing to help me in return.

melissa

My preceptor and I had the same pts when I was orienting, and as I got better, I took on more of the load and she took on less, until I eventually had the full pt load. But even when I had the full load and had been on orientation for a couple of months, I still had times when something would happen and I'd need her help when I got overwhelmed. Now that I've been on my own for awhile, I realize that it's okay to get overwhelmed and ask for help, but when I was on orientation, I felt like I had something to prove, and tried not to ask for help as much as possible, especially toward the end of orientation. Plus, my preceptors kept telling me how great I was doing, and that I was managing my time really well, and I didn't want to look like less of a nurse if, for one or two shifts, I wasn't able to handle it on my own.

Sarah

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Progressive Care.

OMG, dont feel bad. Yesterday I cried too. My preceptor jinxed me by telling me oh, it's satuday, sat. is always slow.....yeah right. I had 4 patients (weare adult "progressive" care so a full load is 5). One of my pts was a 100 years old, literally, and had everything yesterday from chest pain to needing blood, oh yeah, and at 1700 when I went to empty her foley she had only put out200 cc since 0800. Top that off with the fact that my preceptor had to be off the floor for an hour and a half with me by myself and who shows up? Thefamily of tw pts, asking all kinds of questions that I was not prepared to answer, so I did the next best thing, I paged the Docs to come and talk to them. Thankfully we are a teaching hospital so there are always residents. But, I am desperately nervous about calling the Docs about anything because I might sound stupid. But the kicker that made me cry was that one of my pts was a n elderly confused pt who needed to be turned so I got one of the techs to help me and when we went to move her up with the draw sheet, I guess I picked her up a little too much and the tech kind of snapped at me. Tears immediately filled up my eyes. The pt said "Don't worry baby, you didnt hurt me." And let me tell you, that made me cry harder.

So at the end of the day I wanted to go home and die, but instead I went bowling with some other Gns who I graduated with and we played pool and ate fries and all was better. Because they were there for me and knew exactly what I was going through. I'm going to make it, and who says crying is a bad thing all the time?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I had been working as a nurse for 6 years when I was working in the ER. I had an elderly patient who was waiting to be transferred to the ICU. I had asked the nursing assistant to put the transport monitor on him, but she just put it in the room, the patient talked to her briefly. 30 minutes later the nurse who was doing the transport came in and went to see him and came out and said he was dead. I went in the room with the charge nurse and the doc and saw he had indeed passed away. I sat down on a stool and just cried, right in front of the doc and charge. Not because he had died, mind you, he had been very ill and appeared to have had an overdose of coumadin, bur because it had been a god awful night, and with his passing, there was just that much more to do. I have also cried in other situations, but this one will forever stand out in my mind, and I know there will be more. Hang in there. There is nothing wrong with crying, it is a great stress reliever.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med/Surge.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Some days your the statue and some days your the pigeons. That was a statue day sounds like. I am in now for 8 months and there are still days when I feel totally overwhelmed by all there is to do!! There are still times for me also when I feel the tears building up and I try really hard to choke them back but sometimes it doesn't work. The good thing is that I have some really wonderful team members who can spot when you are drowning and pitch in to help lighten the load. This happened to me yesterday as a matter of fact. The nurse that precepted me back when I started and the new nurse that I precepted helped me out by passing a.m. meds when I was stuck with a new admission that was unstable when sent to the floor. I think also that your preceptor should have pitched in when she saw how overwhelmed you were to help you out. Sometimes you just gotta cry and that's ok b/c I have seen the senior nurses on my floor do just the same when they were overwhelmed so I know I am not the only one who feels that way.

Best of luck on your next shift!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in L&D.
I know some days your head feels like it is spinning away. I found work alot better when I found out that there were people I worked with that were willing to help. Most of the time the nurses i work with do not even have to ask for help. its "hey you look busy what can i do to help." not to mention great unit secretarys that can print paperwork while you are busy. When I precepted I felt like I had to do everything for myself. do not forget there are some jobs that can be delegated.

keep up the good work.

melissa

Sounds like my floor Melissa. We're very lucky.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion