How do I stop being so emotional as a new nurse?

[ModeratelyObscure]

New RN here since the beginning of this year. I started in LTC where I continue to work contract since I have started my new med surg position at a local hospital that I have been at for all of 2 weeks so far. So here’s my question, HOW do I stop being so damn emotional about every patient that touches my heart? In LTC I have caught myself having to go to the med room and cry multiple times. Not because of the stress of work, but because I am very empathetic and I feel like I take on every emotion of some of these clients. Especially now that I am on the med surg unit and seeing people from all walks of life, I have seen some crazy things and incredibly sad situations. Sometimes my eyes will even tear up when the patients are telling me things. Is this just part of being a new nurse and does it get better? If so, how do you straddle the line between having a thicker skin and being cold hearted? Help!! 

[JKL33]

Hello!

Interesting question.

Did you have an opportunity to discuss this at all during nursing school--perhaps at clinicals/post-conference or during mental health nursing or other occasions when the topic might have arisen?

I have a suggestion or two but I haven't experienced the situation you describe so I'm not sure how my ideas will translate. ? So before I decide what more to say, have you received any suggestions elsewhere and how do you feel about them?

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I'm not sure how much of what you're experiencing is due to being relatively new vs just your personality. I do not personally have experience with this type of situation, I generally find that there is a level of detachment between me and my patients. Not because I don't care about them as people, but because in order to provide care in the best way that I know how, I have to be able to separate myself and critically evaluate their medical situation. Do you have a good support system at work, is there someone you can talk with about what you're experiencing? You may just have to navigate your career while balancing your emotional responses, which I could foresee being a challenge and a strain on you. I hope that you can find a way to maintain your professional level of caring without becoming as personally drained by these patients and their experiences. Sorry I don't have anything more concrete, I wish you the best. 

[Davey Do]

We often emotionally connect ourselves with others in some kind of emotional pain. Their pain becomes our pain, which is sympathy and not empathy. As professionals, we need to be empathetic but not sympathetic.

 Luckily, time and repeated exposure often desensitizes us to the point of being needlessly sympathetic and allows productive empathy to take the foreground. There are those who sensitization causes to be less empathetic and apathy takes the lead, which can result in burnout.

However, the needless incessant emotional pain of sympathy can also lead to burnout, and we cannot get past our feelings in order to productively function.

When excessive emotions become a problem to the point it inhibits our abilities to adequately function- much in the same way excessive alcohol impairs our abilities- we need to work a program.

Working a program is admitting we have a problem dealing with our emotions and following established recovery guidelines every day, all day long. Such a program is the Emotions Anonymous 12 step program.

I can say first hand that working a program has helped me deal with my emotions.

Good luck and the very best to you, MostlyObscure.

[Lusashi, BSN, RN]

My two cents is that this is not a bad thing, unless it interferes with your critical thinking and/or ability to provide safe care. Your heart is open enough to bear witness to the beauty and pain of the human condition; I think that’s lovely. I for one consider it a great honor to cry with my patients, and I know they appreciate it too.

Something that helps me, if I feel I am getting too caught up in an emotional situation, is to express gratitude to the patient, e.g. “thank you for the privilege of allowing me to care for you today”, “let’s keep taking this one day at a time”, “your care team is behind you 100%”, “it’s an honor to walk this journey with you”, etc. It’s not usually possible to do this during a med pass, assessment, etc., but I will do this toward the end of a shift. It makes me feel like I did something proactive/useful with my emotions, is a great release, and acts as sort of a ritual that allows me to leave the “heaviness” there instead of carrying it home. 

I know it’s not easy to be a sensitive person. The upside, though, is you will experience hope, joy, and redemption along with your patient as well. You can “own” your sensitivity if you can find ways to harness it productively. If you are truly disturbed by your emotionality and sense you need stronger boundaries, then maybe seeking mental health resources is best. I look forward to hearing how things progress for you!

[bijoutRN, ADN, BSN, LPN, RN]

Hey there fellow Empath!

I understand what you’re going through 100% however, I wasn’t as aware as you are of the term Empath during my nursing career until it was “too late”. I ended up leaving after 7 years due to burn out and being emotionally drained. It didn’t help that I was oblivious at the time to what was happening and I had a very challenging time trying to articulate my experiences on a daily basis. No one understood what I was experiencing and basically wrote me off as a mental case. I had to learn the “hard” way and figure it out by myself. Fortunately, I found the light although at the time I saw no end to my emotional pain and suffering. Everything really does happen for a reason because as a result I am now a Spiritual Healer and Transformational Coach for Empaths. I still have the privilege of helping people heal just in a much more aligned way at this point in my life. Highly empathic nurses are some of my favorite clients because I am you. I would recommend that you do some research on “Being an Empath”. You’ll need to learn some tools to learn how to navigate through daily life as an energetic sponge. Feel free to message me for support. Self care is your best friend! Listen you your body. 

[nurse elaine]

That is such a great question!  After 32 years of nursing, I still tear up sometimes.  I think it is a sign of having compassion.  It is easier for me now than when I was a younger, newer nurse, but I am a crier anyhow.  

A couple of things that have helped me are

Don't pressure yourself to be someone else.  You are tender-hearted, and that is a good thing.  But also be confident that you have what it takes to push through those emotional moments, because you are stronger than you think you are.  You can almost think of it like if a child gets hurt and the adult taking care of them starts getting emotional, then the child freaks out.  So that adult keeps calm for the moment (even if later on they have a major cry-fest).  In the same way, think about being calm and collected as the best way you can help the patient at that moment.  If you have to step away, make an excuse to use the bathroom or get a supply, etc.  Talk to yourself, take a few deep breaths, or get a quick pep talk from a coworker.  

Remember that your being too sad or relating too much does not take away the pain of your patient.  I don't know if that makes sense, but I used to take on the sadness of others to the point where it almost made me sick.  My coworker told me that I would have times in my life where I would face my own sadness, and that I couldn't take on that same level of emotion and be healthy.  I don't know why, but that really helped me.  I realized that my feeling really sad does not take away the sadness of someone else, but it would drain me of any reserve that I needed for my own life/family.  

Make sure you have time to de-brief after a difficult situation.  Nurses often stuff their feelings due to lack of time or ability to process their own feelings.  Most of the time, that is not our fault, and there is little support for nurses to handle their own feelings and grief.  I worked in hospice for about 14 years, and I know on a personal level how unhealthy this is.  Take time for yourself!

And, you will learn and grow as you have more experience. 

Sounds like you are a great nurse.  Stay that way.  

 

 

[Blatant Shannon]

It does get better. You'll see the same scenarios over and over. It takes time to adjust to the hospital setting, it does get better. Learn what makes you happy and able to cope with the grief you see at work and do that. Some peeps try to leave it at the door, sort of speak. Some exercise. Whatever it is, get to it.