Hope after License Revocation...

[VykingboyRN]

Hi, I have been reading in the Nursing Recovery since my “fall from grace” in 2007.

I self reported to the Board, totally naive of the consequences it would bring, after attempting to detox with the help of my then Ex-Wife, in a Hotel, with 7 days off(On a Travel Nursing Assignment)- addicted to (here goes...) Dilaudid, Hydromorphone, Hydrocodone, and Oxycodone.

Most of which came from an “Rx Happy” Physician in our small town that I frequented(and loved, he was actually a great Doc my Addiction manipulated into an “enabler,” because I was too successful, handsome(Lol), young, and in control to be an addict(which I was the King of Addiction). The rest I STOLE in the form of wastes.

The advent of pyxisTM got me, every nurse swore it couldn’t be true or right- even my Administrator, told me he would personally see this through- I BROKE A LOT OF HEARTS. I let many people down. Guilt led me to self report.

When that BON nurse was going through all my contract, all I could focus on was how rough withdrawals were going to be, and I even asked “could we go over this stuff after rehab,” because I was already feeling dope sick, which she kindly relented. After the investigator, before her, I was mentally defeated and broken.

Fast forward 90 days, and I am out. I cannot stomach facing the board, or their plans for me. Living under their microscope. I “accepted” I wanted a life of sobriety, but not to live on their terms. I had a disease in search of a tx, not a crime in search of a punishment.

I faced felony charges despite them saying Diversion Program + Rehab would spare me, and I entered a Court Diversion Program that let me buy my way out of trouble for $3000 plus “restitution” of $450, and court costs of $550. 24 months of calling once a month, and random screens.

I was terrified, I had lost my career. What good was I? My wife left me(infidelity with someone she thought a better “catch,” I know I brought shame to my family...

I accepted my “consequences” one by one until I accepted this is a “disease process.”

I said a prayer, then surrendered my Life. I bit down hard, and decided I was strong enough for Nursing and the Education it took to get me there, I WOULD SUCCEED AGAIN- SOMEHOW.

I would start again! Right then, I applied for every menial job. I stocked shelves at Walmart, and a popular Pet store, lol, for no more than $8.50/hr. My cousin worked as a Wastewater Operator. He told me about water, “The Best Kept Secret in Industry.”

I took a part time job, working in Water Treatment(at $19/hr) that quickly became full-time. With-in 3 months, they asked if I was willing to go back to school for Civil or Chemical Engineering- on their dime. I snatched their arm out of it’s socket! Lol!

I worked “DuPont Shifts”(which I miss terribly) at a Power Plant making MORE THAN I EVER MADE AS AN RN!!!! Now I am a Chemical Engineer, and my Retirement is set at 38 yrs old, I am remarried to an Awesome woman, and we are in a Hotel right now in Savannah, Georgia overlooking Bay Street and the River, and I am filled with the gratitude of second chances.

Both my Wife and I grew up in poor homes (MS and AR/MI), and now we are learning the stock market and investment education, as well as starting our own Foundation to care for the Low-country Poor we so often come in contact with.

Now my point! Sorry so long(though I have shown you my naked soul, Lol), You Made it Through Nursing School!!! You proved you can make something out of nothing!

I PROMISE YOU the only one, THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HOLD YOU BACK IS “YOU!” Your microbiology alone will serve you well in water treatment- which averages $50K/year only asking for a HS diploma. I am now at $159K/Yr in a Poor Southeastern State(with great beaches and mountain vistas).

As an aside, you’d never believe how much the Nursing Process helped me in water treatment. Diagnosis of the problem, “ADPIE,” until problem solved! It’s mostly a biological system that treats water, before chemical additives that are simple.

Water is the “New Nursing Shortage.” We need it to live. Think, even during the depression- Utility guys who shut off your power/water still had jobs.

I just want you to continue to use that incredible critical thinking that got you through school, to overcome your obstacles, and lead you to success once- and it will lead you to the next rung even stronger.

Even if that’s not as an LPN/RN/?SN or whatever you made... Heck, CNAs and PCTs have my utmost respect- You can conquer anything if you succeeded at Society’s most taxing call:/.

You are not defeated, and many employers are looking for folks just like you!

A wise human once said, “Don’t show me a successful person! Show me a person that has lost everything, and bounced back to tell the story.”

You did this once, You can do it again, better. No, you can give your “Best.”

Because if “I” did it, anyone can. There were many more obstacles, the only one I disclosed was my addiction. Begin with “End” insight.

You Got This! Surrender your addiction, not your self empowerment!

A Doctorate of Chemical and Hydro Engineering, who still had “RN,” in his Email, and has regained Licensure Status- even though I don’t and won’t ever need it again:]

[mississippiRN71]

You are awesome!!!!

[VykingboyRN]

? I am just stubborn and a terminal optimist. Look at what we have survived.

I have NEVER met ANYONE in Recovery that hasn’t experienced TRAUMA. Events that would break the weak, but we self medicated our pain because we knew no other way, we are survivors.

Now that we know better, we do better- some of us will fall, but I promise!! No I Swear It!! Every successful person I know of, can tell you of a string of failures, they develop a legacy forged by fire and pressure.

The “Strength” of those in recovery has taken my breath away.

I am so glad you stopped by, I hope you having a great day, and it’s a good restful weekend for you and yours?

[voicefamily]

Two thumbs up! So well written. "Rigorous honesty.." "I am not going to drink regardless.." Mantras like these stay with me every day. One day at a time.

Your story is deserved to a chapter in next edition of BB. I mean it.

Physician whose license was suspended "for a minimum of six months". Got reinstated in 9. Could not get employed for 6 months by now. Over 24 months of clinical inactivity started a month ago seems like to postpone the professional engagement "indefinitely". I got used to wake up at 7 for the past two years. No calls. No potential malpractice threat like my former colleague faced since "i reported my AUD to the Board and got out-of-medicine".

I do not regret my past, do not feel ashamed of anything. It is my past. I do not want it back and do not want it to repeat.

Being under monitoring of IPHP for the past 2 years with full compliance now when my license is back = "the minute they (potential employer learns about my sobriety, they tell me that they will call back..."

"I have a dream".. Not to drink like " a normie". I value my positive sobriety, I have a dream that documented sobriety brings an equal opportunity employment option in the future - not a discrimination in its full.

Your story is very encouraging, dear friend. Very positive.

For myself being a physician for 30 years, i feel that at age of 55 i can redirect my efforts from desperate/futile underdog position of looking for "any doctor's job" to a different prospective of being truly free.

[VykingboyRN]

@voicefamily, 100% !!!

Funny, my original dream was Allopathic Medicine, and it felt like a hot iron to the heart when I knew my past actions placed that out of reach for me, when I accepted it as a ship that left the port without me.

Then I realized, I just want to leave this World better than I found it.

I realized through Medical Missions abroad early as an RN, their most desperate needs were beyond my education(that I thought would change the World), Lol!

I didn’t know how to dig a well to provide fresh water, or community development... (Teach a man to fish...)

Now I have those skills, and we have changed so much through UNICEF, UNHCR, and some more obscure efforts to bring light into darkness.

I realized one again Maslow’s Pyramid, and reconfigured my life to overcome my illness, my stupid ego, and to just “Help.”

I am most grateful for second chances, to get it right this time around.

I could have overdosed as a criminal, been a lost soul, a scorned being(could have took my own introverted-wasted life),...

but I saw the Light, now I just want to share it. That WAS NOT just me.

YOUR SELF, IS THE HARDEST PERSON YOU WILL EVER HAVE TO FORGIVE!

Freedom follows, Like you will never believe?!!!

What comes next is Epiphany, Growth, and life lived out Loud!!!❤️

[angeloublue22, BSN, RN]

That's a great, inspiring story. I'm an addictions nurse and I've helped multiple nurses get sober, most were homeless or close to it and some of these nurses were very highly trained. Addiction can happen to anyone and anyone can get out of it and succeed; although it is a serious uphill battle, in the snow, naked, with people throwing crap at you, and a monster (addiction) chasing you. Thanks for your story and inspiration.

[VykingboyRN]

My lowest point was walking into that dormitory style jail room, and to be 100% honest, the only white boy in room of 11 other guys(of minority background) that immediately looked at me as if I was the enemy, Lol.

“Surely I was born with a Silver Spoon up my ?, and had probably done the unthinkable...”

When the talking and listening started over the next 8 days, I began to realize those who’d never been given a chance in the first place...

The education of therapeutic communication didn’t fail me, and they felt heard. Common ground was found, and they realized we had more in common than what separated us, and I realized even with the low socioeconomic problems I grew up with were no match to the life crippling trauma these guys had faced.

Never feeling “Loved,” or “accepted.” It’s no wonder our society creates psychopaths and sociopaths who have a survival mentality.

It’s amazing how in that short 8 days, the healing those men came through, the opening of their hearts, the ability to be honest when even a jail room was made a safe place to get the poison out.

To see the facades of strength melt into what they “really felt.” That was my eye opener.

To know there’s people who look at you, and see what you can be, not what you are.

I have heard addict after addict say, If I had put 1/2 the energy I put into my addiction into “Life,” God know’s where I would be.

That’s all I done different. I kept that same energy going- to a better place.

It’s like the quote, “Don’t go for the Money, because if you succeed, that’s ALL you’ll have.... Instead, Go for Success, because, If You Dare Obtain It, THEY WILL THROW THE MONEY AT YOU!!!!

Success, Youth, Happiness, Contentment, Gratitude, Loving Life, and Not Being Afraid to Fail(Hard),...

They are all MIND SETS!!!

See the Cup Half Full❤️

[voicefamily]

Thank you guys for such a deep core discussion.

At this point I do not hate my AUD (cunning, baffling, powerful) I admire it since it helped me open the door (knock, and it shall be opened unto you) of the Program. Without it I would never ever be possibly do it. It turned that 12-Step (simple progrm for complicated people like me) change the whole attitude.

So what if i don't get back to active practice of medicine? (my wife wants it back so much. Doctors' wife status again?) Nothing bad happens. Anything is for good, I am guided by my Higher Power and know it.

Your story, dear VykingBoyRN, is another proof of it.

ps. Treatment program for professionals was good, but it was just a jump-start for the "dead battery". It helped to get sober. The Program where I have a life-long membership is the way to STAY sober in meaningful, positive, humble way. As long as I am sober today (one day at a time) I am fine.

I stop wishing luck to anyone. There is no luck (bad not good), there is Love and guidance.

[VykingboyRN]

@Voicefamily,

Until my Engineering Job moved me out to the Savannah River Region of GA and SC, my Primary Physician was a Recovering Addict in Jackson, MS. He had been through the Board of Medicine Ringer(And now is ON THE BOARD OF MEDICINE), helping also to direct several Political Matters in my former state as they relate to Addiction and Controlled Medication Matters.

He was my Suboxone Provider, and the “Director of my Recovery.”

I don’t know what kind of future you want to pursue in Medicine, but I can tell you with 100% assuredness, I wouldn’t have a success story had it not been for Suboxone to lead a “Normal-Productive Life.”

He is moving his Recovery Efforts into a Private Practice that has already netted him more income than he received before as a “ER Doc,” in small MS Critical Care Access Hospitals. Plus, that is separate from his income from working with the MS Board of Medicine.

I pray you recover the lifestyle, the status, and influence you EARNED very soon. We NEED you!!! The World needs you, and if anyone was “disposable,” it was “me.”

This World would have gone on fine without me- but it is hurting daily in your absence. I pray for the healing(in every aspect you need).

Being totally honest, the 12 steps didn’t work for me- but it has for MILLIONS!!! And I don’t doubt it’s power to heal!!! My story was more “Dual Diagnosis vs Self Medicating,” and once the underlying condition was treated, I got better. I got healthy.

My only point there(because sometimes we can’t see what is right in front of us,” please make sure you are healing everything that needs it! Physicians are probably exposed to more trauma than ANY of us, and receive the least care, empathy, and thoughts from us below them.

You know we see you as something more than “human,” as “we are, and see ourselves.”

I can’t imagine the toll of being expected to be a “God,” takes on a mere “man.” But society expects it nonetheless- and it robs you of the healing you deserve and need.

That said, I can tell it in your spirit and from your writing, your strength that led you to awesome things/terrible things, will also see you through to the other side, where you are telling a story more grand than mine one day.

You’ve already laid the ground work, now it’s just for the right direction to lay that restless energy, and you’ll be an unstoppable force that no immoveable object can stand in the way of.

You’ll remember what you’ve already come through, and your troubles will be obstacles you trample over.

I have a feeling that’s the person people would already explain “they know you as.”

You will defy this thing.

[VykingboyRN]

My life past “BON” are documented on Instagram, under “Vykingboy.”

Never give up! “You only live once.”

[voicefamily]

Thnx, VykingBoy!

Seeing a glass half-full takes time to learn. I am getting there.

From "self-pity, poor-me, resentful attitude to delays in treatments, etc" I am doing well where I am now. The professional work if/when it comes back will be a part of my life not a center stone that tried to burn me down before (812 calls in 7 years during my last employment).

It still feels somewhat sad that there is no any kind of para-professional involvement was/is possible. No observer-ship opportunities, nor simulation center exposure, no specialty societal engagement. Nobody ever called and asked to get involved. I tried to contact numerous times, multiple places.

I contacted the ISA, was offered a meaningless to my current unemployment state as a delegate opportunity to potentially fight with Nurse Anesthetists. Tried to discuss the temporary engagement in anything (teaching, lecturing etc. 32 yrs of medical doctorship, 20 years of cardiothoracic anesthesia (fellowship trained). Nothing. Google search revealed a 45K 4 week-observership in New York with a 2-day assessment of skills in order to try covering the clinical gap. Ouch, guys. The aviation industry is merciful to their pilots in documented recovery. Free simulation/brush-up courses, assessments at the highest possible level, re-employment within 2 months.

Financial aspect is important but not critical. God gave me an opportunity on a side. 15 months ago I had completed a "2 week program", got 6 weeks of virtual trading with 74%success rate. In 9 months hit a real 6 digit number (107K) This year repeated a number. in 4 months. I now have a TTS, mark-to-market election, based on Section 475 (f)(1). People familiar with the matter would appreciate my positive effort.

However, I am a medical professional for 32 years (grad of med school in 1987, at the age of 23) and like to retire from it at appropriate age not a forced one at 55. Malpractice free record for all 20 years of practicing in this country.

I ll give it a try til the end of this year. No re-employment happens then I accept it as providence act. Will continue a meaningful sober life without it. Family supports me in entire way.

This Board is greatly refreshing. Talking to people who know the subject is awesome.

I just came back from a 18:00 Candle-Light Meeting of my home 12-Step AA group. It was lovely as usual. But nowhere near I could talk the way I do on this Board.

Physically, emotionally and spiritually I feel at the 70th level. Gastric sleeve surgery gave a second chance 2 years ago. Outside the fact I lapsed briefly 3 weeks after surgery it gave a remarkable result. Pre-diabetes, HTN, OSA with C-Pap, uncontrolled drinking = all gone. Lost over hundred pounds. Served as a FIFA Translator at WC2018.

Life is great! Going back to medical professional field would be a nice addition since I feel capable of helping people. However as above said, it is not mandatory for a happy life.

Thank you!

[Subee2, BSN, MSN, CRNA]

On 7/14/2019 at 9:38 PM, voicefamily said:

Thnx, VykingBoy!

Seeing a glass half-full takes time to learn. I am getting there.

From "self-pity, poor-me, resentful attitude to delays in treatments, etc" I am doing well where I am now. The professional work if/when it comes back will be a part of my life not a center stone that tried to burn me down before (812 calls in 7 years during my last employment).

It still feels somewhat sad that there is no any kind of para-professional involvement was/is possible. No observer-ship opportunities, nor simulation center exposure, no specialty societal engagement. Nobody ever called and asked to get involved. I tried to contact numerous times, multiple places.

I contacted the ISA, was offered a meaningless to my current unemployment state as a delegate opportunity to potentially fight with Nurse Anesthetists. Tried to discuss the temporary engagement in anything (teaching, lecturing etc. 32 yrs of medical doctorship, 20 years of cardiothoracic anesthesia (fellowship trained). Nothing. Google search revealed a 45K 4 week-observership in New York with a 2-day assessment of skills in order to try covering the clinical gap. Ouch, guys. The aviation industry is merciful to their pilots in documented recovery. Free simulation/brush-up courses, assessments at the highest possible level, re-employment within 2 months.

Financial aspect is important but not critical. God gave me an opportunity on a side. 15 months ago I had completed a "2 week program", got 6 weeks of virtual trading with 74%success rate. In 9 months hit a real 6 digit number (107K) This year repeated a number. in 4 months. I now have a TTS, mark-to-market election, based on Section 475 (f)(1). People familiar with the matter would appreciate my positive effort.

However, I am a medical professional for 32 years (grad of med school in 1987, at the age of 23) and like to retire from it at appropriate age not a forced one at 55. Malpractice free record for all 20 years of practicing in this country.

I ll give it a try til the end of this year. No re-employment happens then I accept it as providence act. Will continue a meaningful sober life without it. Family supports me in entire way.

This Board is greatly refreshing. Talking to people who know the subject is awesome.

I just came back from a 18:00 Candle-Light Meeting of my home 12-Step AA group. It was lovely as usual. But nowhere near I could talk the way I do on this Board.

Physically, emotionally and spiritually I feel at the 70th level. Gastric sleeve surgery gave a second chance 2 years ago. Outside the fact I lapsed briefly 3 weeks after surgery it gave a remarkable result. Pre-diabetes, HTN, OSA with C-Pap, uncontrolled drinking = all gone. Lost over hundred pounds. Served as a FIFA Translator at WC2018.

Life is great! Going back to medical professional field would be a nice addition since I feel capable of helping people. However as above said, it is not mandatory for a happy life.

Thank you!