Having one of those days (second hospital clinical day)...

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Last week, one of my professors said it was normal to have one of those days when you come home from school in tears, and I didn't think it would happen to me...but here I am today, in that exact situation. I sucked it up throughout the day, but I just got home and can't hold it in anymore. It's just so overwhelming being in only my third week of nursing classes (did the pre-reqs last semester though and did really well) and going into clinicals and feeling like you have NO idea what you're doing.

I thought it would be easy to find a radial pulse, and according to my professor, it's supposed to be easy since everyone else seems to be getting it...but I'm having problems finding it, and then when I find it, I'm having problems feeling it enough to properly count it manually. And same thing with manual blood pressure. I put the stethoscope where it's supposed to be, squeeze the thing like I'm supposed to, and still I can't hear the heartbeat enough to make a good enough judgment on the numbers. And it's not like I'm going to guess and put someone in jeopardy that way...I told the teacher's assistant that I was having trouble doing it, and she was patient with me, but I was still mad at myself. I feel like I'll never get it right.

And then, at the very end of the day, I was watching a blood transfusion and I was totally fine until the patient said he didn't like to look at needles. Something in me identified with him (I used to have major problems with needles - kind of tricked myself out of it, or so I thought), and all of a sudden I started not feeling well. Before he said that, I was actually thinking how cool the blood looked in a bag like that, but after he looked away, I started thinking about it from another point of view. I knew my body well enough to know that I needed to sit down before passing out, so I asked to step out and got some water. I was fine after that, but my professor had followed me out of the room to check on me, and I was just so embarrassed that this had just happened. I'd been fine with everything else all day - I had seen tubes and catheters and all of that and had no problems. All that was happening here was blood flowing from a bag into a tube. It was just beyond frustrating to have my professor and my classmates see it, and deep down, I was afraid (still kind of am) that this would become a regular thing for me.

I want to do this work so badly (obviously without passing out - and no, I am not interested in finding positions that don't involve "squeamish" things, I want to get over it), and I believe I have it in me to do it. It's just hard right now to start out with experiences like the ones I had today...if anyone else is in those beginning stages of school and any of this sounds familiar, please know you're not at all alone. I hope I'm not!

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Specializes in NICU.

Don't let it get to you. I am sure the instructor and all the nurses on that unit have had something similar during their nursing school experience. As for your classmates, they are probably having the same range of emotions about what you see and potentially do (start IVs, injections, etc). The more you see stuff, the less it will affect you (desensitization). My advice is to run towards those types of situations instead of away. I was fortunate that I have years of desensitization before nursing school. My parents let me watch horror movies growing up (gory ones, bad parents??), numerous years as an EMT, and a couple years working in surgery (seeing the operations and cleaning up the blood and "stuff" from the operating room).

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Specializes in Hospice.

Try pressing just a little lighter on the radial pulse. If you press too hard you will occlude it and not be able to feel it at all. You will be fine in clinical. I feel like a total doof at clinical. We have only had two. So I try to look back six weeks at where I was and where I am now, and I know that eventually I will look back and think how easy this preliminary stuff actually is. :yes: Although right now I am so burned out on studying that my brain is fried like a fritter. :sleep:

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Awwww, big hugs babe :) I know exactly how you feel. I almost didn't go to nursing school because I couldn't even look when they drew my blood. Watching my first PICC line insertion, my knees were shaking - literally. I almost puked on a patient who was vomiting. The more you're around it, the less it bothers you. Pretty soon you won't think twice. It all becomes second nature. As far as the skills, it's totally normal to feel like you don't know anything sometimes. You will have other days when you nail it and come home feeling reenergized. It's a ton of new material and totally different in skills lab than it is on the floor. You will pick up on the differences and get a feel for a live person instead of a mannequin. I couldn't find a pedal pulse to save my life in the beginning and now I can be having a conversation with someone and find it without even looking. I'm such a perfectionist, I hated being a beginner and thought I'd somehow be immune to the steep learning curve that exists in nursing. Nope. Be kind to yourself. Keep going and it will all fall into place, I promise.

P.S. Everyone goes through this whether they are open and verbal about it or not. You're not alone.

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Thank you all, you have no idea just how much you're helping me right now. xoxoxo

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Karmatism - Thank you SO much for those stories - you make me feel like there's still hope for me :)

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Try pressing just a little lighter on the radial pulse. If you press too hard you will occlude it and not be able to feel it at all. You will be fine in clinical. I feel like a total doof at clinical. We have only had two. So I try to look back six weeks at where I was and where I am now, and I know that eventually I will look back and think how easy this preliminary stuff actually is. :yes: Although right now I am so burned out on studying that my brain is fried like a fritter. :sleep:

I feel you completely on the fried brain part!!! We'll get through this!!!

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Don't let it get to you. I am sure the instructor and all the nurses on that unit have had something similar during their nursing school experience. As for your classmates, they are probably having the same range of emotions about what you see and potentially do (start IVs, injections, etc). The more you see stuff, the less it will affect you (desensitization). My advice is to run towards those types of situations instead of away. I was fortunate that I have years of desensitization before nursing school. My parents let me watch horror movies growing up (gory ones, bad parents??), numerous years as an EMT, and a couple years working in surgery (seeing the operations and cleaning up the blood and "stuff" from the operating room).

I want to desensitize myself - hopefully it'll happen and I won't psych myself out thinking "ok, is this gonna make me sick?" for every little thing. You all are helping me feel like this is more common than I thought, so thank you :)

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

((HUGS)) we've all been there....always remember to breathe....in and out! Don't hold your breath! Everything comes in time....this is all new to you. Practice practice practice....check your family check your friends.....your heart is pounding so hard you are probably feeling your own. RELAX ((HUGS))

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I had a really hard time finding pulses when i first started. Ask a family or significant other to practice finding the pulses on them. I practiced finding every single pulse on my boyfriend everyday for months (we live together). Every time i saw a friend or family member i would also practice finding pulses on them. At first, i couldn't even find most of them, or it would take me forever. I would also tell every patient i had that i needed to check their pulses. If it took more than a couple of minutes, I would apologize and tell the patient "sorry sometimes it takes me awhile to find the pulse, but im trying to get faster" and the patients were ok with it. Most of the time they would tell me not to worry and take as long as i needed.

Another thing that really helped was me pulling my clinical instructor aside and telling her I was having a hard time finding pulses. I asked if she could come with me to my patients room and stand there as I tried. If I could not find a certain pulse she would find it, then help me find it, then we would move on to the next pulse. She actually had to put her hands over mine show me how hard to push to find the popliteal pulse (I was not pushing hard enough and that was the first time I had ever felt it). It gets easier over time. Don't feel embarrassed or bad about needing help. No one just knows how to do everything, that what school is for- to learn. I bet some of the other students are having a hard time too, but just wont admit it. Ask the instructor for help when you cant find a pulse, or don't know how to do something. Trust me, ask for all the help you can get now because when you get your license your on your own. The only way you get better is with practice, so keep practicing!

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Specializes in Case Management / LTC.

Those days will continue when you are an RN. Learn from them and keep on going.

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I can't thank you all enough for your support...and good news, somehow I managed to pass my first manual blood pressure validation!!!! We'll see how everything else goes when I have my third hospital day on Monday. I'll let you all know!

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