How did you handle your first patient dying?

AlaBro2010 · Oct 28, 2012

My first death was as a student nurse. I saw a mom give birth to a full term stillborn on my FIRST day in the L&D unit. I always dreamed of becoming a L&D nurse so it was a huge reminder of the happy and sad events in L&D. It was so so hard not to cry while she was giving birth, I had to force myself to distract my mind long enough to not bawl my eyes out. It made me hug my little girl a little tighter when I got home and it affected me emotionally for a few days afterwards. The whole experience at the time was so sad yet the care she received from doctors and nurses left me so angry I mostly was fuming for a few days. Our clinical group (in another unit) also found out after we left, a pt waiting for an organ transplant had passed (such a vibrant and hopeful soul). Even though I wasn't there physically, I cried at home.

monkeybug · Oct 29, 2012

My first death was as a student nurse. I saw a mom give birth to a full term stillborn on my FIRST day in the L&D unit. I always dreamed of becoming a L&D nurse so it was a huge reminder of the happy and sad events in L&D. It was so so hard not to cry while she was giving birth, I had to force myself to distract my mind long enough to not bawl my eyes out. It made me hug my little girl a little tighter when I got home and it affected me emotionally for a few days afterwards. The whole experience at the time was so sad yet the care she received from doctors and nurses left me so angry I mostly was fuming for a few days. Our clinical group (in another unit) also found out after we left, a pt waiting for an organ transplant had passed (such a vibrant and hopeful soul). Even though I wasn't there physically, I cried at home.

I have seen some amazing reactions from nurses and doctors over the years to stillbirths, and some amazingly bad ones, too. It's a very, very difficult issue to deal with for Obstetricians and L&D nurses, and some of them simply cannot deal with it. One of the reasons I ended up taking care of so many of them over the years. I knew I couldn't make it better, but I sure as heck wanted to make sure it wasn't made worse.

VioletKaliLPN, LPN · Oct 29, 2012

My first patient death occurred while I was in the middle of morning med pass. We knew this resident was declining, but she seemed to have a sudden declination which is associated with impending death. During AM care she was noted to be very mottled, and quickly thereafter she began cheyne-stokes resps.

Family was called, but they had not returned the call or come into the facility.

What did I do? I held her hand, touched her shoulders, and I told her we were right here with her. I let her know we would not leave her side. I was holding her hand during her last breath.

Her family came in 8 minutes after her death, and they were very much comforted by the knowledge that I did not leave her alone..that she did not die alone.

It was not a negative experience for me.

pkateRN · Oct 30, 2012

My first as a RN was last week. I took care of a gentleman who fought in WWII next to general mcarthur. he was holding on so hard, he had so much anxiety about dying. all the anxiety complicated his breathing and pain. when he finally passed, I breathed a sigh of relief for him.

my first as a student nurse was hard. I was working ER, doing chest compressions on a guy who coded after he got there. he didn't make it. it was rough because I was pounding so hard on his chest trying to save him. I also had to do post mortem care for the first time and drop him off at the morgue. the morgue still makes me queasy.

guest239592 · Oct 31, 2012

My first patient death was the summer after my junior year in nursing school when I was a Summer III intern at Mayo Clinic in one of their ICUs. The pt was in septic shock admitted from the floor, fairly young, and within 2 hours of being admitted into the ICU went into V-Tach and died. It was my first time ever doing CPR on a real person and the emotions were heightened as her children (about my age at the time) were outside the room screaming to save their mother.

This all happened at the start of our 12 hour shift, and after the family had their time with their loved one, and we did her final bath and sent her to the morgue, we had to pick up another assignment. I had the next few days off, and the following day after I had slept (it was a night shift) I got up and just stared at the TV (which wasn't even on) for hours and couldn't move. Later that summer I had several more deaths occur on my shift, some comfort care, some codes.

Fast-Forward a few years when I got my first job as an RN in a high risk cardiovascular intensive care unit, and I can't even tell you how many times I've done CPR on people or been involved in comfort care, too much to count. Saying that, as someone posted earlier, it does get easier over time and there will be some that will stick with you for whatever reason (extraordinary circumstances, connections with the patient and or family etc).

I personally believe codes are much more traumatic for all involved than comfort care. In fact, providing comfort care was one of my favorite parts of my job in the ICU not because I wanted to see people die, but because I was given the honor and privilege of being involved during a very intimate moment in a family's life. Many families probably don't remember my name or even what I look like, but I can promise they will remember my actions, whether good or not. It's an amazing responsibility to guide a patient and family through the process of dying, something I very much miss in my new role in anesthesia school.

My advise, find a hobby outside of work (I'm a runner and that was a great way to release some energy). If you have co-workers that you're friends with outside of work, they can be a great source of support because your own non-medical family and friends will try to empathize, but they can never really know what you're going through. Finally, most hospitals have free counseling services you can use and if not, every hospital has chaplains who can be a great source of support whether you are religious or not. I almost utilized them one week when I had 3 days in a row of patient deaths (4th day was a cake assignment though which I needed!)

Best of luck in your new career. Nursing is the hardest job I've ever had, but we're able to do things in our work that make a true difference in people's lives, if even in a small way, every day.

merrywhiterose · Oct 31, 2012

It's normal to get emotional when someone dies. It does get easier with time, though. But certain patients will still bring your emotions out.

merrywhiterose · Oct 31, 2012

My first death I was asked by an LPN to verify death. The man had been suffering from Parkinson's for years. The small room was full of family waiting for my answer as I listened for a heartbeat, breathing, etc. I could feel this man's skin already turning cold & stiff. I turned around & told the family, "I'm sorry, he's gone". I think it was more of a relief that his suffering was gone. I've seen several deaths since then. One was a quadraplegic suffering from Congestive Heart Failure. He was on palliative care when his vital signs started dropping. I called his only family member--his sister--& she said to let her know when the funeral was. So I called his best friend. When he came in, I told him to hold his hand & talk to him. The patient took his last breath while his best friend talked about their good 'ole hunting times (before he was a quadraplegic). After his best friend had alone time with him, I had the staff that had been there all those years with him to come in if they wanted to say good-bye. Everyone came in & formed a circle around his bed & said good-bye & stated how they'd miss him. Nobody claimed the body at the funeral home (for expenses) so his body was donated to science.

travduck, BSN, RN, CNM · Nov 1, 2012

My first death was "Freddy" virtually uncommunicative verbally but always with the biggest smile tht I had ever seen then and since. He died and I took him to the morgue room - but forgot some of his possessions, when I went back he sat up, scaring me so bad they heard my scream on the third flood. We went back up but he died again 3 days later. The experience changed how I thought of death. Since then I've attended multiple dying patients, including newborns. I cope with those I was close to or got under my barriers with poetry, and with the others by knowing that I did the best I could in the circumstances and consoling those left behind. You never get to where someone can't sneak under the "professional" barriers we are forced and expected to erect. Thats whats human in us. Some unfortunately are not felt. One of my last dying persons that I sat with was an 8 years old killed in a driveby shooting. Again a life direction changer, learning that I couldn't answer her "why".