How to deal with this resident

[DreamyEyes]

I work at an ALF, and I've been working there for the past 3 years. We have a particualar resident who I never had a problem with, and I always thought she liked me because she was very nice to me and seemed happy anytime I would come in her room to get her ready for bed, etc. I had noticed for awhile that she would talk about other aides when I was in the room, saying stuff like "So and so doesn't clean me good enough" or "She/he is lazy and doesn't do their job right." I would ignore it at first because she's always been into gossip (she knows stuff that she shouldn't, esp. when it comes to other reisdents, but that's whole other story entirely), but after awhile it started to bother me. She also VERY particular about the way things are done, and expects you to be there right away as soon as you press your call button.

I just found out a couple days ago, from another aide, that she is now badmouthing me. When the other aide entered her room, she said "Oh good it's you, can you put me to bed? That other aide (me) rushes me too much." (Which is NOT true. When I put her to bed, I am in there for at LEAST 30 minutes, getting her iced water, getting her tv remote, pulling down her blinds just the right way, putting away clothes for her, etc etc.) She also said to the aide that same night, " ****(me) didn't clean me good enough, so I smell."(again....untrue) So the other aide said "Hmmm ok...did you want me to clean you again?" and she said "Oh yes, could you please?"....But the funny thing is, she will say the SAME stuff to me about the other aides!

I'm starting to realize more & more that she can be very manipulative, and I know that I shouldn't take this to heart too much, but it really hurts my feelings that she's saying these things. Although we are always crazy busy at my facility (we never have enough help...surprise, surprise)... I always try to provide the best care to my residents and I work my butt off all night.

Management already knows how she can be, so I'm not sure if approaching them would be the best solution.. especially because they've been known in the past to just ignore issues when other nurses or aides have approached them with a problem. Any other suggestions? Should I just do my job & take of her the best I can and try not to be too friendly with her? (she does not have dementia or any known psych issues, by the way)

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

Wow... if the person I'm thinking of was still alive I would have to assume you and i worked in the same place.

I know a lot of residents who do that sort of thing though, and the best thing to do is just ignore it. I know it hurts that she's talking behind your back, but try not to take it personally, because it's really not. Chances are, she really does like you. Letting it roll off your back is easier said than done, I know, but you're right- this person is manipulative. Playing everybody off each other is a way for her to entertain herself and get special treatment. There's nothing more to it. The resident that this post brought to my mind did the exact same thing and I remember being kind of insulted at first but eventually it was just laughable and NOT worth getting upset about. When she complains about other people just say "Oh yeah I know that person is aggravating" and change the subject. Complain about how your cat crapped on the carpet or something. If it's something negative she'll probably eat that right up.

[Intern67]

I know that I shouldn't take this to heart too much, but it really hurts my feelings that she's saying these things.

Those two sentences don't go very well together.

I've had this same situation happen a few times. I deal with it in a couple different ways:

1. Completely ignore it. The vast majority of times the resident is simply unable to help it.

2. During work or cares, ask the resident about his/her behavior in a calm and non accusatory manner. Use open ended questions. What is important here is not what you say, but HOW you say it. It helps set an example or provide a tone for your future interactions. Do NOT let the discussion escalate emotionally and if it does, walk away. This means that you have to have a good knowledge of and control over your own feelings before you even start.

If the resident is unwilling or unable to discuss what is bothering them, I use Option 1 and move on.

[LocoStrange]

If its a well known fact with this patient, I would just ignore it. If your coworkers, nurses, etc knew that there was a true problem with you, then Im sure someone would have talked to you about it by now. Since no one really has, then there is nothing wrong with what you do and its just a typical psych patient whose confused.

[~Belle~]

I just had a similar situation. I took care of a female with a rt shoulder fracture and cellulitus in the lt wrist, so she "couldn't do anything"... She refused to help us roll her, would not use the bedpan, and was constantly on the call light. The day she was transferred to a SNF, her daughter went to the house and floor supervisors and filed greivences against EVERYONE, saying that we didn't change her diaper frequently enough, we ignored her calls (for a while she claimed she didn't even have strength to push the call bell, so we had to stay near her room incase she yelled for us). I know she was truly ill, but she definately was playing up the helpless factor when the daughter was around... The pt also said that she went 7 hrs one night before anyone came into the room to change her. I know the tech and nurse that were on shift would NOT do that. They are dedicated to pt care. To top it off, an hour or so after the pt daughter had put in the complaint, the medics came to transfer her, and they both had the audasity to thank the nurse and I for taking such good care of her... Then why'd you complain?!?!

We were frustrated, but some people complain no matter what you do. You have to just suck it up, put a smile on your face, and move on. If your DON isn't questioning you about pt care, don't stress over it. And, don't engage the pt in "badmouthing" the other techs. I simply appologize that the pt feels she wasn't cared for properly and drop the subject.

[CrazierThanYou]

I, too, have a resident that sounds like yours. I work in a small, privately owned ALF and there is only one of us working at a time. This particular resident tells me that another CNA is stealing food, she never does any cleaning, sits around reading all the time, etc. I was telling the supervisor about it and she said "Oh she says the same things about you." I was stunned because this particular residents spends a lot of time kissing my butt and talking about how much she likes me, I'm such a great cook, etc. I mean the supervisor and administrator know she is lying, after all, if I wasn't doing my job, they would know when they come into work after me. The other day, the supervisor told me that this resident said "I just don't know what it is about her (me), but I just don't like her". I have to say, it does hurt my feelings just a little but whatever.

This resident is younger than the rest and really doesn't belong in our facility. She would be better suited to a drug rehab or management facility. She is very jealous of the other residents and is very manipulative in trying to get her way. She will ask to do things that she knows is against the rules and I don't allow it so she may very well NOT like me. That's okay, I don't like her either.

[happy2learn]

I had something similar happen this week.

I had my CNA clinicals this week, 3 days. On the last day, I had the funniest, and nicest older lady. We sat with her at breakfast and she told us stories about her life. She pointed out pictures of her family on her walls. I thought we were having a good morning. We had advised her she was going to get a shower, however, we could not do the shower until our instructor (who she knew) was finished with another resident. I went out into the hall and got linens to make the bed and bath blankets for the shower. I told her what I was doing before I walked out. We picked out her clothes, cleaned her glasses, took away her food tray and documented it, emptied her catheter, cleaned her dentures, and got her shower supplies (shampoo & soap.) We had EVERYTHING ready, but were just waiting for the shower. My partner probably went out 3 times in an hour to check on our instructor and get an estimate for the shower time. The third time she went out, our resident was on the phone. I'm sitting next to her, pretty close mind you. I could hear her whisper to the person on the phone, "I don't think these aides know what they are doing. They are students. They keep staring at things and they keep going out into the hall and talking. I don't know what they are doing or when I am getting a shower."

Part of me wanted to give her a dirty look, I must admit. First, we told her everything we were doing, and since she has had students many times, she knows we have to wait on the instructor to do certain tasks. Second, we weren't staring at the walls, we were looking at pictures she was pointing out. Third, most residents enjoy the company and she seemed to also.

Anyways, I didn't give her a look, I just smiled. I remembered when we first met her in the morning, she had told us her niece was coming to visit. Then probably 5 minutes later, she told us the exact same story.

I don't think she meant anything she said. At the end of the day, she had tears in her eyes and she was hugging and kissing us when we said goodbye. I really just think it's a cognitive issue.

[Dorali, BSN, LPN, RN]

I could have written your post myself! I have given this resident special treatment, spend time I don't have visiting with her, etc. Treated her like I would my own grandmother, honestly.

Here lately, she has been saying she doesn't get her showers (we've had a shower aide for 3 weeks!) and blaming me because I was the only one giving them to her until we got the extra help. I know for a fact she has been getting them because I see her leave her room and come back with her hair wet. It's totally not an issue.

When I talked to my DON, she told me to just make sure I stayed on top of my charting. As long as it's documented then it's fine.

I have stopped taking so much time with her. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who's trying to get me in trouble.

Just do your job, do it right, and CYA. Take someone in the room with you if you can.