How does one deal?

loriangel14, RN · May 16, 2015

That really is a game changer. You are longer the nurse. You are the family. I have a sister that is in poor health and I know that we going to be facing her passing within the next year. I think having the knowledge and experience that I have with death it will still be hard but at least I will have an idea what to expect. Sometimes all you can hope for is that they are kept as comfortable as possible. (((((hugs))))))

toomuchbaloney · May 19, 2015

I deal by falling back onto my support.

I pray and seek the peace of my God.

I love on my family and friends and let them love on me.

I go fishing or hiking or just into the wilderness.

I seek a path that represents the least potential for regrets later.

be good to yourself and good luck.

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · May 20, 2015

The word is in, the diagnosis is small cell carcinoma stage 4

Dammit. I hate being right

dkpfeil69 · May 23, 2015

So sorry you have to deal with this. When my parents were ill I just took comfort in being the family and letting them make their choices and being supportive like a lay person. I let the healthcare workers support me like I have supported others and always prayed for miracles because I know they do exist...

annie.rn · May 25, 2015

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. {{hugs}}

When my mother was on hospice and actively dying it helped to spend a lot of time at the bedside w/ her along w/ my two sisters and my brother (when he could emotionally handle it).

We reminisced, laughed, prayed and loved on our mom. We met all of her physical needs...bathing, repositioning, massaging, hairstyling and, of course, symptom management.

Although we are big fighters in our family, we managed to keep it together while in front of my mom. She was largely unconscious and she was dying from end stage dementia but we didn't want to take chances that she would hear us arguing.

My preschool age daughter was there much of the time. She loved to help w/ grandma's bath. She'd hand us things and then help put lotion on her hands and face and comb her hair. She never got to know my mom pre-dementia so this was special time for her. My mom, too, if she was aware of it at all.

Geez, I'm really rambling. This always happens when I start to think of my mom. ( AKA The Sweetest Woman on Earth.)

To answer your question more clearly: when it's your own family, try to take the nursing hat off as much as possible. Of course you'll have to be involved w/ the medical stuff and be her advocate. Also, you can help to explain things to your non-medical family members and to your mom.

Outside of those roles, try to be "just" her daughter as much as possible. Love on her and get the most of the time you have left w/ her. My sister and I had to take FMLA leave in order to be with my mom during her last 3 weeks but I will never ever regret it. That time was so precious and it was satisfying to know that she experienced a "good" death.

I don't know what your relationship is w/ your mom. What I described may not be something that will work for you or your family. You have to do what's best for you and yours.

I thought I'd share my experience in case it might be helpful. If not, disregard :-)

Again, I am sorry about your mom. It's so hard to lose your mom. I miss mine every day!

Good luck to you :-)

K

midazoslam · May 30, 2015

Hugs to you. I'm sorry to hear this news, and no words can take away your pain. It is so bloody hard when it's one of your own, and logic and knowledge can elude us and we can feel so helpless. Surround yourself with those people you love, and the things that you love to help keep your mind as clear as possible... Remember it's OK to feel out of your depth.

I am thinking of you and yours, and sending you all strength throughout this difficult time.

Midazoslam.

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · May 31, 2015

Through first course of chemo.

She seems to be loosing weight fast..............

I have "that nagging feeling"......... I hope its wrong