How to survive without a support system??

[joljenni]

Hello everyone! I have a question for those who have had negative people in their lives during nursing schooling. A little back story. I applied to different nursing school in Ontario, Canada. Hummed and hawed about what to pick because financially I can't afford any of it and need loans to cover all of it and made the choice to attend Mohawk/McMasters RPN course January 2015! I've read many posts and have a couple of friends who tell me it is a stressful (yet rewarding) course, and that a good support system is needed to manage. My question/problem is....what if you don't have a good support system?

I have worked my entire life. Military, factory etc. and could never afford school. I have a 92% average out of high school and excel academically. Unfortunately, my family was never well off and we lost our home so post secondary was not an option. I worked in the military to establish credit to be able to receive OSAP to pay for college. Now that I've gotten in my dad isn't happy for me. No one in my family has ever attended post secondary, half don't even graduate high school. Instead of being happy for me they either say it sounds like a lot of work, well we're doing fine without all that education, why not just live on your own and go back to school later?? I don't understand!? I worked my butt off for my grades, saved my money, went back to adult day school to take biology simply because I didn't take it in high school...and not one person supports me. I know this is kind of a rant, and I apologize if I come off as whiney...I just wish someone would be proud instead of question why I'd want to be a nurse. I'm afraid I'll hit a hard bump and need some support to find no one there.

So I guess my question is...What did you find helped you get through tough college times? I'm ecstatic and excited to achieve my dream! And I'm ready to prove everybody wrong! I would just like some coping mechanisms from those who also may not have had a great support system.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read my post and for any potential replies! :)

[PomMom65]

I am so sad that this is how it is for you. My advice is to continue to follow those dreams. It will be worth the stressful times you may have. Find a teacher at school that can be a mentor. Talk with us here. Take care of yourself, eat well, sleep etc. You can do this!

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I would just like some coping mechanisms from those who also may not have had a great support system.

Have you ever heard of the crabs-in-a-barrel tale? If not, here's a summary. Fishermen have no need to place lids on barrels that contain live crabs because they keep each other trapped. If one crab climbs to the top of the barrel with intentions to escape, the other crabs will pull it back to the bottom so they all suffer the same dismal fate.

Crab mentality is a powerful metaphor for human behavior regarding the response to another person's self-improvement goals. When one person in the family unit or social circle is trying to improve oneself through schooling, training, weight loss or otherwise, sometimes the others in this person's environment will say or do obstructionist things to try to keep the person down.

To the OP: I am from a family of origin that seems somewhat similar to yours. Few people have achieved an education beyond high school and a considerable number of high school dropouts are present. By the way, some of my relatives are fiercely anti-intellectual and will either shout down or second guess another person's choice to go/return to school.

I found that living on my own and serving as my own support system helped me get through the tough times. Also, to get along with a family who is plagued with the crab mentality, you must navigate the relationship by leaving some aspects of your life out of the equation. In other words, do not talk to them about school or your next major life change.

Good luck to you!

[SeattleJess]

Have you ever heard of the crabs-in-a-barrel tale? If not, here's a summary. Fishermen have no need to place lids on barrels that contain live crabs because they keep each other trapped. If one crab climbs to the top of the barrel with intentions to escape, the other crabs will pull it back to the bottom so they all suffer the same dismal fate.

Crab mentality is a powerful metaphor for human behavior regarding the response to another person's self-improvement goals. When one person in the family unit or social circle is trying to improve oneself through schooling, training, weight loss or otherwise, sometimes the others in this person's environment will say or do obstructionist things to try to keep the person down.

To the OP: I am from a family of origin that seems somewhat similar to yours. Few people have achieved an education beyond high school and a considerable number of high school dropouts are present. By the way, some of my relatives are fiercely anti-intellectual and will either shout down or second guess another person's choice to go/return to school.

I found that living on my own and serving as my own support system helped me get through the tough times. Also, to get along with a family who is plagued with the crab mentality, you must navigate the relationship by leaving some aspects of your life out of the equation. In other words, do not talk to them about school or your next major life change.

Good luck to you!

There is nothing like a parable to make a point. Thanks, Commuter. I agree and would add only, "Be patient and observant." Help will come. You will meet people who will support you.

I must say from my own experiences with negative people that it is VERY important to limit contact with them and when you can't avoid it, to maintain a guarded presence.

[duskyjewel]

I'm sorry your family is not supportive. Do you have good friends who can fulfill that support role when you need it? Friends are the family we choose for ourselves. :)

[chiandre]

I applaud you for knowing what you want and going for it.

If you believe in God, this is the time to put all your trust in him. You can get support from your church members and trusted friends and colleagues. Do not forget to be your own strong support. Tell yourself everyday that you want this and that you will succeed.

Good Luck!

[toonsis]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Honestly, you will find a tremendous support system at school. Not everyone, but most people at school will be in the same boat as you. During our student orientation, we actually discussed that not everyone has support at home. Find people right away at school. Even if you are not that talkative, try to branch out. We exchanged phone numbers in my clinical group on the first day, and have been texting. Because you are going through such stress together, they will understand, lean on your new family.

As for the rest of your family, I wish I had better advice. Pursue your dreams with gusto.

[duskyjewel]

This post made me think of these lyrics from Shinedown:

Tell my mother, tell my father

I've done the best I can

To make them realize

This is my life

I hope they understand

I'm not angry, I'm just saying

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Sometimes you have to succeed in spite of your family. I'm sorry that's the hand you were dealt.

[vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN]

Create your own support system. Like Commuter said, you, yourself are the best thing for you to rely on.

Secondly, create a support system. I had to create one when I was in school, because my husband left me and our 3 kids. My family sided with him. I made friends with other students, we networked in order to help eachother and we still do, as working nurses.

I had certain friends (not nurses) who I knew who were there for me, and I called on these supportive people when I needed to talk.