Help for us and our son, sorry this is long

[blue heron]

On Monday evening I recieved a call from our 24 year old son, who was living in a city about 6 hours drive from us, asking that I come get him now, that people were after him and wanted to kill him. He had felt threatened last Nov and in fact went missing for a week, and we feared him dead at that time. He did call that time after a week, but was convinced of danger. I began to suspect then that we were dealing with a mental illness, but with him so far away and other serious stuff in our lives, was unable to do much but try to stay in touch. As he did not have a phone, that was a challenge. I saw him a couple of times this spring when I was in that city visiting my mom in law (who is fighting cancer), and our conversations did not relieve my fears. He seemed a little delusional and I was suspecting halucinations. I just finished my third year of nursing school and was doing my psych rotation from Jan - April, so I was getting an education in more ways than one.

Well Monday's phone call confirmed our fears. I made arrangements and a friend drove me up to get him. Long, all night drive. He was very frightened and agitated. Tuesday afternoon, he was really paranoid, thinking that a new neighbour near me was planted to watch me, that there was a guy at a bus stop that was one of the people from the other city (when I looked, I saw no one), that I got my new undergraduate nursing job (on psych, BTW) so 'they' could keep an eye on me, that the security gard on psych was after him, and that two nurses there were talking about him. All this in about 25min.

Thursday, he agreed to go see his doctor to have a check up for diabetes, and I requested a psych assesment. The Dr was awesome, and talked to our son very matter of factly, and clearly. Our son was unwilling to accept a prescription, but did agree to stop smoking pot. The doc also sent a referal to the psychiatrist of our choice, and bless him, he called us Fri, before noon, and we were in his office at three pm. (We being, DH, son and me). He did get our son's agreement to try a medication (risperidal), explained why pot was very bad for him, and is arranging a CT scan. The family doc had ordered blood tests, and those were drawn on Thurs.

There is so much I really cannot write here, but it has been an exauhsting week. I just started my job on psych and was in orientation Mon-Thurs (missed Tues and will make it up later), and part of our orientation was training videos on how to help and teach families who have a member dealing with a first psychotic episode. I did not want to be there. I wanted someone to help me, not learn to help someone else right then. and just being with our son is so tiring. This am for example, in less than four hours he went from hypo-manic to agitated to paranoid to delusional. and he had only had three hour of sleep. (Yes I know the relationship between sleep and psychosis, but he has yet to figure it out).

so, besides just needing to vent, I need some resources for families of schizophenics. My hubby and I talked with our pastor tonight (yesterday, now), and he recomended we look for some info on line, but I do not know what some good ones are, and am too tired to search. He works in mental health as well, so that is really an asset now.

One need is for my hubby to learn how to and how not to communicate with our son. DH is a very logical man and asks a lot of questions. This is not a logical illness, and he is at sea as to how to deal with it. I could explain it to him, but I think he would like it better from another source. and that would remove a burden from me, too.

also, some resources for our son would be great. maybe BB or chat rooms??

Any help you can give will be appreciated. This is so scary, and it has already been a really difficult couple of years with two deaths in the family, the death of a friend, mom's cancer, me being diagnosed with depression last fall, now this???

I want to work in psych, and I want to learn about it, but I'm not sure this is how I would have chosen to do it. In the opinion of those more experienced than I, what reading/researching should I do or not do right now? I was planning to really concentrate on my psych textbook this summer, and work as much as possible to refine my skills in this setting, but with my family situation I don't know if that is a good idea.

well, its late and I need sleep, so thanks for 'listening', and any help you can provide.

[GalRN]

You'll be in my prayers.... I understand some of the helplessness you feel after having a similar exp. w/ my dad last summer. He had no hx of mental illness and suddenly was convinced that he was charged w/ homosexual rape, and, eventually that the Dept. of Homeland Sec was going to use the Patriot Act to lock him up forever. For the first week, he had us convinced that he WAS being persecuted, until he said he heard his name on TV. My reaction to that was "Oh crap! He's nuts!". Fortunately for me he was willing to go to the ER for an assessment, and was hosp. right away. A year later he still takes 2 meds, but is his old smart ass self.

My step sister had the same issues as your son, when she got sick about 20 yrs ago. She has a PACT team and has lived independently for 17 yrs! Much of that time she only took her meds b/c the nurse came and made sure. She doesn't work, but she does volunteer full time at the animal shelter. On her newest med (Geodon) she's without voices for the first time in 2 decades! What I'm getting at is.... THERE IS HOPE!!!!!

[blue heron]

A quick update, as I have been having trouble with this web site letting me on.

We admitted JN two nights ago. and I have been crying off and on ever since. no real sleep the first night, went to my Dr. yesterday to talk, and get something to help me sleep for a few nights, then forgot to fill the stupid rx. DUH!!!!!!!!!! Have it now, though. So I should get some rest.

about the other night--I was working the 3-11, and my oldest son shows up to talk to me. He is wound so tight, I think the nurses were wondering if he needed to be admitted. So I went on break (was about to anyway), and his friend joined us. Turns out that JN has been acting quite bizzarly around these guys and their friends, that they are becoming afraid of him, and there is at least one young woman petrified of him. Won't go into details, but he is certainly a danger to others.

So I phone DH at work and let him know, as well that JN. purchased drugs and was likely stoned to the max. DH called the eldest for detatils, and calls me back to figure out what we are going to do. During this call, he breaks down completely--and so do I. I was at work and was at the desk, but had my back to the unit. another nurse on shift saw me crying, and asked what was wrong. I briefly explained, and he told me to go home. So DH and I met at home, and had a chat with our extermely stoned, and delusional son.

JN informs us right up front that he is moving to another city with his new friends-I ask if these are the people he bought drugs from and he says 'yes'. Can anyone say 'no judgement' and 'panic'? It was mentioned that maybe he should talk to his psychiatrist about these plans and he agrees. I told him that Dr M is at the hospital (he was on call), and would he like to go now. He agrees--so we go to ER. They insist that JN has to be seen by their Dr before they will call Dr. M, and the place was a zoo. (this was before the three ambulances arrived). JN goes out for a smoke, and who does he meet in the doorway, but Dr M. We explain that JN is here to see him, and he told us he'd be with us right after he saw someone else. And he did. He pulled JN's chart from the pile, and took him right in-he used a 'quiet room' just off ER. He talked with JN then called us in. I told him what the eldest had told me, and what JN had said at home. all of the latter pretty 'out there'. He suggested to JN that he be admitted and JN agreed. It was so much easier than we had thought, as we thought we may have to involve the police.

But emotionally, it was not easy. It was and is devastating. When Dr M was out of the room doing the paper work, (DH had a call out at this point, How frustrating), JN looks at me and asks if he is going to make it through this? he thinks he will die. I cannot imagine what it is like to live inside his head right now. I explained to him that his sense of reality is not the same as the rest of us, and he looked so bewildered and said 'its not?'. and then other times he has all the answers, and can tap into special power and knowledge, and he is invincible.

You know, I just want my son back, not this stranger who is trying to take over. This is just so stinking hard. I guess we just get to keep slogging on, but it is not a path I would ever have chosen, and I really would like off, but there are no exit ramps.

seeing my Dr did help, and she gave me some ideas of what could be done for J, she suggested a nearby long term treatment center that has an excellent program, for extended treatment. I plan to chat with Dr M about it ASAP.

Galadriel724, thanks for sharing your experience w/ your dad, as last Nov. when this first started, we believed JN too, and really thought he was in danger. Its so scary how inscidious this is.

HM2Viking --About the 'MI/CD treatment?'--what is that? Would that be similar to our dual diagnoses program, or is it something different? also, thanks for the reminder about risperidol and diabetes--I had forgotten. I will follow that up.

We had JN on a pass tonight at supper, and he told us he had an injection today, so I am assuming Risperidol Contra. Hopefully there is something else available in injectable, as he may be far more compliant with that method.

Thanks again for the support, it is a great help.

[mad9]

blue heron,

i have three links for you. each of these organizations i have worked with and can attest to the quality of information and dedication of their employees and programs.

the first is for the canadian mental health association. they have provincial branches all across canada.

http://www.cmha.ca

that is the link to their national web site. if you click on cmha locations you will find 10 cmha contacts within alberta and the contact info for the center for suicide prevention for your province/region.

they have excellent resources for family members and those living with a diagnosis of mental illnesses.

the second link is:

schizophrenia society of canada. http://www.schizophrenia.ca

e-mail: [email protected]

they also have a message board and contact information on the first page and a toll-free 1-888-772-4673 number that you can call for further information.

the third is: the mood disorders of canada.

http://www.mooddisorderscanada.ca

they have information regarding mood disorders such as bipolar disorder, seasonal affective disorder, depression, etc.

british columbia - mood disorders association of british columbiawww.mdabc.caalberta - mood disorders association in medicine hatwww.mhmooddisorder.comalberta - organization for bipolar disorderswww.obad.ca

it varies from province to province what programs and services are avilable for family members and for persons diagnosed with mental illnesses.

from what i read from your posts, you and your husband are already doing so much that is helpful for your son.

[blue heron]

Thanks for the links. We have both CMHC and Schizophrenia offices here in our city, and I have contacted them. Our hospital also has a support group for the families that we will be attending. I did not know about the mood disorder sites--and as I deal with SAD, that is welcome information.

Tha last couple of weeks have been pretty rough- our son had a major psychotic break on the sunday after admission (pot induced) and ended up in lock up--then went AWOL on the Wed and came home. Was suffering EPS-which he did nottell the nurses about-and then is extremely sensitive to the Cogentin. SIGH. the Dr tells us that he has never seen anyone so sensitive to drugs, of any kind, and this does tend to complicate his treatment. He is settling and seems OK on 4mg of Risperidal/day, split into two doses. 5mg might be better-fewer voices etc- but he is doing well and we want to avoid side effects. I will talk with the Dr about the diabetes concern-but there has been too much else going on to deal with it right now.

one thing I'm really having trouble with is figuring out what behaviours are illness induced and which ones are personality. JN was very oppositional as a teenager, and this is showing itself again now. The Dr wants him on a stress/medical leave from work for six months, and JN is determined to work-has taken a job in welding and plans to apprentice. I know developmentally, it must be SOOO hard to be a man in your mid twenties and be told not to work for a while-- yet it is just a short term--to increase his chances for long term success. I know know one has the answers, I just need to vent a bit.

thanks everyone for your info and help--say 'Hi' once in a while if you have a minute--it really helps.

[mad9]

Thanks for the links. We have both CMHC and Schizophrenia offices here in our city, and I have contacted them. Our hospital also has a support group for the families that we will be attending. I did not know about the mood disorder sites--and as I deal with SAD, that is welcome information.

Tha last couple of weeks have been pretty rough- our son had a major psychotic break on the sunday after admission (pot induced) and ended up in lock up--then went AWOL on the Wed and came home. Was suffering EPS-which he did nottell the nurses about-and then is extremely sensitive to the Cogentin. SIGH. the Dr tells us that he has never seen anyone so sensitive to drugs, of any kind, and this does tend to complicate his treatment. He is settling and seems OK on 4mg of Risperidal/day, split into two doses. 5mg might be better-fewer voices etc- but he is doing well and we want to avoid side effects. I will talk with the Dr about the diabetes concern-but there has been too much else going on to deal with it right now.

one thing I'm really having trouble with is figuring out what behaviours are illness induced and which ones are personality. JN was very oppositional as a teenager, and this is showing itself again now. The Dr wants him on a stress/medical leave from work for six months, and JN is determined to work-has taken a job in welding and plans to apprentice. I know developmentally, it must be SOOO hard to be a man in your mid twenties and be told not to work for a while-- yet it is just a short term--to increase his chances for long term success. I know know one has the answers, I just need to vent a bit.

thanks everyone for your info and help--say 'Hi' once in a while if you have a minute--it really helps.

Hi blue heron,

I am glad to hear that you have been in contact with CMHA and the Schizophrenia Society and that the hospital that your son is staying at has resources for family members.

I am a big supporter of support groups because you will meet other families and friends of persons with various mental illnesses. You'll laugh, cry and comfort each other, share information, what services are available and what is helpful, share your own personal experiences, what worked for you and what didn't, but the most important thing a support group provides IMHO is the knowledge that you and your family are not alone.

Please keep in mind that I am not a nurse or doctor and the information I am going to share comes from people I know who have shared their experiences with me and others.

I know personally many persons living with schizophrenia as well as other disorders and without giving identifying information many of these individuals are living fulfilling lives. These individuals are compliant with treatment and they say that sometimes it takes awhile to find the right combination of medications that has the desired result for them. They say it varies from person to person, in other words what combination of medications may work for one person but may not work so well for another person.

One of my friends said that her onset of schizophrenia was because of drug/alcohol use. She used drugs and alcohol as a means to mask the symptoms she was experiencing. She also said that people around her thought that she couldn't or wouldn't remember what said during the times she was experiencing psychosis and she was adamant that she remembered and was aware of what people said around her and about her when she was experiencing psychosis. She did acknowledge that only after she was out or not experiencing psychosis and had a level of wellness that she could put her experiences in perspective.

She said she felt afraid when she was ill and said that was the worst part for her.

I am not by any means trying to scare you or give you any kind of expectations.

I just wanted to share with you what my friend has shared with me and with others. She is a very couragous person and a wonderful advocate for those living with a diagnosis of mental illness as are the many more that bravely risk so much to educate any and all who will listen.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son during this difficult time.

[sampaul1966]

schizophrenia.com is an excellent site. No illicit drug is good for schizophrenia although in my experience those that stimulate the central nervous system (amphetamine, cocaine, crack etc) or those that can result in hallucinations (LSD, MDMA, cannabis) are particularly unhealthy. The sigificance of stress in both the onset & severity of symptoms is also a factor

[Daye]

thanks for the links. we have both cmhc and schizophrenia offices here in our city, and i have contacted them. our hospital also has a support group for the families that we will be attending. i did not know about the mood disorder sites--and as i deal with sad, that is welcome information.

tha last couple of weeks have been pretty rough- our son had a major psychotic break on the sunday after admission (pot induced) and ended up in lock up--then went awol on the wed and came home. was suffering eps-which he did nottell the nurses about-and then is extremely sensitive to the cogentin. sigh. the dr tells us that he has never seen anyone so sensitive to drugs, of any kind, and this does tend to complicate his treatment. he is settling and seems ok on 4mg of risperidal/day, split into two doses. 5mg might be better-fewer voices etc- but he is doing well and we want to avoid side effects. i will talk with the dr about the diabetes concern-but there has been too much else going on to deal with it right now.

one thing i'm really having trouble with is figuring out what behaviours are illness induced and which ones are personality. jn was very oppositional as a teenager, and this is showing itself again now. the dr wants him on a stress/medical leave from work for six months, and jn is determined to work-has taken a job in welding and plans to apprentice. i know developmentally, it must be sooo hard to be a man in your mid twenties and be told not to work for a while-- yet it is just a short term--to increase his chances for long term success. i know know one has the answers, i just need to vent a bit.

thanks everyone for your info and help--say 'hi' once in a while if you have a minute--it really helps.

just dropping by to say "hi" and to commend you for all you are doing. your son is blessed to have a mom like you who cares so much and is willing to do whatever it takes to help him. god bless you for that. remember to take time to care for yourself as well.

((((( hugs )))))

[blue heron]

Thanks everyone-

Daye, your message brought tears to my eyes-good tears-and yes I am trying to remember to take care of me in all this too.

Mad09-pot is definatly a factor for our son, and he has finally admitted it and is addressing it. Insight is so good to see!! Thank you for sharing the info from your friend, JN has mentioned the fear experienced several times- as have patients I have worked with on Psych. the need for safety is a very significant factor in these peoples' lives, as it is for all of us. I think it is more pronounced for those suffering hallucinations and paranoia because they do not know if they can trust even their own sense of reality. I know when JN first realized he was seeing people that we did not see, he was really upset and frightened. It still worries him. As far as remembering what is said during periods of psychosis, I never doubted that people would remember- so this is interesting. Our psychiatrist did say that sometimes patients have 'false memories' of events that occured during an acute break, but I haven't read or seen anything else on this topic. I know that when dealing with our son, or patients, I speak to them as if they will remember the conversation, and always maintain dignity and respect for the individual.

thanks again everyone. It is really nice to have somewhere to chat and learn.

[Daye]

thanks everyone-

daye, your message brought tears to my eyes-good tears-and yes i am trying to remember to take care of me in all this too.

mad09-pot is definatly a factor for our son, and he has finally admitted it and is addressing it. insight is so good to see!! thank you for sharing the info from your friend, jn has mentioned the fear experienced several times- as have patients i have worked with on psych. the need for safety is a very significant factor in these peoples' lives, as it is for all of us. i think it is more pronounced for those suffering hallucinations and paranoia because they do not know if they can trust even their own sense of reality. i know when jn first realized he was seeing people that we did not see, he was really upset and frightened. it still worries him. as far as remembering what is said during periods of psychosis, i never doubted that people would remember- so this is interesting. our psychiatrist did say that sometimes patients have 'false memories' of events that occured during an acute break, but i haven't read or seen anything else on this topic. i know that when dealing with our son, or patients, i speak to them as if they will remember the conversation, and always maintain dignity and respect for the individual.

thanks again everyone. it is really nice to have somewhere to chat and learn.

you'r welcome blue heron;

i really wish there was much more i could do to help you. you deserve a great circle of friendship and support and i truly hope that in some way we all can help and support one another. you'r in my prayers. ((((hugs))))

[SilentfadesRPA]

I have very little to say that others have not wonderfully responded to you except that I know what it is like to see a member of your family decompensate to a place that you dont know who this person is.

You and your family have my deepest empathy and I am right now thinking of you and will keep you in my mention when I pray.

Keep taking care of yourself and remember this is not your fault.

Sincerely

Marc

[IMustBeCrazy]

People that are diagnosed with schizophrenia or bipolar often have comorbid substance abuse issues, marijuana topping the list. Your son has most likely been self-medicating for a long time, long before diagnosis even, in an attempt to deal with his illness. This is extremely common.

[blue heron]

I haven't been here for a while--I've been working nights, and trying to get my house and yard in order. Yard work is therapy for me, so this has been good. It is also therapeutic to be able to find things indorrs LOL. I've also d/c my antidepresant and increased the synthroid, as well as beginning to lose the weight gained while taking Effexor. So I'm taking care of me in the midst offf everything.

Our son is certainly taking us on a roller coaster ride. His Dr. did not feel that the risperidol was effective for JN so he switched him to Zydis. This was the third week of June. He definatly slept better on the Zydis, but was almost too sedated, oveslept his alarm a couple times. JN moved into his own place July 1, and got fired about two weeks later. he has stopped taking his meds, and is back to smoking pot daily, drinking a couple times a week, and has also done cocaine and mushrooms. So I guess all we can do is stand by and watch for the next crash, as he is not willing to listen to any of us at this point. The good thing is he is staying in touch with family and his psychiatrist.

Thanks again for the support and prayers, I'll post as things develop and/or we have questions.