Help for parents that experiece neonatal death?

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I was wonding what is done in yuor hospital for parents who lose their babies. Like support groups, pictures, hand and foot prints ect. And do you let the parents hold and bond with baby before and after death?? What has been yuor experience in this situation?? Also at what gestational age would you typically say that a baby can be saved ( I realize all cases are different) But just in general.. I would love to hear the practice of yuor hospital in this situations and your personal stories!!

I am dating a guy who's ex wife had a baby at home in her bathroom at 20 weeks (not sure if measured from LMP).. Anyways baby was delivered and mom and baby were at hospital within 15 mins by EMS (kaiser hospital)... Cord was cut at hospital and baby was breathing... Baby was 3.5 lbls and skin was not transparent... Hospital staff did nothing but cutt the cord and tell parents that baby would not make it.... parents were in a panic and did not know what to believe or what to do they were in shocka nd delerium....No effort was made to care for or save baby and no reason was discussed with parents!!! Baby died a little over 3 hours later in dad's arms she was never even put on a monitor!!!! I was wondering what your thoughts are on this as I am not an experienced nurse nor an OB nurse.... in addition to this story mom had a 3 year old healthy son at the time ( 4 yrs ago ) but was diagnosed with incompetent cervix.... Mom was never treated for this in any way and was not on bed rest at all!!!

Looking forward to your advice.. Thanks in advance!!

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There must have been something going on with the baby if nothing was done to help it.

At most facilities 20 weeks is the cut-off gestation time for women to be sent to OB rather than be seen in the ER for early delivery. Even though it would be rare for a 20-weeker to survive, that is the earliest age at which it might be possible. Or so the experts claim.

I have seen late-second trimester abortions in the ER. I have always wrapped the fetus and offered Mom the chance to hold it. Most want to, some do not.

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Specializes in nursery, L and D.

We resuscitate any baby over 24 weeks, in most cases. We give memory boxes, with hand and foot prints, if possible, clothes the baby wore, blanket, we take pics and give to mom,or save if shes not ready. There has never been a 20 weeker "saved" to my knowledge. They usually live for a time, sometimes for hours. We allow time for bonding and will even go get the baby from the morgue if mom wishes, no matter what shape the baby is in. I have never, ever seen a 3.5 lbs 20 week baby. Not saying it couldn't happen, I just have never seen it.

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A little clarifiaction.... Baby was delivered AT HOME BY MOM AND DAD then taken to kaiser by EMS... And she was about 20 weeks.... Baby WAS BREATHING THE WHOLE TIME ON HER OWN!!!! But did not recieve any medical care other than cutting of cord if you consider that medical care. Thanks for the replies!!!

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Specializes in nursery, L and D.

I have seen 17 weekers, that weighted way less than a pound, live for 5 hours. Could you get dad to get the medical records for you to look at. Something is just not right with this situation.

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Yes I will ask him..... He is traumatized by the situation and I think that he would have areally hard time going back over the situation... 4 years later he can't talk about it without crying... Does kaiser have to give him the records in a certian amount of time, does mom have to sign for them and can they be taken from kaiser by law must they be reviewed there?? Sorry for all the questions I just can't stop thinking about it... Cause like you said something is not right!!!

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Specializes in nursery, L and D.

I think mom would have to sign for them, would she be willing? They can make copies and give to mom, but might require you to pay for the copies. Thats how it is at my hospital. Let us know how this turns out. Losing a child is a hurt no one should have to deal with, especially if those involved feels like more could have been done. Maybe something was really wrong with the baby and you could find out about this and give them closure at least.

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Also one more thing sorry agian.... What can I do to help him with this?? His ex wife took from him the baby's ashes and all the pictures and momento from the baby's short life... Do you think that getting to the bottom of things may help bring closure or hurt the situation by digging it up?? He has not dealt with this yet I just don't know how to help... I have suggested counceling which he will start when he comes home as he is out of town for work... Thank you alll sooo much!!!

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I do not think that mom wouold be willing, but dad is on the birth certificate does that give him any rights to the paperwork? Mom has been also deeply affected by this and has severe mental issues now and is unable to be involved..

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Specializes in nursery, L and D.

Yes, I would think dad could get the paper work pertaining to the baby only. I think therapy would be helpful, also, letting him talk anytime he wants, but not pushing. My dad lost a son at 3y/o 30 years ago and is just now opening up about it. It may take time, and he will never "get over it" like some people want folks with this kind of loss to do. I might get slammed for saying this but have y'all thought about having a baby? I really didn't come to terms with my miscarriage until my next (health) pregnancy. My baby girl didn't replace the one I lost but it filled the void, if you get my meaning. She was something to hold on to, and the cry of a health baby was so much sweeter because I had been though the opposite. He won't forget his baby, but I think finding some closure, with looking at the records, and pursuing why nothing was done if this was a health baby, might benefit him.

Wait, don't go having a baby just to ease his heart, I missed the part where you guys are just dating and might not be at that stage, sorry. Maybe one day if things go that way, ya'll could follow that bit of advice, lol.

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Specializes in ICU, telemetry, LTAC.

It sounds like this guy and his ex wife have some talking to do yet, some things they haven't said that they might ought to consider sitting down and saying.

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Specializes in ICU/CCU, CVICU, Trauma.

I can't give you medical or legal advice, but I can tell you this: One very important thing that helps is that the parents have a chance to hold their baby & say goodbye. The fact that he has done this will help. Counseling will help. IMHO, I'm not sure that seeing records will help; they will only be a reminder. And your support will help. It sounds like you & he are doing the right things.

Where I work even after neonatal death we ask the mom if she wants to see the baby. We get the baby from the morgue, wash the baby, will use light facial make-up for the face, light lipstick to cover blue lips. We dress the baby & wrap in a pretty blanket. We arrange for baptism if the parents wish. We will do this even in our surgical/trauma unit.

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