How to respond when residents say "I love you" (in a family way)

[Live.Love.Nurse.♡]

Hello, I have worked in LTC for about 2 years & I'm curious if anybody else has ever had this happen to them. I spend a lot of time with my residents. I maintain a professional nurse-patient relationship, making sure never to get too personal or cross the line. My residents all have a special place in my heart, but they remain my residents, I am careful not to consider them like my family or close friends. They always drilled it into us in nursing school "don't get attached!" which can be difficult for me sometimes because I enjoy spending time with residents and learning about their life. Recently, I've had two separate residents that when I leave their room, they say "Bye honey, love you!" Or something similar. I am always unsure how to respond because I know it is not appropriate to tell them I love them back. It has happened to other nurses on my unit as well, one nurse tells them she loves them back but the other nurse says she just smiles and sort of waves it off. I want them to know that I deeply care about them as my residents, but in a professional sense. What would be an appropriate response?

[RNBearColumbus, BSN]

Here are some (in my opinion) more neutral responses:

"Aww, aren't you sweet!"

"Aww. I think you're special too!"

"Aww.. You're gonna make me blush!"

"Aww.. Thank you!"

Etc.....

[amoLucia]

"Thank you. I think you're special too." This pretty much covers it for me altho I have difficulty understanding what the OP's concern is here when a pt fondly says "love you".

I mean they're not effusively calling "I love you' numerous times while trying to smother you with kisses and hugs while petting your hair and not letting your hand release, are they?

It's odd but I've noticed that recently I've begun to end conversations with family AND good friends with a 'love you' as I end the conversation or part company. Family is understandable, but my good friends are also included. Yes, I do care for them - it's not a family-type love but it is a deeper "I care for you" for someone more than just an acquaintance. Like I wouldn't say it to my next-door neighbor, but to an old co-worker girlfriend that I've kept close to 10 years post-job connection. Same for my dearest, closest childhood girlfriend from grammar school. I DO LOVE her like a third sister family member. And her sister I care for also.

A parting "love you" is not the same as an "I love you" to a parent, offspring, sibling, sig BF/GF interest.

There's an old poptune "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love ..." Maybe we DO need a little more love in today's crazy world. I think we really do. And maybe the older population esp feels the need. Who knows - maybe OP's real name is the same as a pt's beloved dtr. As a nurse, I've cared for some pts that meant a little bit more to me than others. I don't think I ever crossed the line. And that's covering a lot of time.

To OP - I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

Maybe it's because I'm getting to be the age of some of the residents but when they say an I love you, I tend to say it back-especially if they have dementia. It doesn't hurt anyone. It certainly doesn't cross the nurse/patient relationship line. People of all ages and cognitive function still want to hear an I love you.

[Jensmom7, BSN, RN]

Maybe it's because I'm getting to be the age of some of the residents but when they say an I love you, I tend to say it back-especially if they have dementia. It doesn't hurt anyone. It certainly doesn't cross the nurse/patient relationship line. People of all ages and cognitive function still want to hear an I love you.

One of the hallmarks of dementia is stereotypical responses to questions or situations.

They are basically hard wired responses, the answers we all give without thinking twice:

"How are you today?" "Fine, thank you, and you?"

"Goodbye Mrs. Smith, I'll see you later." "Goodby, Sally, love you."

It isn't that they don't mean anything, they're just what we automatically say.

As a Hospice nurse who has several patients with advanced dementia, I hear "I love you" a lot. I generally just smile and say it back, sometimes adding "You always make my day". No harm, no foul. No lines crossed, patient is comforted hearing familiar phrases. And comfort is ultimately our goal.

[apillarofsalt]

I agree with the last two posters--with altered cognition, you have to prioritise the patients well-being and self images. Certainly do only what makes you comfortable, but I don't think a simple ILY response is going to get you in hot water.

Love can mean a lot of different things; one of them is putting someone else's needs and comfort above our own. It's a humanitarian sort of love. In that sense, I love all my patients by choosing to work this career and doing my best to help them and support their well-being.

In short, the appropriate response is whatever one you're comfortable with. You're not abusing power or using this to manipulate anyone, and the fact that you reflected on it enough to question it shows you care about doing the right thing.

[amoLucia]

Love can mean a lot of different things; one of them is putting someone else's needs and comfort above our own. It's a humanitarian sort of love. In that sense, I love all my patients by choosing to work this career and doing my best to help them and support their well-being.

On a scale of 1 - 10, how much do you love ...?

I think this kind of explains how we respond to others, most esp those close to us. I don't think I"ve ever had a pt come close to a "5". Maybe my fondest pt a "4".

[ComeTogether, LPN]

I always say it back unless the patient is being inappropriate.

[walkingon, CNA, LPN]

I work in a memory care unit with all dementia patients. Management has stressed that we are to do all we can to make them feel safe and loved, so if they say it, so do I....usually because I really do.