How do you deal with it?

[StrwbryblndRN]

I am a new grad as of May 2007. I have already passed the NCLEX and currently doing orientation on a med surg floor. I am six weeks in and finding I am loving nursing as a profession. Charting is tedious though. But I love to take care of patients. So the hard part is dealing with the the loss of quality of life.

Let me explain further. Many of my patients have been in good spirits. Since alot are post surgical observation patients. Others have a wonderful support system in place. Then there are the patients who feel helpless and have not come to terms with their change in life's status.

Examples: (some details changed) Man lost his wife 2 years ago on same floor he is on. They were married over 50 years and just one week prior to admission sold their house they raised their family for over 40 years. He is very sad and tells his story to everyone.

One woman has wound on back of her head that will not heal and no one knows what it is. It just gets bigger. Swelling is so bad she can't see out her eyes. Doctors are perplexed.

You know how the stories go. I know everyone has seen it. Death is not the problem. There is relief there. It is the living in perpetual agony with no sign of relief even after discharge that breaks my heart. I can't begin to explain how I feel.

All these patients were young once and led a life at one time like any of us. They were children that were healthy. We all could be

elderly and ill and lose our ability to live life too.

How does everyone take it. I do not want to change professions. But it is very hard to come home and not think about how so and so has been dealing with their illness or possible impending death.

The hardest part of being a nurse for me is the emotional drain.

What keeps you going without breaking down. Do you have an outlet to help you deal?

Words of wisdom or humor would be greatly appreciated.

[Imafloat, BSN, RN]

I think that what you are feeling is part of the process. I think that is part of being a new nurse, learning to seperate from the sadness. I am working towards the end of my first year and the patient situations are sometimes sad, and I feel bad, but I don't take it home with me. I almost quit my job over the sadness when I was about 2 months in. Stick with it and things will get better. You are a compassionate person, that is why you feel this way.

[GeminiTwinRN, BSN]

Personally, I deal with it by knowing that I did the best I could for each patient (even if it wasn't "enough" by my standards!) under the conditions we work in. (staffing, acuity, etc)

You sound like you are a compassionate person. The only words of wisdom I can offer are that you will come to appreciate the people you are able to help and actually see them on the road to recovery. The other peeps, the ones whose lives have been altered in a way that you cannot change, you just do what you can to make their stay easier and do the best you can.

Eventually that will be enough. We need you to stay in the profession, and you do say that you love it. Thank you for choosing to join us! :)

[al7139, ASN, RN]

Hello,

I am a new nurse too. I work on a telemetry/medicine unit. We see very sick patients all the time. Some are elderly, and know their life is nearing the end, some are younger, and are terrified by the changes in their health. I have found it very difficult to separate myself emotionally from my patients. I am a person who wears my emotions on my sleeve, and if I am upset, it shows. I have found that most patients and families that I work with appreciate that I show my emotions, and can develop a bond with them instead of being "professionally detatched." I think that because I am a compassionate and empathetic person, it makes me a better nurse. On the other hand, it can sometimes be very draining on me. I am very lucky to have a fiancee who I can share my feelings with about a hard day, and a unit manager who totally gets the way I am and how I relate to my patients. I never have a problem giving hugs, grieving with the family, and letting them know how sorry I am for their loss. I do go home some nights and cry, but I also feel that it is beneficial to the patient and family to show that I really do care.

Change in quality of life is difficult to take, especially if you know you are discharging someone to go home and die a lingering suffering death. I try to remember that while they were in my care, I did everything that I could to ease their pain and make things better for them. We are lucky at my hospital to have a great palliative care team and a hospice team that works with the families and the pt to make their last days easier. It really is worth it to me when I hear the thanks that I get from the pts and families...Then I know that I made a difference, even for a short time, and I can be proud of my work.

Amy

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

As others have stated, do your best. Our best changes depending on circumstances and how we are feeling. Your best when you are irritable, sad or sick may be different than when you are at your optimal. But, try your best. It is important to try and separate from those feelings of connection with the patients because you may take on some of their traits. Remember while in school where most students suddenly think that they have every disease under the sun? I thought I had multiple sclerosis, uterine cancer and thought I was bipolar. I worked in a hospital as an aide for many years, so, I did learn to seperate, but it happened again once I began to actually comprehend the disease process and the total impact on the patient, their families, finances and such. I do what I can, but I can't break down or there will be one less nurse to care for them.

I do feel that the quality of my own life has decreased. I am irritable, do not want to be around people, too tired to clean my house and have become a hermit in order to gain energy to make it through the next day. But, then, that alone time allows me to escape. I listen to nice music, read books that allow me to escape and I am a television and allnurses.com addict. Reading and commuicating with others that feel the same as me helps a great deal. Also, I have a supportive husband. If it weren't for him, I probably would not have made it this far.

[deeDawntee, RN]

Your post speaks volumes about your caring, concern and compassion for your patients. It is a normal part of nursing to find a way to express compassion without it draining you. See if you can connect with your patients in an empowering way for both of you. Pity for them will not help them. Feeling unconditional support and connection with you will. Their family and friends are also feeling loss and other complex emotions so they can't be fully present for the patient either in most cases. Sometimes you are the only "sane" one in a bad situation. You need to connect with the person but not the drama and trauma. I don't know how else to say it. Does this make sense?