Do your dying patient's have company?

Specialties Hospice

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It has been my experience that the dying are not alone. Unscientifically speaking, about 90% of the people I take care of tell me, near the end of their lives, that they've been visited by deceased loved ones, and sometimes by kindly strangers. This didn't matter if they were on opiods, didn't matter what they were dying from. Does any one have some experiences of unseen visitors that they'll never forget?

One I will remember fondly is M. She asked me, "Can I have a drink? Don't give any more to my dad, he's had enough already."

I asked her, "M., where are you?"

She said, "I'm at a party, at the Smiths'"

Good for her!!!

Originally posted by Disablednurse

My husband almost died this past July r/t having a build up of blood pressure meds in his body. He started counting and really scared me because I have seen some the elderly residents start doing that when they were dying. He had a blood pressure of 60 palpated and a heart rate of less than 12. He told me that he watched them take care of him as he saw himself laying there on the stretcher. Fortunately he made it, but he told me later that it was like watching the tv shows like ER, etc. He said that they really do things like that, throwing things on the floor, etc.

Almost every patient I have ever had in hospice has experienced or said to experience, someone in their past being near by. How can so many people be that wrong???/ I don't doubt it myself and families seem to find comfort when they realize it may not just be hallucinations....and they respond accordingly. What a beautiful thought indeed to think we may be escorted off this earth with a loved one or two!!!!

And the looking past you, like they see something real, I don't doubt that either. Seen it way too much!

My father died a little over a year ago at the age of 58. He died in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I had sat with him during the evening. Told him it was okay to go, that I would take care of the family like he had always done, that we would all be "okay". My mother took over at 2 a.m. He died at 2:30. In the morning, I called my father's cousin in Newfoundland. I needed someone to tell my grandmother (his mother) in her nursing home in St. John's. My father's cousin called back a few hours later and said that Grandma already knew, that she told her about it as soon as she walked in the room. Grandma said that my father appeared at the end of her bed. He was standing (for the last two years of his life, he had used a cane and then a wheelchair) and his face was "normal" (he had had multiple CVA's and had paralysis in several areas of his body including his face) and he told her that he had come to say goodbye. She said that this happened at 5 a.m., which would have been 2:30 a.m. in Manitoba. The nurses verified that my grandmother rang at 5 a.m. for a new box of tissue... she was crying and told them that her wee boy had died.

As a student I have had several dying patients. I assisted a classmate with one of her's last year. My classmate was freaked out because the patient kept talking to her "brother" who was standing in the corner. There was, of course, no one there - at least no one that we could see. The air in that corner of the room was cold even though that was where the vent was for the heating system. I asked the client about her brother. She said that Jim had always taken care of her when she was a little girl, that he had died in WWII when he was just a young man and she was still a teenager. She said that he started coming to "visit" the previous day and that he told her it was time to "get ready to go". I told her that was lucky to have a such a good brother to watch over her all of these years. She smiled and agreed. I continued to help my classmate with her patient, but she became less freaked out and more comfortable with the presence in the room. She died after we had left for the day.

What I HAVE noticed every time I was with someone who died was the smell of molasses cookies. Being with my maternal grandmother when she died (I was 18 at the time), the wonderful care of the nurses towards her and my family was a lot of what made me want to be a nurse. She always baked me molasses cookies when I was a girl. The first time it happened, I asked the nurse who was with me if she smelled anything and she said, "It's cookies straight out of the oven." We searched for the source of the smell but never found it. Now, I believe that our loved ones come to support us as well when we are with a dying patient.

Originally posted by Hellllllo Nurse

I was a nurse at a free-standing inpt hospice unit for four years. Yes, many of my pts had "company" during their last days and hours.

One even got a phone call from the "other side."

I posted about "the Phone Call From Beyond" on another site and won a prize for it. I will copy and paste it here, if anyone wants to read it.

Okay, here is the story I was referring to. This is true. I was there. All the names have been changed, of course.

****************************************************

Strange, but true story:

About five years ago, I was working nights as an LPN at an inpt. hospice unit. It was a quiet night, I was in with "Gladys" and her family. Gladys was quietly actively dying, and her son "Bill" and daughter-in-law "Sue" were with her. I heard the phone ring at the desk. My CNA "Mary", answered it, took a message and met me in the hallway. She said "That was a weird call. It was some guy named "Harry." He said to tell Gladys that he'll be here for her in a half hour."

I walked back to the patient's room and relayed the message to Bill, Sue and Gladys. Gladys was non-responsive, so I leaned over and spoke the message quietly in her ear. The message didn't make sense to me, but I figured the family would know what is was about. Bill and Sue didn't say anything, but they gave me a funny look. I went back to the desk.

A couple minutes later, Bill and Sue came to the desk. Sue said "Are you sure the caller's name was Harry? The only Harry we know is Gladys' husband, and he's been dead for five years." Mary was sitting there, and read from the message log, confirming the message.

Bill said "That doesn't make any sense." Then he and Sue went back to Gladys' room. A little while later, Sue came to tell me that Gladys was not breathing. I went to check. She breathed two more times, and stopped. I assessed for signs of life, and wrote down the time of death and called the Charge Nurse, who confirmed it. When we checked, we saw that Gladys' time of death was oner half hour TO THE MINUTE from the time that Harry called. Mary said that his voice had had an echoing, staticy quality to it. Was it really Gladys' dead husband calling to let everyone know her time was at hand? Who knows!?

We all talked about that incident for a long time after that. -

contributed by: ME

:D

Wow, that is weird!

Yesterday at clinical on the Senior Care unit at the hospital, the night shift charge nurse told us about a patient that had died very recently. She said that in the last half hour the patient was completely unresponsive to the nurses, but kept staring at an upper corner of the room. Then all of a sudden she smiled, then died. The nurse was convinced that the patient was accompanied by "someone" that only the patient could see.

Specializes in Geri and adult psych, hospice.

Wow, what a beautifully spiritual thread. This is exactly why I want to be a nurse. Both my grandmother and my aunt passed away a few years ago (different times.) A day before my grandma passed (Nano, I called her:)) she began to speak of her mother and had a far off peaceful look in her eyes. My nano was a spiritual woman, and I know she must have had angels appear before she died. Also, when my aunt passed last year from a heart attack, I was told that she kept saying, "she loved me." The person that was with her when she died asked her, "who loved you.." and my aunt replied, "grandma." She passed after that.

The meaning of life and death is what draws many of us to this profession. I know that when I become a nurse I'd like to work in Hospice. Beth, you mentioned you were a CNA at a hospice center. May I ask how you got into that? I will be in CNA school next month here in Chicago and would love to start working for a Hospice. Bless you all Louisepug

This maybe a little off topic, but I really believe that many people get a premonition prior to their dying. Many soldiers, will tell their buddies, their not coming home, for some reason they seem to know this. In a town near by they just buried the remains of a guy killed in Vietnam, in the late 60's. 2 of his buddies had vowed to bring him home, and even though it took them 30+ years they did it. One of the guys was doing an interview, and he said something along the lines, that just prior to his helicopter taking off, he gave his friend all of his personal belongings, and looked him in the eye and said this is what it is all about. Minutes later a rocket hit the helicopter he was in, and the whole helicopter exploded. My question to anyone who would doubt this, is why would he give his friend his personal belongings, and make that comment, when he had never done this before? For some reason he knew he was about to die.

On another note, I used to work nights in a pretty busy ER, and on those few and far between nights when we had empty rooms, and I had time for stocking, I would frequently just go into the rooms without turning on the lights, because I had enough light from the hallway lights to do my stocking. Several times I had episodes where I felt I was not alone in the room, and there was no one else in the room with me that I could see. The only rooms it ever happened to me in was both our trauma/code rooms. I am a firm believer that I was not alone in those rooms. I have also had a couple of experience's growing up that make me believe the way I do, but I won't boar you with them now.

What a wonderful thread. I hope to renew it. Like I posted in one of my threads my dying patient would smile every once in awhile and hold his hands up like he was reaching for something.

Please share any stories. I love to hear about these things. I am such a believer.

I was a nurse at a free-standing inpt hospice unit for four years. Yes, many of my pts had "company" during their last days and hours.

One even got a phone call from the "other side."

I posted about "the Phone Call From Beyond" on another site and won a prize for it. I will copy and paste it here, if anyone wants to read it.

I do miss hospice nursing, but am excited by my new job in hemodialysis.

Hello n Best Wishes, including for upcoming rising holiday time. I wud like to read the above, if I may. I wud think that others would as well. Best. s.

I've been giving this topic some thought with regard to the possibility that these experiences are hallucinations.

I think in some cases, they probably are hallucinations. Some cases are real, and some cases are a mix.

The reason I think some cases (probably most of them) are real is that it actually does not have a "feel" of hallucination.

I have taken care of a friend who went into full blown psychosis and subsequently also have opportunities to make friends with people who have serious mental illness. So my thinking on this topic is based on my experience and here is what I can see:

The common thing between hallucination and all the cases described in this thread is that only the patient can see these people. However, there are quite a few differences between the hallucination that I am familiar with and the cases reported here (which I why I think there is a good chance that it is real). Some of the differences I can see are:

* Most of the hallucinations in serious mental illness are actually auditory only (from my experience anyway). There are some visual ones but they don't seemed to be the majority. Almost all the cases described here in this thread has a visual component.

* A few cases, even the caregiver or whomever is in the room can "feel" another presense. Now a real hallucination cannot do that.

* The content of the hallucination is different. It is hard to put in words what I mean. For example, in the case of visual hallucination in psychosis, it is not uncommon for a a person to see a distorted "ghostly" figure. Depending on the person, the person might interprete that as a "ghost" or an "angel" and even a very ugly "angel". In the cases of this thread, it is someone they know majority of the time and the people they see are not distorted.

* Hallucination in serious mental illness are often very stressful and it causes huge amount of fear. In all the cases mentioned in this thread, they bring peace instead.

* I guess I am at a lost for words here... the incidents mentioned in this thread are "coherent" I guess... while the hallucination in serious mental illness that I am familiar with does not have that kind of "coherent" feel to it.

-Dan

Post #39 in this thread is the story of my pt who had "A Phonecall From Beyond."

My husband and I were on the way back from Fla. I was asleep. All of a sudden he shook me awake and said get out and help this man. He had pulled to the side of the interstate and as I jumped out of the car , I saw a man lying face down near a motercylce. A woman was screaming "help him he's my husband. His face was blue and he wasn't breathing. There was nothing to do but turn him over ( with neck braced as well a we could) Another man had arrived by then and was on the phone to 911. He said don't turn him!! But I HAD to to get him breathing. No pulse either. I did 3 chest compressions and he gasped for breathe and breathed...but never moved and did not open his eyes. By then the paramedics had come. I gave a quick report and since we were on the side of the interstate in grave danger ourselves, we left. In my heart I did not really want to know what happened to him. I did not want to know if I had left him paralyzed for life. That night I could not sleep. I could not turn the lights off. I kept thinking of the shoulda, woulda, couldas. I dozed off finally and was startled awake with the immediate feeling that someone was in the room with me. (my husband was asleep in another room since I couldn't turn the light out.) I "knew it was the motorcycle guy standing there. I was not asleep. I was shaking because I was so afraid. I was too afraid to open my eyes to look at him. I did not want to know it if he was angry with me. But it felt cold. And it felt as if he couldn't move his arms. That his arms were hanging at his sides. I called out to Jesus.And he left. I am a christian who loves Jesus with all of my heart and I don't believe in the walking dead or any thing like that. But this really really happened. I never found out what happened to this man. I talked with a couple of docs and paramedics who said they would've done the same thing.. I couldn't just let him lay there not breathing with his wife crying and begging for someone to help him. But it bothers me greatly. Thanks for letting me share.

What a wonderful thread. I hope to renew it. Like I posted in one of my threads my dying patient would smile every once in awhile and hold his hands up like he was reaching for something.

Please share any stories. I love to hear about these things. I am such a believer.

My husband and I were on the way back from Fla. I was asleep. All of a sudden he shook me awake and said get out and help this man. He had pulled to the side of the interstate and as I jumped out of the car , I saw a man lying face down near a motercylce. A woman was screaming "help him he's my husband. His face was blue and he wasn't breathing. There was nothing to do but turn him over ( with neck braced as well a we could) Another man had arrived by then and was on the phone to 911. He said don't turn him!! But I HAD to to get him breathing. No pulse either. I did 3 chest compressions and he gasped for breathe and breathed...but never moved and did not open his eyes. By then the paramedics had come. I gave a quick report and since we were on the side of the interstate in grave danger ourselves, we left. In my heart I did not really want to know what happened to him. I did not want to know if I had left him paralyzed for life. That night I could not sleep. I could not turn the lights off. I kept thinking of the shoulda, woulda, couldas. I dozed off finally and was startled awake with the immediate feeling that someone was in the room with me. (my husband was asleep in another room since I couldn't turn the light out.) I "knew it was the motorcycle guy standing there. I was not asleep. I was shaking because I was so afraid. I was too afraid to open my eyes to look at him. I did not want to know it if he was angry with me. But it felt cold. And it felt as if he couldn't move his arms. That his arms were hanging at his sides. I called out to Jesus.And he left. I am a christian who loves Jesus with all of my heart and I don't believe in the walking dead or any thing like that. But this really really happened. I never found out what happened to this man. I talked with a couple of docs and paramedics who said they would've done the same thing.. I couldn't just let him lay there not breathing with his wife crying and begging for someone to help him. But it bothers me greatly. Thanks for letting me share.

You did what you should have in that kind of situation. I know that guilt plays tricks with your mind and makes you play the "what if" game.

A few years ago my friends and I were on our way to a club and came across a woman in the road asking for help. She said her husband was having a heart attack. We pulled over and there was her husband in the truck. Vomiting but still breathing, still had a pulse. I pulled him out of the truck and layed him on his side keeping watch on his breathing and pulse until the ambulance got there. He ended up dying and at the time I didn't realize that it was my old basketball coach and Vice Principal of my school. I cried for days thinking I didn't do all I could have. It bothers me to this day!

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