Having Second Thoughts

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Nov 8, 2005

Ok, I totally know what you are saying and have actually posted on this before. I think it is wrong when other people get so judgemental and ask you "why you are going into nursing then?". I am not a bad person. I do feel for many of the patients I care for...........I mean, how can you not, when they are 29 with cancer!! It is not because I have a lack of empathy or compassion (which is what I used to think it was) but rather.............I am very uncomfortable with my "people" skills, especially when it comes to relating emotions. You know, dealing with that foo-foo stuff. I am just NOT good at it. I don't know why. I don't know if it my ISTJ Meyers Briggs personality or my dysfunctional upbringing.......it just IS. I don't ever seem to know what to say at the right time and that makes me feel so inferior. If a patient starts crying and says they are afraid it just isn't me to run to their side and hug them and let them cry on my shoulder. Doesn't mean I don't care, just means I am bad at showing it. :crying2:

I will say that I struggled with this, thinking nursing wasn't for me..........so many people told me I had the personality of a doctor.........WAY before nursing school even started. I still do struggle with whether I made the right choice but I am getting to see other areas of nursing and I am now more aware of the possibilites. In addition, I find that every clinical day my confidence goes up just a bit.............my confidence in my clinical skills AND in my people skills. Plus, look around......you are not all that unusual. I find that some of my peers have trouble relating too. We are all nervous, scared, and green. People are different. I try to see that maybe I won't be so personally affected by the patients as my more "mushy" peers. Maybe that personality trait will make me a BETTER nurse???? Who is to say???

I deal with whether the insanity of nursing is for me. By this I mean the hectic pace, doctors yelling at you, pts yelling at you, family yelling at you, attitude from co workers....you get to see all this when you get into clinicals and it is EYE OPENING. But, the other day I spent a day in Endoscopy, and while it was still fast paced, it was much more "routine" than the oncology floor I had been doing clinical on. I could envision myself being pretty good at what they do there after about a year. I like routine and finding a certain "comfort zone" in my work. I would like to find an area that is my specialty in nursing as well. Endoscopy nurses seemed to have less patient contact and more routine tasks than the floor nurses. It was just different, so don't make up your mind with your first scary rotation, OK??:chuckle

I compare myself to my peers endlessly, which is bad. I am my own worst enemy!! I look at nursing school as the learning experience of a lifetime. If it ends up not being for me and I am miserable, OH WELL. Look how much knowlege I will have gained, and a degree. If it doesn't work out, well, I plan to go into laboratory or fitness. Lab rat doesn't sound too bad, :rotfl: . But right now, I am going to try. When I think about the kind of person I want to be, it is the kind of person I am not, so I am working to develop that. I know why I feel so uncomfortable though, after doing all those personality tests. My "feeling" nature is soooooooo underdeveloped. It is at the very back of the bus in my personality profile, which explains why I am so uncomfortable using it.

You can do Meyers Briggs Personality testing at these two sites:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

http://haleonline.com/psychtest/

Anyway, GOOD LUCK TO YOU. Work on finding out where you fit in. Remember, it is all one big test. None of us can be 100% sure of the way to go. You only know for sure once you try...:)

LovelyLady01 · Nov 25, 2005

That was very good feed back. I know how it is because everyone wants to criticize anything that can think of. Even if its for a positive experience there is always someone there determined to make it a negative one.:smiley_ab

Tweety, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2005

Maybe it's just nerves or fear. I was a very nervous person around people and definately not touchy feely. I was more of a loner type.

To my total surprise I developed a part of me I didn't know existed. I am a people person and I love bedside nursing of adults, and have resigned charge nurse positions to keep me at the bedside.

It's good to know your strengths and weaknesses, but don't pigeonhole yourself into a type just yet. Nursing changed my very core. It has a way of doing that.

Good luck!

SFCardiacRN · Nov 26, 2005

Tweety makes a good point. As you go through school you will discover things about yourself you never knew. You will grow and expand and may even surprise yourself at what you are capable of. As you gain confidence, you may become "touchy/feely" or not. It really does not matter. Nursing has a place for you...I promise:)

land64shark · Nov 26, 2005

Maybe it's just nerves or fear. I was a very nervous person around people and definately not touchy feely. I was more of a loner type.
To my total surprise I developed a part of me I didn't know existed. I am a people person and I love bedside nursing of adults, and have resigned charge nurse positions to keep me at the bedside.
It's good to know your strengths and weaknesses, but don't pigeonhole yourself into a type just yet. Nursing changed my very core. It has a way of doing that.
Good luck!

Tweety, that's exactly what I'm hoping! Thanks for telling me of your experience.

I really am feeling better lately. I think it was just nerves getting the best of me.

apocatastasis · Jan 7, 2009

I wanted to second, or is it third, what Tweety said. I'm 24 and am in an alternate-entry MSN program right now. I'm a guy who was always the macho, "not touchy-feely" kind of thing. I did the Myers-Briggs and I'm an INTJ, the least touchy-feely "type" there is.

Now, my clinicals have all been on oncology floors at public hospitals. These people are generally really sick by the time they're admitted, because when you're poor, you don't get screenings and early detection and whatnot most of the time.

When someone has recently been diagnosed with a terminal, aggressive cancer like glioblastoma... or had previously been told that they were in remission, only to come out with widespread metastases later on... and you're taking care of them for 8-12 hours, what are you going to do with that patient? "Sorry, I'm not touchy-feely. I'm just here to give you lovenox, hang fluids, and assess your vitals and your lines."

That's a no go. Especially if you're in a hospital like mine, where it's not like the people have the money to go down to Barnes and Noble and buy $500 of self-help and grieving books! If you're going to be a nurse, you have to treat your patients like you would like to be treated. That is, you have to treat them like human beings. It's really not that hard, and it's a capacity that you will very quickly acquire. It is a REWARDING thing to be able to do.

Just talk to them. Or, rather, sit down and let them and their families talk to you.