How to tell a friend she's not being a good nurse?

LydiaNN · Apr 11, 2005

Why isn't your supervisor on this? If she is putting patients in danger, she needs to be taken off the floor. It sounds like this has gone far past the point where she needs a friend to take her aside and have a word with her.

lpnstudentin2010, LPN · Apr 11, 2005

from a patients point of view, you need to tell her. if a nurse ever yelled at me i would just be plain terrified. my nurses have always been so awsome. i am 17 now and i still think that if a nurse yelled at me now i would probably cry. are you allowed to take time off at your facility? mabey she should see a therapest or phsycologist or phyciatrist dont know which one would be right to be honest. but you need to do something

live4today, RN · Apr 11, 2005

If you are good friends as you say you are, invite her to a quiet place outside of work where the two of you can talk privately about the things that you know are troubling her. She is a human being FIRST. Her occupation is "nurse". Don't forget that when dealing with others. She is a patient in many rights herself, and sometimes we need a "good friend" to pull us aside, give us a warm hug, and sincerety about what is going on in our lives. Sometimes being a good friend means forgetting about how it might affect ourselves, and put the other peson first in the equation no matter the outcome. If you are truly concerned about her, show her by acknowledging with her that she has a lot of stress factors in her life that are carrying over into her work. Let her know you will be a listening ear and offer her a caring heart. Your gentle but firm approach in getting her to talk about her situation with you will payoff when done in the spirit of love. She is crying for help. Help her in that way. I've been in her shoes before. I know. :)

humglum, BSN, RN · Apr 11, 2005

I agree with cheerfuldoer. I'd pull her aside and have a gentle conversation, maybe refer her to EAP for help with her anxiety or stress that she's dealing with right now. If that doesn't work, I might approach your manager. That's the way I think all units should deal with things, ideally. Nurse to nurse first, then manager to nurse. Helps undermine the punitive culture that sometimes exists on nursing units.

As I was reading this thread, I was thinking about all the patients I've had over the years that I would have liked to yell at, but didn't.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Apr 11, 2005

Her behavior isn't acceptable. Even if you weren't her friend, the chain of command needs to be involved. But I would first talk to her as she's a friend. She might take it better than you think if you approach it not as a criticism, but a concern.

Good luck.

simao pt · Apr 11, 2005

If you are good friends as you say you are, invite her to a quiet place outside of work where the two of you can talk privately about the things that you know are troubling her. She is a human being FIRST. Her occupation is "nurse". Don't forget that when dealing with others. She is a patient in many rights herself, and sometimes we need a "good friend" to pull us aside, give us a warm hug, and sincerety about what is going on in our lives. Sometimes being a good friend means forgetting about how it might affect ourselves, and put the other peson first in the equation no matter the outcome. If you are truly concerned about her, show her by acknowledging with her that she has a lot of stress factors in her life that are carrying over into her work. Let her know you will be a listening ear and offer her a caring heart. Your gentle but firm approach in getting her to talk about her situation with you will payoff when done in the spirit of love. She is crying for help. Help her in that way. I've been in her shoes before. I know. :)

Thanks, Cheerfuldoer, and all the others who posted replies.

Well, she doesn't keeps he problems to herself. In fact I already advised her not to talk about them to everybody, because not all person care for her. She really is crying for help. And... this is going to sound real bad, and it isn't as bad as it's going to sound, but... in Portugal raising the voice as talking to some patients isn't very uncommon. This does not mean we always yeal at our patients! But sometimes we are allowed to loose a bit of our patience. And we do have plenty of patience. Only happens sometimes. We would have to be really, really, really bad to get fired, or moved to a different floor, or be punished. And she's loosing her patience with some frequency, but many times it's only the tone of voice that gets more agressive. And she is techicaly very good.

Lawnurse · Apr 11, 2005

Thanks, Cheerfuldoer, and all the others who posted replies.
Well, she doesn't keeps he problems to herself. In fact I already advised her not to talk about them to everybody, because not all person care for her. She really is crying for help. And... this is going to sound real bad, and it isn't as bad as it's going to sound, but... in Portugal raising the voice as talking to some patients isn't very uncommon. This does not mean we always yeal at our patients! But sometimes we are allowed to loose a bit of our patience. And we do have plenty of patience. Only happens sometimes. We would have to be really, really, really bad to get fired, or moved to a different floor, or be punished. And she's loosing her patience with some frequency, but many times it's only the tone of voice that gets more agressive. And she is techicaly very good.

You first posted saying what a problem you have with this nurse's current mode of behavior, then you wrote a long post defending her and explaining away her actions. Do you want to help her or make excuses for her?

Tweety, BSN, RN · Apr 11, 2005

You first posted saying what a problem you have with this nurse's current mode of behavior, then you wrote a long post defending her and explaining away her actions. Do you want to help her or make excuses for her?

I think it's the process of being empathetic. Thus the conflict. Not everyone can jump into tough love. But the bottom line is it's not acceptable behavior for a profressional nurse.

It's great to have an understanding of where it's coming from, but for the poor patients who are getting yelled at for no reason, it's unacceptable and needs to stop.

mattsmom81 · Apr 11, 2005

Its nice that you care enough for her to reach out. If she's a drain on you and the unit, tell her that: and strongly suggest EAP or counseling. If her behavior continues to be a disruption to the unit and patient care is affected I would have to involve my manager however.

US nurses who witness patient abuse become liable if they do NOT report; that is why I would have to involve my manager. Yelling at patients in the US constitutes abuse. You sound like you're uncomfortable with her blowups, so it sounds like she has crossed a line of deportment in any country...on the job.

Nurses succumb to the same presures as the rest of the human race, and need help occasionally. It is sad but I know nurses who have refused to admit they need help, blow up on the job, and lose their jobs/careers despite well meaning friends who try to help. We can only do so much for others unfortunately.

live4today, RN · Apr 12, 2005

Thanks, Cheerfuldoer, and all the others who posted replies.
Well, she doesn't keeps he problems to herself. In fact I already advised her not to talk about them to everybody, because not all person care for her. She really is crying for help. And... this is going to sound real bad, and it isn't as bad as it's going to sound, but... in Portugal raising the voice as talking to some patients isn't very uncommon. This does not mean we always yeal at our patients! But sometimes we are allowed to loose a bit of our patience. And we do have plenty of patience. Only happens sometimes. We would have to be really, really, really bad to get fired, or moved to a different floor, or be punished. And she's loosing her patience with some frequency, but many times it's only the tone of voice that gets more agressive. And she is techicaly very good.

You are most welcome simao! :) Do what is right to do as a human being for your friend. Even if she weren't a friend, she's still a human being under a lot of stress, so offer her a listening ear, and an open mind so she can open up to you in less aggressive ways than it sounds like she is doing at work.

I believe that a peer should be told firsthand by another peer if they are going to report them to the nurse manager so they are not caught off guard. Respect each peer as an adult. Share peer to peer before involving a third party (another peer, nurse manager, etc.) This is the courteous way to try and help a peer who is showing signs of breakdown, etc. :)

I also understand you when you say your culture does things differently than our culture. We are very harsh on one another in the American culture. You are kind to want to help your friend. You are very intuitive to recognize she is stressed to the point of needing help. It is very thoughtful and kind of you to show concern about your friend or anyone for that matter. I'm glad your friend has you at this point. It's good that you are there for her. Give her the opportunity to embrace talking with you on a personal and private level alone separate from work. You already recognize that she is crying out for help. Then, after you spend private time listening and sharing what you see her doing on the job, and it doesn't help, ask her to go talk to the nurse manager perhaps for some much needed time off. When we are extremely troubled about something, our need to be heard and feel needed again supercedes our ability to listen to rational solutions to those behaviors we have yet to acknowledge.......such as her recognizing how she is coming across to her patients and/or co-workers. You see her need so clearly. Help her meet the need as best you can. My prayers will be with you both. :)