How can i resolve this mess!

nyapa, RN · Sep 21, 2007

It sounds like you need to have a mediation session with your NUM, but with someone else present, like a representative of a union, so that it will be more objective. Go in there prepared to accept your mistakes, but don't let yourself be bullied.

Is there anyone else though, that could give you a reference when you leave?

Hope this helps

RN1989 · Sep 21, 2007

If you are planning to move and would only be a a new job for a few months it will look better if you do not try to get another job. Employers tend to frown on people who take a job and then quit a few months later - especially if the person knew that they were going to be moving prior to taking that position. If you can afford to not work, take the time to research jobs in your new town to find one that would be a good fit for you.

I do not know how things will work out as far as you being asked to leave your current job. You may want to ask the human resources department when you leave if you have been marked as 'not eligible for rehire'. If so, then this will definitely make it more difficult to get another job. But it is better to know up front what they are going to tell a prospective employer.

It would not hurt to ask if there are any colleagues that would write a letter of reference that you could send in with your resume and application.

You most likely will have some damage control to do. My guess is that unless the facility is desperate, it may be very difficult for you to obtain another job if your are marked as a no rehire. If you are marked as such, you probably will need to be upfront with your prospective employer. Explain that you made some poor choices and engaged in gossip which was harmful to the team. Emphasize that you realize that you made a mistake and have learned from it and that it will not happen again. You will then have to live up to your promise and will refrain from such childish acts as gossiping and writing notes about co-workers. It may help if you were to apologize to those persons that you have gossiped about. Let them know that you realize the error of your ways and that your behavior was unprofessional and you plan on changing your behavior immediately. You may also want to consider apologizing to your manager for causing discord in the team.

This is going to be very hard for you. And it will take a lot of courage to do the right thing and apologize. But it will go a long way in building your character and possibly keeping you in your chosen profession. Good luck with your career. In a few years this will not seem so awful. For now, chalk it up to another lesson learned do things differently next time.

woody62, RN · Sep 21, 2007

Hi i am only new here!.:welcome:
In my current employment i feel i have burnt my bridges....:angryfire
Firstly a colleague and i have expressed our frustration at the favoritsm in our ward.
We had felt for about 6 months we were victims of some colleagues making up stories and lies abut our conduct at work.
Because of this we have been labelled trouble makers, in our own lack of judgement we talked of some of our colleagues and were overheard.
So we started writing notes at the nurses station, this colleague of mine forgot to throw a note out.
It was found by our Nurse Unit Manager-she said it was 100% my handwriting i was caught. She said it best if i consider my future there in the ward by september 27.
Please help!
I am concerned of my future employment chances if she is asked for a reference regarding me will she blow any chance i have?.
It is time for a change i am moving towns in December so i might take the rest of 07 off and relax reflect.
I am a good nurse clinically, she knows that, i think they are threatened.
Please help! I feel right now, i will never get a nursing job again!.

Sorry about your problems. In the United States, an employer is somewhat limited as to what they can say. The most important question they can ask and be answered is, will they rehire you. If you were here, I amguessing they would say no. But you do have the opportunity to address this negative spot during your interview. I would very carefully explain there were problems but not go into too great a detail. I would put some of the blame on myself but also some on your old employer. And I would point out the opportunity that this has given you to grow. Sounds like a bunch of hog wash but it really helps.

Good luck

Woody:balloons:

RNcDreams · Sep 21, 2007

hmm... this is kind of tricky.

although i am new to nursing, i can answer this question as an outsider, objectively.

-first, see the lesson: if one feels threatened at work, it is not appropriate to begin writing notes. :nono:you are an adult and are too smart and too good of a nurse to be participating in this behavior. if you have issues in the workplace, you need to speak with the people you feel have issues with you, speak to your nurse manager, or ask your clinical nurse specialist(s) for strategies to diffuse the negativity.

-second, your current job cannot say anything except "yes" or "no" when asked if they would hire you. to the best of my knowledge, it may even be illegal for your current employer to say "well, she was passing notes." please ask other (more experienced) nurses about this, but i'm pretty sure that's how it goes.

-third, even though it will be uncomfortable, you need to make things right and leave on a positive note. i can't really figure out from your post if you're actually being fired or if you can resign.... that's your decision to make. either way, you need to leave knowing that you made an honest effort to rectify the situation and you were sincere and humble. apologies and non-argumentative explanations are worth a lot.

-lastly, experienced nurses are in too high of a demand for you to not get a job elsewhere. it seems that if you resign, it may be easier to say that you found the workplace toxic and you felt unsupported by management, etc. that way you can tell your interviewer you are seeking a positive, supportive work environment in which you'd be a positive team member.... and then fulfill that statement!!

hopefully that helps some...

what do others think?

good luck and stay positive

RN_InOZ · Sep 21, 2007

I have not been fired, i had told my nursing unit manager i was unhappy and was planning to leave late in the year, that was in August.

Now she has said she suggests i strongly consider going elsewhere.

I do have 2 colleagues who have worked with me my entire time in that ward 2.5 years, and both said they would be happy to provide reference for me.

I know what i did was not acceptable, but i now know next time any issue arises i must discuss it early to stop it.

Zookeeper3 · Sep 21, 2007

ok, you need or better yet you really have until your ready to move to make things right to the point that you can. You manager is not under any incentive to "tolerate" the gossip via letter writing because you yourself have labeled "short termer syndrome" on your forehead. I don't mean this in a nasty way, it's unfortunately hindsight 20/20.

Please consider setting up a meeting with the manager, tell her what you have learned, that you are trying to give her ample notice and wish to work it through, in a new positive light because you wish to get a good reference. Then ask her to forgive and forget the prior issues and let your future behavior speak for itself.

Not engaging in the complaining and gossip can be trying. After the time you've worked there, a good reference will strongly help you. Only you can take these steps to get it. Be the professional that you know how to be, the good references will come. We've all made mistakes and learned from them;)

RN_InOZ · Sep 21, 2007

I have 2 colleagues who said they would be references for me. Would future employees accept that?

Zookeeper3 · Sep 21, 2007

I have 2 colleagues who said they would be references for me. Would future employees accept that?

In the US, generally you will need two personal and two professional references. In my experience (13 yrs doing everything and many part time jobs with the full time ones), they never called the people on your resume, this past two years in the southern US they have been calling, and I've been references for others and they call every time.

so I think that there is a good amount of weight placed upon peer references. This would really help you in my neck of the woods, get references in writing too, incase you loose touch with these nurses.

Good luck

RN_InOZ · Sep 21, 2007

When i had this discussion with my Nursing Unit Manager, I did express my remorse and willingness to learn from my stupid error. She did not seem interested. Her response was she had heard i was constantly complaining i do not get any extra duties or acting positions, Which is not true at all. Knowing i am relocating, i had no interest in taking on another role.

This is part of the problem, the accusations of untruthful events.

I often wonder if she just does not like me, or if she feels threatened, i am older than her she is 28 with only 2 years of clinical nursing behind her, She reguraly in the past asked me how to do some of the most basic clinical skills.

ktwlpn, LPN · Sep 21, 2007

[quote=RN_InOZ;2411544Because of this we have been labelled trouble makers, in our own lack of judgement we talked of some of our colleagues and were overheard.

So we started writing notes at the nurses station, this colleague of mine forgot to throw a note out. :nono:

Hm-I last wrote notes like that when I was 12 yrs old...Do every thing you can to own your mistakes,learn from them and make ammends.Don't blame your misfortunes on the fact that your nurse manager is younger then you and has less experience and "may feel threatened" She may have been quizzing you on your skills-not asking you questions simply because she did not know what to do. You could be the best clinical nurse on any ward but if you are a trouble maker no one will keep you around.If you thought your co-workers were talking about you behind your back you should have confronted them at that time.Instead you blew it up into a major drama.Never say anything at work about anyone that you would not want to repeat to their face.You show great immaturity by concerning yourself with what is "fair" and what you perceive to be favoritism.When you work with someone for a few years you learn who you can count on-it may look like favoritism to you because you feel you are one of the best clinically.But that is not the only aspect of a good nurse and a valued member of a team...I know what you are going through-when I was young my mouth got me into trouble more then once-it's a hard lesson to learn..

ceecel.dee, MSN, RN · Sep 21, 2007

I think you must face those that you mocked or insulted (even if it was indirectly) and present yourself to the nurse manager, that you disrespected, with your heart-felt apologies. Make it known to her that you are facing the music, and that you know that you deserve her mistrust of you. Research seminars or courses on character building and/or leadership skills, and enroll. Let your nurse manager know the steps you are taking to resolve your admitted problem. She just might regain a bit of the respect for you she once had! All is not lost! The ball is in your court, and you will a better person for facing up to the challenge! Good luck!