How do you cope with child abuse?

Published

My friends,

I sobbed today after reading in the paper about a mother in Texas who had CUT OFF her 10 month-old daughter's ARMS because she thought God wanted her to. HOW CAN PEOPLE DO THIS??????? That baby screamed, bled to death and suffered until the Lord took her home. I can't BELIEVE the things people do to innocent children. How do you cope with knowing a patient of yours is in a dangerously abusive situation? I am emotionally traumatized just from reading this newspaper article.

Specializes in Pediatric ER.
yup, and andrea yates (the woman who drowned her five children) has been granted a new trial also. i guess it all boils down to this debate: should the mentally ill be held accountable for their crimes?

yes, they should absolutely be held accountable for their crimes!!! in most trials their defense is that they couldn't judge right from wrong b/c of their mental illness. so, let's let them back out into society and wait for another situation to occur where once again their mental illness/inability to judge takes over and someone else is killed? my vote is no!!!! these people should (at the very least) be commited to high security mental hospitals.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatric Pulmonology and Allergy.
Uh huh....

I was an EMT a long time ago. I was written up a total of three times; in every case for being a little :uhoh3: ...... excessive :D in my "restraint" of an abusive parent. (Said restraint requiring an ER visit of their own.) :chair:

I hate to imagine what I'd have done to a molester. :eek: .

:smiley_ab

Now that's a story I'd love to hear!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in L&D.

We nurses could really come up with some creative punishments for these types of "parents." :devil:

I just want to tell these parents that if they can't love their kids enough to not hurt them, then give them to someone who will. Even if they become wards of the state and grow up without parents :crying2: , at least they GROW UP.

I know parenting can be very hard: I have a child who has severe ADHD, Oppositional/Defiant Disorder, and Turner's Syndrome. It is difficult! I have not always been the best example of a "good" parent, but I still could never imagine doing such a heinous thing to my child.

I, too, don't think I have what it takes to be a peds nurse. I REALLY admire those who do. I just couldn't stand to see the babies and children being hurt.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice, Med/Surg, ICU, ER.
:smiley_ab

Now that's a story I'd love to hear!

OK..... since you asked so nicely. :D

It was a Friday night, late, (ok... Saturday morning early... who's telling this story???) about 2:10 am, EMS got a direct call (not through 911) from a local convenience store, stating they had a young male "that needed to be seen". We had just left the ER from transporting a g/s wound to the thigh, and had no other calls waiting (and the location was enroute back to the station), so my partner and I rolled on it.

On arrival we saw the pt was a w/m approx 8 y/o, torn clothing, black eye, bloody shirt front (from a broken nose) and visible ecchymosis on his neck and arms, in the classic pattern of hands squeezing.... need I say more? Additionally, there was evidence of prior beatings on the pts back, buttocks, and on the back of his thighs. I asked the kid who had done this to him: he replied "my Mom's boyfriend". He was in no immediate danger; just chronic abuse and being treated like a punching bag.

Do I have to say that I started to slow-burn? :angryfire

Anyway.... called dispatch to have them roll the PD to take the statement, and to have CPS come to take the kid. As it was Friday night at bar-closing time, the PD would take about 20 mins to get to us. No problem..... (yeah right!) While we were waiting for the PD, I got some information from the Pt; his mom worked nights, leaving him at home with her beast-of-a-live-in-boyfriend (who did drugs and drank excessively; don't they all?) Here I am getting madder by the second, while trying to remain calm and soothing for my pt.

While talking to the youngster, I saw his eyes widen in terror - I turned to see what was up and saw a mid 20's w/m approaching. He began cursing and screaming at the kid, calling him the foulest names you can imagine. I made sure I stayed between the man and the boy; he was MY pt. and there was NO WAY I was going to let him be further harmed.

Anyway, this jerk kept screaming at the kid, telling him he'd better come home right now if he knew what was good for him... blah, blah, blah. If you've seen any movie where such is shown, you've seen this guy; he was a stereotype! More tatoos than teeth, slightly stoned/drunk, belligerent as all heck, etc. I told him that a) I knew he wasn't the child's legal guardian, b) I KNEW he had been abusive to him, and c) the police were enroute and that I would see to it that charges would be pressed against him.

Do I have to elaborate as to his reaction? He started to curse at me, then tried to push me out of the way to get to the kid. BIG MISTAKE! But, boy, was I sure glad he made it! :rotfl: I am a smaller fellow, so I had to learn from an early age how to defend myself. Anyway, this jerk and I went a few rounds; it ended with him requiring numerous sutures to his nose, lips, etc, as well as strapping up his ribs and a cast for his fx right r/u. He had multiple contusions to his shins, patellae, and I am SURE the more tender portions of his genitalia were quite sore for awhile. :D Me?? My knuckles didn't feel so good, :p and I had one heck of a mouse from a lucky punch I wasn't paying attention to.... (I was having too much fun!)

After d/c from the ER, the police took him off to jail. Eventually, he got 5 years for child abuse and assault/battery of a public official. Kid was taken from Mom and placed into foster care. He was eventually adopted by his grandparents (Mom had a history of drug abuse herself).

My supervisor "counselled" me regarding the need to just "restrain" offenders under such circumstances. I signed the write-up with a smile.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
OK..... since you asked so nicely. :D

It was a Friday night, late, (ok... Saturday morning early... who's telling this story???) about 2:10 am, EMS got a direct call (not through 911) from a local convenience store, stating they had a young male "that needed to be seen". We had just left the ER from transporting a g/s wound to the thigh, and had no other calls waiting (and the location was enroute back to the station), so my partner and I rolled on it.

On arrival we saw the pt was a w/m approx 8 y/o, torn clothing, black eye, bloody shirt front (from a broken nose) and visible ecchymosis on his neck and arms, in the classic pattern of hands squeezing.... need I say more? Additionally, there was evidence of prior beatings on the pts back, buttocks, and on the back of his thighs. I asked the kid who had done this to him: he replied "my Mom's boyfriend". He was in no immediate danger; just chronic abuse and being treated like a punching bag.

Do I have to say that I started to slow-burn? :angryfire

Anyway.... called dispatch to have them roll the PD to take the statement, and to have CPS come to take the kid. As it was Friday night at bar-closing time, the PD would take about 20 mins to get to us. No problem..... (yeah right!) While we were waiting for the PD, I got some information from the Pt; his mom worked nights, leaving him at home with her beast-of-a-live-in-boyfriend (who did drugs and drank excessively; don't they all?) Here I am getting madder by the second, while trying to remain calm and soothing for my pt.

While talking to the youngster, I saw his eyes widen in terror - I turned to see what was up and saw a mid 20's w/m approaching. He began cursing and screaming at the kid, calling him the foulest names you can imagine. I made sure I stayed between the man and the boy; he was MY pt. and there was NO WAY I was going to let him be further harmed.

Anyway, this jerk kept screaming at the kid, telling him he'd better come home right now if he knew what was good for him... blah, blah, blah. If you've seen any movie where such is shown, you've seen this guy; he was a stereotype! More tatoos than teeth, slightly stoned/drunk, belligerent as all heck, etc. I told him that a) I knew he wasn't the child's legal guardian, b) I KNEW he had been abusive to him, and c) the police were enroute and that I would see to it that charges would be pressed against him.

Do I have to elaborate as to his reaction? He started to curse at me, then tried to push me out of the way to get to the kid. BIG MISTAKE! But, boy, was I sure glad he made it! :rotfl: I am a smaller fellow, so I had to learn from an early age how to defend myself. Anyway, this jerk and I went a few rounds; it ended with him requiring numerous sutures to his nose, lips, etc, as well as strapping up his ribs and a cast for his fx right r/u. He had multiple contusions to his shins, patellae, and I am SURE the more tender portions of his genitalia were quite sore for awhile. :D Me?? My knuckles didn't feel so good, :p and I had one heck of a mouse from a lucky punch I wasn't paying attention to.... (I was having too much fun!)

After d/c from the ER, the police took him off to jail. Eventually, he got 5 years for child abuse and assault/battery of a public official. Kid was taken from Mom and placed into foster care. He was eventually adopted by his grandparents (Mom had a history of drug abuse herself).

My supervisor "counselled" me regarding the need to just "restrain" offenders under such circumstances. I signed the write-up with a smile.

A thousand thanks for a job well done.

I've been in a couple of situations where a woman was being abused by her husband/significant other (what a phrase) . . . . and had to rely on the police who unfortunately are stretched so thin that responding takes time. Being a girl, it is hard for me to do what you did but boy did I live vicariously through your story. :D

steph

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice, Med/Surg, ICU, ER.
A thousand thanks for a job well done.

I've been in a couple of situations where a woman was being abused by her husband/significant other (what a phrase) . . . . and had to rely on the police who unfortunately are stretched so thin that responding takes time. Being a girl, it is hard for me to do what you did but boy did I live vicariously through your story. :D

steph

You're welcome Steph, but it really didn't start out to be retribution. I am big on law and order and it really isn't our place as individuals to hand out punishment. HOWEVER..... the cops cannot be everywhere, and we MUST use existing laws that allow us to intervene in situations where harm is occurring to innocent parties. Having said all that, I did take some pleasure in doling out a small measure of what he had been serving that little kid!

In other situations (not as dramatic) I have taken the opportunity to deliver an elbow to the gut, etc., to a deserving abuser. In those cases it was more theraputic than punitive.:rotfl:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatric Pulmonology and Allergy.

:yelclap: WTG Clee!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I work ER in a rural area and thankfully we don't see a whole lot of abuse cases. I was involved in one in the last few years that like another poster said I couldn't stop thinking about what the child went through, and what happened on a daily basis to the poor little thing. It consumed my thoughts for a while. One of the things that stick with me is the "silent cry". The child was just old enough to walk, yet when crying would make no sound, just tears. I'll never forget having to put an IV in, and like with any other child I had an extra nurse to help me hold, and we were astonished that the child did not move, did not fight, did not even cry out or make a peep, just lay there with big fat tears rolling from the eyes. It was heartbreaking.

I vented to a close friend and co-workers about the situation, and I spent many a time just crying in private for this child. I've been called to court numerous times for custody hearings, to testify for Dept of Social Services to keep the parents from getting the child back. I've not seen the child since the initial ER visit, but unfortunately do see the parents from time to time in the ER. They have still not gone to criminal trial for this case.

One of the most comforting things a coworker said, is that while we do see sad and sometimes horrifying things, we are the healing presence in that childs moment of need. We stepped in and provided the first bit of love and comfort that that child had undoubtedly seen in a long while. We have the power to change things for the better. The child is out of that situation now, and is hopefully healing both physically, and mentally, and spiritually. That is one child death we will (hopefully) not ever have to read about in the paper. I hold fast to those thoughts. I am lucky that in this case, I can. My heart goes out to those children who did not make it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I work ER in a rural area and thankfully we don't see a whole lot of abuse cases. I was involved in one in the last few years that like another poster said I couldn't stop thinking about what the child went through, and what happened on a daily basis to the poor little thing. It consumed my thoughts for a while. One of the things that stick with me is the "silent cry". The child was just old enough to walk, yet when crying would make no sound, just tears. I'll never forget having to put an IV in, and like with any other child I had an extra nurse to help me hold, and we were astonished that the child did not move, did not fight, did not even cry out or make a peep, just lay there with big fat tears rolling from the eyes. It was heartbreaking.

I vented to a close friend and co-workers about the situation, and I spent many a time just crying in private for this child. I've been called to court numerous times for custody hearings, to testify for Dept of Social Services to keep the parents from getting the child back. I've not seen the child since the initial ER visit, but unfortunately do see the parents from time to time in the ER. They have still not gone to criminal trial for this case.

One of the most comforting things a coworker said, is that while we do see sad and sometimes horrifying things, we are the healing presence in that childs moment of need. We stepped in and provided the first bit of love and comfort that that child had undoubtedly seen in a long while. We have the power to change things for the better. The child is out of that situation now, and is hopefully healing both physically, and mentally, and spiritually. That is one child death we will (hopefully) not ever have to read about in the paper. I hold fast to those thoughts. I am lucky that in this case, I can. My heart goes out to those children who did not make it.

:icon_hug:

steph

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S, OB, Ortho, ICU, Diabetes, QA/PI.

for all of the reasons in the past posts in this thread, I couldn't work peds or ER - it was bad enough when I worked OB and had to send fresh clean beautiful babies home with scary people - I'd see those same kids later on when their mom had another baby and it was heartbreaking to see them with dirty faces and yucky clothes and chronically running noses............

and how come the boyfriend/stepfather abusers are always unemployed and mean and frustrated about whatever frustrates those losers and are then expected to babysit some defenseless child and the beating/death happens when the mother is at work? I have a hard time with women who pick some degenerate alcoholic druggie with no job over their own flesh and blood - I love my husband (and he is actually a better parent than me :p) but I've told him "If it ever came down to where I had to pick between you and the kids, you are sunk. No offense, but you're not blood and those kids actually grew inside of me........." and it just kills me that not all women are like that.........(however, I don't know why I'm ever surprised - it's not like child abuse is new and infanticide can be found way back in history - women missing that "maternal" gene thing is not a new thing - also, sad that animals can always be counted on to take care of their children and protect them from harm - maybe we're the real animals???)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in L&D.
ok..... since you asked so nicely. :D

it was a friday night, late, (ok... saturday morning early... who's telling this story???) about 2:10 am, ems got a direct call (not through 911) from a local convenience store, stating they had a young male "that needed to be seen". we had just left the er from transporting a g/s wound to the thigh, and had no other calls waiting (and the location was enroute back to the station), so my partner and i rolled on it.

on arrival we saw the pt was a w/m approx 8 y/o, torn clothing, black eye, bloody shirt front (from a broken nose) and visible ecchymosis on his neck and arms, in the classic pattern of hands squeezing.... need i say more? additionally, there was evidence of prior beatings on the pts back, buttocks, and on the back of his thighs. i asked the kid who had done this to him: he replied "my mom's boyfriend". he was in no immediate danger; just chronic abuse and being treated like a punching bag.

do i have to say that i started to slow-burn? :angryfire

anyway.... called dispatch to have them roll the pd to take the statement, and to have cps come to take the kid. as it was friday night at bar-closing time, the pd would take about 20 mins to get to us. no problem..... (yeah right!) while we were waiting for the pd, i got some information from the pt; his mom worked nights, leaving him at home with her beast-of-a-live-in-boyfriend (who did drugs and drank excessively; don't they all?) here i am getting madder by the second, while trying to remain calm and soothing for my pt.

while talking to the youngster, i saw his eyes widen in terror - i turned to see what was up and saw a mid 20's w/m approaching. he began cursing and screaming at the kid, calling him the foulest names you can imagine. i made sure i stayed between the man and the boy; he was my pt. and there was no way i was going to let him be further harmed.

anyway, this jerk kept screaming at the kid, telling him he'd better come home right now if he knew what was good for him... blah, blah, blah. if you've seen any movie where such is shown, you've seen this guy; he was a stereotype! more tatoos than teeth, slightly stoned/drunk, belligerent as all heck, etc. i told him that a) i knew he wasn't the child's legal guardian, b) i knew he had been abusive to him, and c) the police were enroute and that i would see to it that charges would be pressed against him.

do i have to elaborate as to his reaction? he started to curse at me, then tried to push me out of the way to get to the kid. big mistake! but, boy, was i sure glad he made it! :rotfl: i am a smaller fellow, so i had to learn from an early age how to defend myself. anyway, this jerk and i went a few rounds; it ended with him requiring numerous sutures to his nose, lips, etc, as well as strapping up his ribs and a cast for his fx right r/u. he had multiple contusions to his shins, patellae, and i am sure the more tender portions of his genitalia were quite sore for awhile. :D me?? my knuckles didn't feel so good, :p and i had one heck of a mouse from a lucky punch i wasn't paying attention to.... (i was having too much fun!)

after d/c from the er, the police took him off to jail. eventually, he got 5 years for child abuse and assault/battery of a public official. kid was taken from mom and placed into foster care. he was eventually adopted by his grandparents (mom had a history of drug abuse herself).

my supervisor "counselled" me regarding the need to just "restrain" offenders under such circumstances. i signed the write-up with a smile.

you are my hero!!!!!!:bowingpur

Up Vote Up Vote ×

One of the things that stick with me is the "silent cry". The child was just old enough to walk, yet when crying would make no sound, just tears. I'll never forget having to put an IV in, and like with any other child I had an extra nurse to help me hold, and we were astonished that the child did not move, did not fight, did not even cry out or make a peep, just lay there with big fat tears rolling from the eyes. It was heartbreaking.

This made me cry!!! I have seen a couple of OB pts who probably suffered YEARS of abuse and completely split off from the birth experience. They just pushed out the baby without any pain relief and without a peep. The first time I witnessed this the CNM told me this was classic for victims of severe sexual abuse. They can completely block out the pain because it is survival mode and they split off so they will not feel the pain.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion